The Things Left Unsaid

Okay peoples, let us see how this works out. I do love writing ever so much...hehehe ever so, but it has been a while so bare with me.

WARNING: It might not be in this chapter, but this story is going to include: boy lust, rape, shouta cause he is technically underage, a little bit of antigod talk, and lost of blood. If you gots problems with this, please back away. BACK AWAY NOW! If you do not, then please enter and enjoy. And for those of you that come solely for this purpose then those things will accour in the third and fourth chapter.

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It was warm...so warm. The light blared in my eyes and for some reason it was warm. Was it the sun shining into my window? No...I wasn't in my room, but where was I? I turned left, then right, and nothing seemed familiar, nothing even seemed to have a physical form.

Maybe I was dead. Mother always used to babble on about heaven and what not, but I had never believed in such silly fairy tales. It was all just so immature, the thought of some man sitting upon a throne and watching over us so lovingly. If anything, he was a spoiled little child screaming "dance my puppets dance". For the god my mother talked about would never let her do such a thing, but the light was so warm.

Maybe what she said was true though and I was really dead, but I didn't feel dead and wasn't heaven supposed to be pretty. Not just a bunch of light. You know clouds everywhere and guys in dresses flying around with harps? Just the thought of such idiocy made me laugh. Such things were impossible.

The light seemed to pulse now, and what should have given me a headache made me smile. What was going on was I moving? I was, I was walking in some unknown direction towards the unknown source of this strange Will-O-Whisp light. Although the small rational part of my mind was the part that told me that I was going towards it.

I tried to stop, tried to just sit down and not move. It was something I had logically thought of as a child. If you go towards the light, you go to heaven, if you go away from the light you go to hell, but if you don't do anything then you should return to earth. It made sense to me no matter how silly and childish it seemed to others.

The warmth nearly blinded me now, and my hand moved on its own. It reached up and stroked something solid underneath. It wasn't calloused or even hot, but smooth as silk and somewhat cold to the touch. It made my heart flutter. Then everything grew cold and the light slowly extinguished itself. I tried to grasp onto whatever was under my hand, but it seemed to just float away.

A loud popping noise sounded beside me, kind of like a fire cracker going off, and I turned in that direction. Someone stood there, silhouetted against the dieing light. I reached out for the person. I could have cried out, I couldn't hear anything but the deafing ringing that I assumed was caused by the loud pop. The person turned, to what I assumed was facing me, and held out a shivering hand. I grasped it. But then there was blackness...

I shot up from my bed, a scream stifled by my hand. Something warm damped my hand and I pulled it away. More blood. I glared at the crimson liquid staining my pale skin and drew myself out of bed. The sight of the red stain made my head spin a bit, but I managed to make it to the bathroom in one piece. That was the seventh time I had had that dream, the seventh time I had woken up terrified for some reason, and the seventh time I had bled. I examined myself in the mirror, ignored my naseoua, and sighed. Just a stupid nose bleed, but it still startled me a bit. I never used to bleed in my sleep, not until...

A screeching noise made me scream and I lost my balance, falling harshly to the fall. My muscles tensed, and I covered my head. I could hear footsteps rushing towards the door and it flung open. I winced at the ragged breath, but then the person sighed. I peeked out of my hiding and cursed my own stupidity. My foster father, Terrance, stood over me, shaking his head slowly as he left the small tiled room and entered my bedroom. I quickly followed suit. I managed to heft myself off the floor, my world spinning for a moment, and followed his steps closely. The screeching was still sounding, and my muscles refused to give me any relief. The older man stopped in front of my small blinking clock, and silenced it with a push of a rectangular button.

I could feel heat rushing to my face as I lowered my head, ready to be scolded, but it didn't come. I glanced up at him and to my surprise he was smiling. It was a gentle smile, soft and forgiving. My muscles loosed a bit and he sat on my bed. It was a slow movement, and I assumed it was because he knew how I would react if he didn't move slowly.

"Liam, it was the clock." Of course it was the clock you idiot. I didn't say that though. Instead I smiled apologetically and lowered my head again. I could hear him sigh again before I spoke.

"I figured that out when you turned it off, I'm real sorry for waking you up so early. I just freaked out I guess." I laughed nervously and looked up at the man. He didn't seem to be convinced.

"You had that dream again didn't you?" It would have been an innocent question, if it hadn't been directed at me. My muscles tensed again and I glared down at the floor. He sighed, defeat as I assumed, and stood up just as slowly as he had sat. "You don't have to worry about waking me, I had to get up for work anyway." He turned to walk out of my room, but paused. I couldn't help myself, I glanced up at the stupid man. He was fiddling with the door knob as he sighed for the third time. "You should really tell me-"

"I have to take a shower now." My voice cut his sentence off at its end. I could hear the tense anger even as it was coming out and my eyes lowered to the floor again. There was a long pause before he turned the knob and left me alone. Stupid old man. I grumbled to myself, trying not to lecture myself to much for my outlandish actions. Such things were foolish.

