Diary Numbers
folder
Original - Misc › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,532
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
Original - Misc › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,532
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This story is fiction. Any relation to any person is purely coincidental. I own this story/narrative.
100503
Random entries in a fictious diary. Spelling shall be blamed on my stupidity, so get used to it or point it out so I can fix it. Warnings for each entry are placed in the beginning.
Disclaimer: I, Kitaro Jeevas, own this fiction/narrative story. Any similarities to any person (living or dead)or other stories is completely coincidental.
Flames shall be used to burn the world.
Warnings: mentioned rape of a minor.
~100503~(2010, May 3rd)
Seeing his face, for that split moment as the picture popped up on the screen before I turned away…words can’t describe it. He’s been out of my life for what, 10 years now? More? Less?
God, I don’t even remember how long it’s been since I’ve seen him last. How much of him is different? How much is the same? How much have I changed since our last meeting?
“Without goodbyes, there couldn’t be hellos.”
That’s what he used to say to me when either of us left. Do I really want to see him that much?
I don’t know.
For months, I’ve been talking about meeting him in prison. But the thought always scared me too much. Or something would come up and I forgot. Or I just wouldn’t research that far to see if I actually could see him.
Something always happened to keep us apart. Like usual.
I don’t know what to think of what he did. I honestly don’t know. Should I side with her and cut him out of my life forever? Or should I go against what they want and see him?
He raped her. Multiple times when she was around 10 years old; she’s 25 now. I never knew about it until two years ago. When they brought him to court for it.
At the time I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. It wasn’t my problem. It was bad enough to have to talk about it with them. But to actually see him in court, being accused and convicted of these horrible acts…that I just could not do.
I couldn’t handle seeing him again after so long apart. It just hurt too much. Still does.
If I do meet him, what am I gonna say? “Hello. Me, here! Let’s just forget everything you did, okay? Bygones be bygones.”
Not likely.
Or: “I’m here to see you, not talk about what happened in the past. It was horrible, what you did, but it’s her problem. Not mine.”
But that’s just like the first in some way, isn’t it? Forgetting.
Ignorance truly is bliss.
How do you forgive someone for something like that? That’s just it, you don’t. Or, more accurately, you can’t.
Or, at least, I can’t.
I’m torn between them all. Her or Him? Innocent or Guilty? Good or Bad?
So many choices…but which is the right one? Well, right for me at least.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m better off without him. Maybe he’s just a weight that’s holding my conscience down. I need to get rid of that weight.
But how?
~~
I brought it up with her and just like I’d guessed, there were a ton of questions. “Why? Do you really want to?” Or, the best one yet: “What good would come of it?”
My only answer: “He’s still my father, Mama.”
~~
Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment!b>
Disclaimer: I, Kitaro Jeevas, own this fiction/narrative story. Any similarities to any person (living or dead)or other stories is completely coincidental.
Flames shall be used to burn the world.
Warnings: mentioned rape of a minor.
~100503~(2010, May 3rd)
Seeing his face, for that split moment as the picture popped up on the screen before I turned away…words can’t describe it. He’s been out of my life for what, 10 years now? More? Less?
God, I don’t even remember how long it’s been since I’ve seen him last. How much of him is different? How much is the same? How much have I changed since our last meeting?
“Without goodbyes, there couldn’t be hellos.”
That’s what he used to say to me when either of us left. Do I really want to see him that much?
I don’t know.
For months, I’ve been talking about meeting him in prison. But the thought always scared me too much. Or something would come up and I forgot. Or I just wouldn’t research that far to see if I actually could see him.
Something always happened to keep us apart. Like usual.
I don’t know what to think of what he did. I honestly don’t know. Should I side with her and cut him out of my life forever? Or should I go against what they want and see him?
He raped her. Multiple times when she was around 10 years old; she’s 25 now. I never knew about it until two years ago. When they brought him to court for it.
At the time I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. It wasn’t my problem. It was bad enough to have to talk about it with them. But to actually see him in court, being accused and convicted of these horrible acts…that I just could not do.
I couldn’t handle seeing him again after so long apart. It just hurt too much. Still does.
If I do meet him, what am I gonna say? “Hello. Me, here! Let’s just forget everything you did, okay? Bygones be bygones.”
Not likely.
Or: “I’m here to see you, not talk about what happened in the past. It was horrible, what you did, but it’s her problem. Not mine.”
But that’s just like the first in some way, isn’t it? Forgetting.
Ignorance truly is bliss.
How do you forgive someone for something like that? That’s just it, you don’t. Or, more accurately, you can’t.
Or, at least, I can’t.
I’m torn between them all. Her or Him? Innocent or Guilty? Good or Bad?
So many choices…but which is the right one? Well, right for me at least.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m better off without him. Maybe he’s just a weight that’s holding my conscience down. I need to get rid of that weight.
But how?
~~
I brought it up with her and just like I’d guessed, there were a ton of questions. “Why? Do you really want to?” Or, the best one yet: “What good would come of it?”
My only answer: “He’s still my father, Mama.”
~~
Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment!b>