To Love's End

Hi,

This is my first time publishing anything on here but some of you may recognize me. I'm an avid reader and reviewer~ I started this story a while ago but never thought it was really worth publishing.

Now, this is a love story so this first little bit doesn't have any sex in it. Sorry ^^; But stick with me, I have to allow for character development, of course.

Reviews are gladly welcomed because I'm always looking to better my work.

Well, I hope you enjoy it.

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There was never a clear beginning to all of this.

It just sort of happened without our knowledge or consent. They say everyone has a soul met set out for them somewhere on this vast planet. The one person who is the yin to your yang. The answer to your question. The right for all your wrongs. People try so desperately to control love. But when it comes down to it, your heart is a separate being from your mind. Despite one’s greatest efforts, you will never be able to control for whom your heart desires.

This is the story of my journey that led me to find my soul mate; my one true love, my cousin. I knew from the beginning that we were not supposed to feel the feelings we did for each other. But as I said above, you can’t control the person your heart yearns for.

Although, it hadn’t taken long for us to fully become aware of the love growing between us, we were both wary at first. I suppose the first time I really recall any sort of emotion other than anger or happiness between us until a couple years back…

“Five!”

Little noise was made as my petite frame attempted to climb onto the shelf within the closet of his room. My heart beat quickly, awaiting those familiar words that would signal me to remain as quiet as possible.

“Four!”

I grabbed a few of his sweaters and pulled them atop of myself, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

“Three!”

My stomach dropped as I heard the door open. It was too early for the seek! We had only been at three, I tried to assure myself.

“Two!”

I sighed my relief, realizing it was only my cousin, the one’s whose room I was in.

“Julie , can I hide with you?” He asked, already climbing to hide on the top shelf with me. The question was merely a useless formality.
“Whatever, just be quiet Chris!” I hissed at him. I was determined to win this time, no matter what!

“One! Ready or not here I come!!” Came the warning

I felt Chris quietly settle himself beside me, and thought nothing of it. I strained my ears for any sign of the approaching seeker. I didn’t even give notice to the fact his body was pressed against mine.

As I heard shouts and giggles from the floor below, I realized someone had been found and the chase was on. I allowed myself to relax momentarily. It was then I become conscious of the proximity of our bodies.

I shifted nervously, unaccustomed to being so close to someone, particularly one of the opposite gender. As my mind shifted back to the game, he causally placed his hand atop mine.

I didn’t move my hand but questioned him.

“Chris!” I whispered violently. “What are you doing?!” I felt my cheeks burn with blush, glad the darkness of the closet could hide it.

But even as I spoke the words, something within me told me this ok and to enjoy it. I felt regret but tried to dismiss it. Hand holding was for boyfriends and girlfriends!
“Julie, its ok… Just-” He began, but was cut off as the door flew open.

“Gotcha!” My sister shouted, a devious grin enveloping her face.


Things were always slightly awkward between us, that much I can remember. We used to hang out a lot as kids. We were the only two so close within age, within our entire family. Of course, there were those times during early puberty where I’d thought of boys as an entirely different species infected with some disease that could kill the female race. Though those time periods had been noticeably short, as I’d lost interest in my younger female cousin, after my interest in make up and dancing diminished.

It might have had something to do with the closeness of our families. Our mothers were sisters after all so we were often over at each others houses. I’d always known that incest was bad and taboo. Our families were not particularly religious so there wasn’t that whole “sin” stigma. It was just one of those things that everyone knew wasn’t acceptable but was never talked about.

As younger children, they’d probably assumed we were prone to playing the typical “doctor” games and exploring each others bodies. It was human nature… But something was different between he and I. To my knowledge, I never recalled doing any of those sorts of things with him. Things were always much different than that typical childhood curiosity with us. For as long as I could remember he’d always been fairly protective of me. With my intense shyness, he would often stand up for me if another cousin or someone was picking on me and he often took the heat for mistakes that I had made. I was able to have fun with him and he understood my shyness.

Had we not been related we probably would have ended up one of those cliché childhood sweetheart couples. Our parents had dismissed our childhood closeness to our age. ‘They’re just kids’ they’d say. That probably only reinforced my feelings that what was developing between me and him was OK. It was inevitable that I would develop some sort of a crush with the way he acted towards me.


There was a night we had been watching television in my room. I was on my bed, and he was seated beside it. I was not nervous in any way… We had always done things like this together, for the most part. His family was downstairs with mine, though my sister was in her room across from me with his younger sister.

We were chatting about the show and numerous other things. It was trivial conversation for which I had a great love at the time. As our interest and attention in the television show diminished, he looked at me with a strange expression.

