My Sisters Lover

           "Shut the hell up!" I sat up in my bed, listening to yet another fight ring out through our home behind a closed wooden door. Five months the three of us had lived together, me, my sister, Lillian, and her boyfriend, Jon. Two years Lillian and Jon had been dating, yet it seemed as soon as we were all under the same roof, their relationship took a turn. I tried to stay out of it as much as I could, usually confining myself to my simple room, headset on with music blasting to drown out their pointless quarrels. I let out a heavy sigh, running my hand through my curls, trying to prepare myself for the shit storm I was about to walk through. God dammit. I had waited long enough for the bickering to end. It was going on two hours now, and I had shit to do. Well, more like a person to meet, not that it mattered. I quickly slipped on a simple sundress and heels, checking myself over in the mirror before quietly opening my door.

"Why don't you ever just listen to me?"

"That's all I've been doing! Listening!"

And they're still going at it somehow, I think to myself, rolling my eyes. My heels click against the wooden steps, getting louder with each one. Lillian and Jon go quiet and I walk past them to the front door, collecting my keys and purse. "I'm heading out." I say, hoping they get the hint and shut the hell up by the time I return. Lillian lets out an embarrassed cough, "Where are you going?" She asks, like she even cares. I stop to turn and look at them both. Lillian's face is flushed, her green eyes watery like she's on the verge of tears, her arms tightly crossed together in a defensive pose. Jon somehow manages to look both composed and flustered, his hair tousled from running his hands through it too many times, an irritated habit I had noticed he developed. Even in his frustration, he still looked so handsome. I catch myself admiring him a little too long, "Um, I'm just going to go meet Sammy for some coffee. Get out of the house for a bit." She shifts on her feet at the last part. "I'll be home in a few hours." I say, turning to leave and slamming the heavy door a little too hard behind me. I hope to myself that they got the point as I get into my car. I sit in the drivers seat for a few minutes, hands wrapped around the steering wheel, before resting my forehead against it. Living with them had become exhausting, and it wasn't all because of the fights, but because of him. It was a secret I could never tell Lillian. My own private betrayal. Sitting back, I start the car and reverse it. I have to talk to Sammy, I have to tell someone about this boiling pot inside of me. 

          "So you've developed feelings for...Jon?" Sammy asks, trying to hide her smile behind her latte as she takes an unnecessarily long sip. "Look I know it's wrong. He's dating my sister of all people." I reply, hiding my face in my hands. I hear Sammy giggle and I peak through my fingers, "What?"

"So what's his body like? He's hot, right? I mean, you live together. I'm sure you've seen him naked at some point."

"Samantha!" I say, shocked, reaching across the metal table to smack her arm. She lets out a beautiful, bubbly laugh, "What! A girl can't be curious? There's gotta be a reason you want to ride your sisters boyfriend and that seemed to be the most obvious." I sulk in my chair, leaning my head back to look at the boring, brown umbrella that towers over our outdoor seats. "God, I'm such an awful person," I groan. "I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just push it all down. Lock it all away and do what everyone else does, drown it out with pointless Tinder dates." I listen to the bottom of Sammy's black flats tap against the pavement. She's thinking, probably realizing that I'm dealing with something serious that can't be handled with silly jokes like usual. This was something I had been bottling up for months, and it only seemed to get harder to deal with. How was I supposed to keep it hidden that my friendship with Jon was now no longer just innocent, platonic feelings on my side. I couldn't just keep locking myself up in my room of solitude every time we were home alone together. I hear the porcelain of her cup clink against the table, "Maybe you should just tell him," She says flatly. I quickly sit up, "What? Are you crazy? Why on earth would I do that?"

"Didn't you say that Lillian felt they were on the edge of breaking up anyway?"

She had a point. Multiple times Lillian had confided in me the issues she felt their relationship had. It was mostly petty things on her part, in my own opinion, but I would never tell her that. I would just nod and agree, but lately she had started saying she was thinking about ending things, considering seeing new people. She said she felt that she and Jon maybe just weren't the match she originally thought they were. However, that was weeks ago and nothing had changed, other than more frequent fighting and her leaving to spend the night elsewhere, again leaving me to handle the awkwardness of the two of us being alone. "Yes, but that was forever ago. She hasn't even tried to cut things off from what I can hear. I'm mean, they were bickering again today when I left. I don't understand it." Sammy gestured to my still full coffee cup, silently telling me to drink it, "Look, I won't sugar coat it, it is a little messed up to fall for your sister's boyfriend, however, you're only human. You can't look at me and tell me you haven't at least been dropping hints to him. I know you, Rose Miller. You're seeing an opportunity. I'm surprised you haven't just taken it yet." I can feel a steady heat grow in my cheeks as the skin dusts a light pink. She was right, as usual. Maybe there were a few moments where a touch lingered a little too long, or a shirt hung a little too low, just simple things. I never wanted to push my luck too much but I couldn't help it, it was like my subconscious was doing the work for me. Somehow he never noticed my longing glances, just watching him do every day tasks or talking. I felt like I had some petty high school crush that I just could not get over. I stare into the dark brown ripples in my cup, enjoying the warmth I could feel in my palms as I grasp it with both hands. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just take a chance as soon as I get one. Just tell him what's going on. Worst that could happen is he rejects me and I move out, right?" I say without looking up. My hands are shaking. Sammy places her soft hands over mine, "That's right. And you can always just come live with me if that happens." I bring my gaze up, looking into the beautiful golden hazel of her eyes. They always seemed to be smiling even if her mouth wasn't. "Thanks, Sammy." I say with a small sigh. Was I really going to do this? I mean, it's not like I would have an opportunity to do it anytime soon, right?