Home Again

“I have no idea why I said yes to this again.” Alex paced behind the bar of Suds, a Brooklyn neighborhood pub frequented by blue-collar straight men, the corded phone tying him no more than three feet from the cash register.
“Because you are a good person,” Samantha replied from their living room.
“Well there is that.” Alex smiled.
“And the hot, dirty straight men! ”
“Not on a snowy Friday night.” Alex’s smile faded. “Come to Brooklyn.”
“No way! Do you know how long it takes to get there?”
“I’m there, aren’t I?”
“Explain this connection to me again.”
“Ok, long story. You ready?” Alex asked Sam.
“Popcorn and soda at hand!”
“So I used to bartend in my misspent youth and a couple years ago James’ cousin Rose needed help here when her husband Joey broke his leg.”
“Oh, wait. His name! I love it. He’s Joey Bayonne, right?”
“Very good, grasshopper. Now be quiet.”
Sam hmmphed into the phone.
“Now when James and I went our separate ways, Rose and I stayed friends. You know she thinks James is stuck up, rude, condescending, arr..”
“Yes, I know.” Sam interrupted. “Move the story along.”
“Fine. So over the past couple years I have helped out here for vacations and stuff like that. I know the neighborhood; I grew up here. Now Rose just had kid number two and Joey and she needed the weekend covered. The usual back up bartender is in Rikers.”
“What?”
“Truth. Evidently working in a bar violated his parole and his parole officer finally found out. So here I am and when did you say you were getting here?”
“Umm, let me check my calendar.” Sam crunched popcorn in Alex’s ear. “Sorry all booked.”
The bell on the door chimed. Alex turned to look. “Gotta go.”
“Is he hot?”
“Bye.” Alex hung up the phone and smiled at the guy walking towards the bar. “What can I get you?”
“It’s only been three weeks since you’ve been here. You don’t remember what I drink, Alex?”
Alex rolled his eyes and handed Mack his favorite American beer.
Mack smiled and Alex melted. He looked at Mack and smiled back. He loved those clear blue eyes with the little crinkles at the corners.
“Where are your friends tonight?” Alex asked. It was 9:30 and they were the only two in the bar.
“All busy with wives and girlfriends and shit I guess. I just came from work.” Mack lifted his bottle and downed half of it. “This snow’s a bitch to drive in.”
“And where’s your girl tonight?” Alex arched an eyebrow.
“Don’t have a girl.” Mack finished his beer, eyes locked on Alex.
Alex’s mind started spinning with ideas. He had been in love with Mack as a teenager and always thought that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t all he appeared to be when surrounded by his friends. As an adult, Mack intrigued him when he reappeared in the neighborhood. Alex decided to test his twenty-year-old theory. He walked over and pulled the shade and locked the door.
“What are you doing, Alex?”
“It’s dead. I’m closing early.”
Mack started to get up. “OK. I’ll get going.” He sounded nonplused by the idea of leaving.
“No, stay and talk. In fact, stay and eat. I ordered fried mushrooms from the place across the street before they closed.” Alex set a container full on the bar and picked up a mushroom. Here goes nothing, he thought. “Here, open up.”
“What?”
“Your hands are filthy and I don’t have a fork. I’ll feed you one.”
“Man, I can feed myself.”
“Come on. Just one to see if you like it before you get up and walk all the way to the back to wash your hands.” Alex moved the mushroom closer to Mack’s lips.
Mack glanced around the room, afraid of finding some hidden observer lurking in the shadows. He held out his hand. “Just give it to me, Alex.”
“No.” Alex stared into Mack’s eyes.
Mack looked down, then at the mirror over Alex’s shoulder, at the door, anywhere but at Alex’s eyes. Finally, “OK” He parted his lips, like taking Communion; his tongue brushed his bottom lip as Alex placed the mushroom in Mack’s mouth.
As Mack chewed, Alex smiled at him. “You blue-collar guys are all a like. You’re so afraid some one’s going to call you a fag you can’t get too close to another guy.” As he spoke Alex made his way around the bar.