I bit my lip and my brows furled, a common thing I did when nervous or unsure. He smiled and I became incredibly nervous.

“You know, you’re really pretty.” He said to me, sitting up slowly.

I chewed on my lip slightly, and mumbled something along the lines of ‘What are you talking about… Don’t be stupid.”

Then I heard a noise coming up the stairs and he quickly moved away from me. It was his father telling us to go to bed. He gave me a look that said be careful. I think he realized something had changed the relationship between his son and I. It was then the caution when dealing with the proximity of us began. We were maturing physically and sexually, and they were aware of it. The future would show that it would truly be our mothers who were so opposed to our closeness. My father was never really around to deal with me and his father would divorce his mother during our teenage years. They knew it was only a matter of time before something happened and they were determined to stop it.

There were many times after that summer when I thought of him in an… incestuous way. During my nightly routine of masturbation before sleep I often wondered what being with someone would be like. I had had one boyfriend at that point, and the furthest we’d gone was a single kiss. I was young, immature and shy. I longed for more, but wished for someone I could trust. I began to develop somewhat of a fantasy about him. Over the months it developed into a subtle obsession of mine. I dreamed of being alone in his room, taking him by surprise as I pushed him onto the bed. Dreams of passionate kiss, tender embraces, and pleasure filled actions.

He’d always been there for me and he’d already shown his interest. I just wanted someone I could trust and that childhood crush was resurfacing.

As summer approached, I decided I wanted something from him. I was determined to show him that I was interested. I was ready. I developed a slight plan as we made our way to their home. I would be nice to him, but not too nice for fear of drawing suspicion to my actions. I would use subtle actions to show him I was ready for more. It was so immature, but so was I at the time.

We’d been visiting for nearly 3 days and I’d yet to make a move. I found myself unable to make any advances because either we were constantly surrounded by parents or siblings or when some sort of alone time fathomed itself, I was far too shy. I cursed my timid personality, desperately wishing we could fulfill my dreams and fantasies.

On the second last night we were there, I found myself alone with him for the third time. We sat in his room, playing some random game on his new gaming system. I wasn’t really concentrating on the game and I felt a nervous air about us. The door was shut and it was nearing midnight. I may only have been fourteen, but I knew sexual tension as well as anyone. The air was filled with it.

My mind buzzed with ideas, none of which my body was willing to respond to. I bit my lip, somewhat angrily, wishing I could just make a move. I was silently cursing myself when I felt him slide closer to me. I was sitting with my back to his bed and he sat beside me.

My heart began to beat faster and I knew this was my chance. I just hoped he would respond as I’d made him in my fantasies.

He leaned his head, resting it on my shoulder, and I felt myself blush. I’d never been this close to anyone. His hand moved towards mine, and I realized we had likeminded thoughts. His fingers caressed my palm and I smiled contentedly. I let my head rest against his, not wanting this moment to end.

Anyone would have figured these actions to be a production of raging teen hormones, but at that moment I knew it was more than just a sexual need. I’d always had feelings for him but they had been ignored or pushed away until now. I really just wanted to be close and have him hold me. Any further actions were purely a demonstration of my love for him.

Sure, I was young. What did I know about love? Nothing really… But I knew that the feelings within me for this boy, my… cousin were not a recent revelation. I’d just never let myself truly understand them until now and knew that they were something I hadn’t felt for anyone else. Being with him gave me such a warm feeling in my heart.

I heard a muffled noise and suddenly realized someone was coming up the stairs. We jumped away from each other faster than lightning hits the ground. My heart beat at an astonishing rate as I lay on the ground, trying to look normal. I pretended to be engrossed in the video game, just as I noticed him doing. I suddenly felt very nervous.

We heard his door open and I stared intently at the screen, my fingers moving at a rapid pace upon the controller.

“Julie, honey, its time for bed. The girls are waiting for you downstairs.” I looked up, hoping the guilt of what I had been just about to do would not be so apparent on my face.

I nodded and stood up. My eyes met his as I made my way toward the door. I gave him an Oh-my-God-that-was-so-close kind of look. His eyes held the same message.

I passed by his mother, who looked rather suspicious, but I was ok. She had no real evidence anyway. And we hadn’t really done anything to begin with.

I smiled as I walked downstairs. I knew tomorrow night would be interesting. We’d finally crossed the initial awkwardness of letting each other know that something was there.

Little did I know, I was getting deeply involved in something that would alter my life drastically. Things were far greater then a mere physical attraction. My heart was involved. Though it’s easy to say I had always felt something for him. He’d always done little things to show me he cared and I’d responded. Things were going to be a whole lot different between us now that we were finally able to express our feelings through actions.

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Chapter 2 will come fairly soon I hope =)