I walked back into the small tiled room and reached into the shower. I turned on the facet and let the water warm itself before I slipped my clothes off. I winced as the cold air engulfed my body. A shiver ran over me and I tried not to look down at my pale body. How ashamed I was of my small limbs. I had no real rational reason to be so ashamed, I assumed it was the whole puberty thing. Being a thirteen year old boy, things had begun to change a bit and even if I understood what was going on didn't mean it wasn't confusing. All the emotions and what not.

I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the steaming water and gasped at the change in body temperature. I didn't truly need to take a shower before school, but it gave me a reason to be alone and think solemn thoughts. Such things shouldn't be done when it came to me, but it was hard. Depressing things just came naturally to me. Mother would get so angry when I did this though...

I cursed myself for letting my mind wander to the woman that birthed me and hit my head softly against the tiled wall. I loved her, with all my being, but I hated her with the same passion. The things she would do...I shuddered and this time it wasn't because of the temperature. I closed my blue eyes and heaved in a deep breath. It stung my chest to breath like that and I quickly corrected myself.

Why? I grimaced as the familiar thought came back to my mind. Why had she done such things to us, the people he was supposed to love? I shook my head harshly, my damp black hair dangling into my eyes. Why did I have to linger on these horrid things. My mother was insane, there was no other way to describe it. A woman with as many issues as my mother had to be insane. Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and my personal favorite Schizoaffective Disorder. That one the doctor gave to her after she killed him.

I hit my head as hard as I could against the tile as the image made it' way back into my thoughts. Red stained white. Laughter and pray mingled in with screams. I hit my head again and things started to spin, yet I could still hear the Lord's pray echo in my head.

In the name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit Amen. Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

It was her voice that said these words...I bit my tongue as I turned off the water and stepped out. I quickly dried myself off and went for my uniform. I pulled the black slacks on sloppily after a pair of under shorts and clenched my eyes such. Images flashed behind my eyes. Memories I attempted to stifle. I opened them once more and swung open the door to my room and screamed. There she was, standing there with that hideous smile. I hit the ground with a painful thump as she knelt down before me.

"My boy, how could I love such a boy?" I shivered as her hands were cold against my face. In the back of my mind that little rational voice said she wasn't there. She was in that stupid hospital that stupid man wanted me to go to. Like I would actually visit her. That little voice told me it heard footsteps, but the rest of my mind was completely enthralled in that blasted woman. "My dear sweet boy, have you been praying?"

I nodded, I lied. She smiled, a smile that I recognized as the one she would save only for me. My heart jumped and I could feel tears well into my eyes.

"Lies." It was barely a whisper, but I heard the breathless word. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the horrible pain that would ignite in my chest again when I heard a crash. I jumped, my muscles twisting in expected agony, and my eyes shot open. I was expecting to see her. Her eyes that were now mine filled with tears as she went for the small pair of scissors she kept under the sink. But I didn't see that. I saw Terrance. That stupid man. That wonderful man. Tears spilled over onto my cheeks as I sat up and leaned over in an attempt to stifle the overwhelming naseoua. I felt a gently hand land on my shoulders and I screamed again. It had to be her this time.

"Stay home today." I shook my head painfully and looked up at him with blurry vision. I needed to go to school, needed to do something, anything to distract myself. He sighed once again and stood straight. Then let me drive you, we’ll even pick you up something to eat on the way."

"I'm not hungry." I was semi-proud of myself; I managed to keep my voice steady. I stood up, wobbling a bit, but successfully walking into my room and retrieving my shirt. It was odd, I was nearly positive that I had placed it in the bathroom with my shirt. Just another symtom of my ever developing Brief Psychotic Disorder. Such things tended to happen after traumatic events, and thus I didn't need a doctor to tell me I was going crazy too. That little episode was proof enough for me.

I had had many of those in the brief month I had been staying with Terrance, and I'm sure it was taking a toile on the young doctor. He was barely thirty and yet he wished to take care of such a disgusting child as myself. I sighed as I buttoned the last few bounds of my shirt and placed my socks and shoes on. The entire time he stood there, watching me with gentle eye. I hated it. I hate me. Why did I have to ruin his life too?

Finally I slid from my bed and walked over to the man that would become my new father. He patted my hair gently and despite the softness, I managed to twitch. But he didn't frown, his smile didn't even waver. "Ready?" I nodded weakly and we left.

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Hahahahahaha I got a little carried away with this one. I had written it out and placed it up here, but it was way to short for my liking so I added in all the medical jargon to liven it up. Lolness. I'm improvising. I kinda know what I want to happen in general perspective, yet I'm not entirely sure how to get there. THIS IS AN EDITED CHAPTER SO IF YOU READ IT BEFORE PLEASE READ AGAIN. I will state the same thing if I place up chapter two, but I would like at least two reviews. I can live with one, but I loves even numbers.