“That’s not true. And you grew up as blue collar as I did.”
“True. But I am a long way from that now.” Alex sat on the stool next to Mack. “Am I your friend?”
“ Yeah, sure. You’re alright.” Mack felt himself blushing.
Alex picked up another mushroom and offered it.
“Knock it off.” Mack glanced at the door again.
“It’s locked. There’s no one here to see us.” Alex pushed the mushroom against Mack’s lips. “Relax, Mack.”
Mack relaxed. He let Alex feed him two more mushrooms then shook his head. “If the guys saw this they’d probably beat the shit out of both of us.”
“Do I make you uncomfortable?” They were facing each other and Alex squeezed Mack’s leg between his own.
“No.” Mack drew the syllable out with hesitation.
Alex leaned forward to whisper in Mack’s ear. “Are you sure?” He moved back, but left his hands on the other man’s thighs.
“Yes.” Mack reached out and smoothed Alex’s hair, letting his hand trail down Alex’s neck before withdrawing.
Alex shivered. He tried not to, but he did and Mack saw it. “ Thanks,” Alex said a little breathlessly.
“Now who’s nervous?” Mack wrapped his feet in Alex’s barstool and pulled him closer.
“Not me.” Alex ran the back of his fingers over Mack’s stubble rough cheek. “You need a shave.” He flattened his hand and ran it through Mack’s hair, stopping when his fingers curled around the back of Mack’s neck.
Mack smiled. “I need to kiss you.” Before Alex could react Mack leaned forward and did just that. The kiss started tentatively, almost questioning, Mack unsure of what he was doing, Alex unsure of where this kiss would lead. To Alex’s surprise, Mack took the lead, opening his mouth, deepening the kiss, exploring Alex’s mouth with his tongue. Mack pulled Alex forward until Alex was straddling him on the barstool. Alex’s hands gripped Mack’s shoulders as he leaned back, breaking the kiss.
“Whoa.” He smiled at Mack.
“Yeah.” Mack smiled back. “We should’ve done that ages ago.”
Alex kissed his nose. “Yeah.” He stroked the back of Mack’s head.
“What took you so long?” Mack squeezed Alex’s ass.
Alex laughed. “You were hard to figure out! You could’ve made a move.”
Now Mack laughed. “That’s what Annie kept saying. But I’m kind of shy.”
“Annie! She knew and didn’t tell me?”
“She did it for me. What would you have done if you knew?”
“This.” Alex kissed Mack hard on the lips.
This time Mack broke the kiss. “You don’t live five blocks away anymore do you?”
“No.”
“I do.” Mack smiled nervously.
“ Is that an invitation?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go.” Alex kissed Mack’s ear and Mack’s full watt, eye-crinkling smile lit up his face.
Alex and Mack walked the five blocks through the continuing snow, shoulders brushing. Mack stopped in front of a four-story brownstone. Snow covered the stoop and railing. “This is it.” He smiled nervously at Alex.
“What floor?” Alex leaned close to Mack. “I can’t wait to get warm.”
Mack took a step towards the stoop. “The top.”
“I assumed you were.” Alex smiled and Mack’s blush was visible even in the snowy night.
Mack walked ahead of Alex up the stairs and into the apartment. The heat was classic New York in winter, easily 80 degrees inside. Alex closed the door and Mack pulled him against himself. The kiss was fierce. Mack pinned Alex against the closed door, devouring his mouth. His tongue pushed against Alex’s. Alex pushed his hips against Mack. Mack stopped kissing, still keeping Alex pinned in place with hands and hips. “Bedroom would be better.”
He let Alex go.
Alex reached out and slowly undid the buttons of Mack’s coat, unwrapped his scarf, pulled his hat off. “I think we should leave our wet things here.” He removed his own outerwear and bent to remove his boots and socks. Mack followed his lead.
Alex stepped to Mack and wrapped his arms around the taller man, pressing his hips forward. “Now I think its bedroom time.” He nibbled Mack’s earlobe.
