All Those Unfortunate to be Born Female
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,577
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,577
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
All Those Unfortunate to be Born Female
They talk of opposites attracting. Of long lived lives… happy lives, with passion and love and sometimes children. Well, let me tell you something…it’s complete and utter shit. Stories are stories, not reality. And you may moon after some person or other, a much too good of a person for you. And you console yourself by saying that it’s possible, that they could actually love you in return…That you were special.
But too soon you realize that fairytales are just fairytales, and that you are not special… you are ordinary. So painfully ordinary. With a bleak future ahead of you and worn-out, paperback romances your only companions instead of those heroes that the romances keep lying to you about.
Oh please, chiseled jaws, rough yet soft hands-or even better-EXPERT hands that bring you to a screaming orgasm on the first touch. *Snort* You should feel lucky finding a guy with a steady job and no beer gut.
*Sigh* We are such unfortunate creatures, us women.
*Stands abruptly* Well you know what, I, for one, have had enough. I will find that PERFECT MAN. And he will love me! And we will have passionate, hot, sweaty sex, orgasms and all! Damn anyone you stands between me and my goal.
*Puts hands on hips, puffs chest out and declares* There is a perfect man out there waiting for me and he will love me despite my flaws. *Squeaks* My somewhat overweight flaws.
*Back to booming voice* But he will love me. And he better have a six-pack and The fucking Titanic in his pants!
*Ends with banging a fist on the table* Ow, ow, owsy…*Whines* Not with so much force next times.
*Looks up, and straightens quickly* I am a strong woman! Hear me roar. *Makes little kitty sound* Well, you know, I’m working on it. *Shakes head* Where was I?… Oh yes, strong woman…
*Looks a little frightened* Just don’t bet on anything, I don’t work well under pressure. Umm… *Determined* It isn’t so hard…not really…I just have to become flirtatious…and sexy…outgoing…bold… yeah, yeah, I can do this. *Nods head, satisfied, and looks up quickly* But rue those who mention anything about losing weight.
*Points finger at reader* A man can love a woman with a little meat on her bones. *Looks over a little uncertain* I’m pretty sure. Yeah, probably…maybe…I hope…
*********
So My dear readers. Is there such a thing as a perfect man? I highly doubt it, but Elm believes that there is.
Hmmm…how sad it is, how sad it is for such a wonderful species as the female, to live a life of solitude.
Ohhhh, how truly sad…
But too soon you realize that fairytales are just fairytales, and that you are not special… you are ordinary. So painfully ordinary. With a bleak future ahead of you and worn-out, paperback romances your only companions instead of those heroes that the romances keep lying to you about.
Oh please, chiseled jaws, rough yet soft hands-or even better-EXPERT hands that bring you to a screaming orgasm on the first touch. *Snort* You should feel lucky finding a guy with a steady job and no beer gut.
*Sigh* We are such unfortunate creatures, us women.
*Stands abruptly* Well you know what, I, for one, have had enough. I will find that PERFECT MAN. And he will love me! And we will have passionate, hot, sweaty sex, orgasms and all! Damn anyone you stands between me and my goal.
*Puts hands on hips, puffs chest out and declares* There is a perfect man out there waiting for me and he will love me despite my flaws. *Squeaks* My somewhat overweight flaws.
*Back to booming voice* But he will love me. And he better have a six-pack and The fucking Titanic in his pants!
*Ends with banging a fist on the table* Ow, ow, owsy…*Whines* Not with so much force next times.
*Looks up, and straightens quickly* I am a strong woman! Hear me roar. *Makes little kitty sound* Well, you know, I’m working on it. *Shakes head* Where was I?… Oh yes, strong woman…
*Looks a little frightened* Just don’t bet on anything, I don’t work well under pressure. Umm… *Determined* It isn’t so hard…not really…I just have to become flirtatious…and sexy…outgoing…bold… yeah, yeah, I can do this. *Nods head, satisfied, and looks up quickly* But rue those who mention anything about losing weight.
*Points finger at reader* A man can love a woman with a little meat on her bones. *Looks over a little uncertain* I’m pretty sure. Yeah, probably…maybe…I hope…
*********
So My dear readers. Is there such a thing as a perfect man? I highly doubt it, but Elm believes that there is.
Hmmm…how sad it is, how sad it is for such a wonderful species as the female, to live a life of solitude.
Ohhhh, how truly sad…