Mack led the way quickly through the dark apartment. In the bedroom, the curtains were open, bathing the room in snowy reflected light. Alex kissed Mack and dropped his hands to Mack’s waist and started un-tucking Mack’s t-shirt. Mack raised his arms and Alex lifted his sweater and t-shit over his head. Mack’s body looked as good as it had felt. Mack smiled as he unbuttoned Alex’s shirt and pushed it from his shoulders. Mack gathered the bottom of Alex’s t-shirt in his hands and dragged his thumbs up Alex’s smooth body as he pulled the shirt off. Alex kept his arms raised as Mack slid his hands slowly down Alex’s body to his waist. He shivered as Mack’s touch raised goose bumps. Mack leaned in and kissed Alex as the two wiggled out of their pants and fell into bed.
When they had finished, Alex leaned forward and gently laid his lips against Mack’s, both men open-mouthed panting. “Wow.”
Mack smiled against Alex’s lips. “Yeah.”
Alex stretched out next to Mack and ran his fingers through the hair on Mack’s chest.
Mack turned his head, kissed Alex’s forehead. “I hope you planned on spending the night.”
“After that, I couldn’t walk across the room, let alone down those stairs.” They laughed softly.
“Good.” Mack shifted pillows and blankets and curled around Alex. “See you in the morning.” He held Alex until he heard Alex’s breathing even out with sleep then quietly slipped out of bed and walked to the kitchen. He didn’t have a lot of experience, but he thought what had just happened was amazing. He poured a glass of water and leaned against the counter. He had known Alex was gay by the time they were seventeen. A year later he had married Desire and been stationed in the Middle East, where he spent the next fifteen years. During that time, Mack decided to stop running from what he had always wanted. He told Desire he was gay and she left, taking his secret with her. Alex, on the other hand, had never left his thoughts. Even other lovers, as rare as they were, never totally erased the image of Alex from his mind. Now, Alex slept in his bed at last and Mack wasn’t sure how to proceed.
Two hours later Mac sat on the window seat in his bedroom, watching the snow bury the parked cars; behind him, Alex slept soundly in his bed. It had been snowing for twelve hours. Alex sighed in his sleep and Mac turned to look. The contours of Alex’s body were clearly visible beneath the thin sheet covering him. When his visual journey took him back to Alex’s face, Mac saw a smile. “You’re up early,” Alex said.
“Sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No.” Alex stretched. “I’m a little cold. Want to come in here and warm me up?” Alex pulled the sheet off, revealing his body.
“You look pretty hot to me.” Mack slipped into bed and Alex snuggled into him.
“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?” Alex asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Mack, some habits we don’t out grow. I may not have seen you for years, but I remember you never could sleep when your thoughts were spinning to fast.”
Mack laughed quietly. “You’re right. I have been thinking about us, about tonight, and where this could be going.”
“And you are wondering if I am just satisfying an old crush.”
“That too, I guess.” He squeezed Alex tighter. “We really don’t know each other anymore.”
Alex shifted so he could look into Mack’s eyes. “Yes, I am satisfying an old crush. I loved you madly when we were kids.” Alex smiled at Mack. “It took every ounce of courage I had to tell you I was gay. I hadn’t even said it out loud to Annie. Then you vanished for fifteen years.” Mack started to reply and Alex stopped him. “I’m not done yet. I’ve thought of you often over the years, even in the midst of my failed eight-year relationship. Then one day you walked into Suds and I felt sixteen again. And I started to fall for the quiet man my crazy best friend had become.” He leaned over and kissed Mack softly on the lips. “You’re right. We don’t know each other very well right now, but we did, and we will again. So stop worrying and get some sleep.” Alex laid his head on Mack’s chest.
Mack blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. He had become more quite than when he was a kid, but Alex still surprised Mack with his dead on assessment of Mack’s thought process. “Sounds like you still know me pretty well.” He rubbed Alex’s back. Alex mumbled quietly in response. “I thought of you often as well. Even as Desire packed her bags to leave me.” Alex’s breathing had leveled out again. “I loved you too.” Mack closed his eyes and joined Alex in sleep.