Breaking the Fall

Breaking The Fall

Summary: For humans, suicide is an unforgivable sin; for angels, love given to anything but God himself is the same. When David feels he has nothing to live for, could one angel’s fall become his salvation?

Warning: Christmas fluff, M/M

Disclaimer: All these characters are mine, from my head, no ifs ands or buts. Please don't steal them.

Part One: Falling from Heaven

"Read to me, read to me!" The young girl bounced up enthusiastically from her just-tucked covers and David sighed, lacing his fingers back through his sandy blonde locks with a frown. "Please, Papa? Please, please? You promised you wouldn’t go yet..." Her wide blue eyes seemed to grow impossibly larger to accompany her pouting lip, and the man hung in the doorway, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Lacy...how many times do I have to tell you, I’m not your Daddy anymore? I need to get some work-"

"But Nick isn’t nice like you are, Papa! And only you can read the mousey story..." Her tone quieted with that comment, her eyes looked so shaky, he near expected she’d cry. That alone could have convinced him, and he gave in with a defeated sigh, moving back toward her bed. The immediate response of continued energetic bouncing greeted him instantly and she gave a happy squeak of pleasure. "Read the mousey story, the mousey story!"

He grinned with a light chuckle and shook his head as her small hands tugged on his arm, leading him down to her bed. "The mousey story? Now...what mousey story would that be?"

"The...the..." Her rounded features wrinkled slightly in puzzlement and thought before she gave a childish glare of accusation. "You know...the mousey story! The one...the one with..."

"Hmm..." He gave a look of mock concentration as he looked over her small, bedside bookshelf and its minor selection. "I really don’t think I know which one you’re talking about, Lacy..."

She only gaped at him and protested by gripping on his sleeve, scrambling up and using his brace to stand. At three and half, she possessed a decent vocabulary, not to mention an avid interest in using other people’s bodies as jungle gyms; the perfect climbing tool.

"The...the..."

"This one?" He lifted down a small, rounded book, colorful and shaped like a clown. She gave a terribly indignant expression, as if she couldn’t believe his stupidity and he almost laughed out loud. "No?" Her blue eyes narrowed. "Alright, alright...what about...." He reached up again. "This one?" This book had a bright blue, happy looking female train on it. "The Little Engine That Could?" He read the title and she shook her head decidedly.

"No! Not...not a train! The mousey story!"

He smiled and glanced up, easily locating the book he knew she wanted. "I can’t believe you still remember this, Lacy..." He felt her small hands gripping at his shirt again and she bounced with another squeak of anticipation as he brought down the book she knew was right.

Big, thin and square, the dark blue book instantly caught her interest and she grinned happily as he brought it down. A homey looking, warm fireplace adorned the front cover, an empty, but obviously well used rocking chair in front, still supplied with knitting materials and lighted by the firelight. When the girl looked at it, though, she paid no mind to this, and her crystal blue eyes locking instantly on the almost invisible brown head just peeking out from the top of a carefully hung stocking. Her mouse; the mousey story.

"The Night Before Christmas..." He watched her expression, her round eyes and lighted cheeks, and for one moment, almost regretted his decision. Maybe Kathryn wasn’t so bad, maybe...if he’d just ignored- No. He shook his head. As much as he loved Lacy, she was the only good thing to come of that relationship. He loved his daughter, but he knew that no matter how wonderful a woman Kathryn was, he could never love her the way he should, the way she deserved. He sighed quietly and ruffled a gentle hand through the girl’s pearly blonde locks. If only she understood that...

"Hey, are you gonna let me read that thing or not? I can’t read it with you staring at the cover all day." Round, rosy cheeks pinked even further and she bashfully passed over the book, and he grinned mischievously. "Come here, you rascal, you’re not getting away that easily..."

"Papa!" She gave a joyful giggle and squirmed with an only half-hearted attempt at escape before he caught her, grabbing her in a tiny wriggling bundle and plopping her in his lap.

"Yeah, yeah. Now hush or I won’t read it." Her lips shut tight instantly and her eyes widened in mock fear of the punishment, but she knew he would. Papa always read to her when he came over, or played with her and talked to her. She liked him so much more than Nick, but Mamma never looked happy around Papa anymore...

She curled into his chest, gripping at his shirt almost possessively, as if the instant she let go, he might disappear, and in a sense, that’s how it often happened. When he began speaking though, she smiled and rested her head.

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..." His voice came warm, soft and loving, each word filling her heart and it didn’t matter what he said; she just wanted to listen. As he continued on, she only curled closer, perfectly content in his arms, safe and protected.

Right before she slipped of, she mumbled in the quietest, most sincere whisper imaginable. "Thank you, Papa...I love you..."

By the time he finished, the man shut the book in silence, a faint, almost sad look on his face as he set it to the side and looked to the quietly sleeping figure in his arms. "Love you too, Lacy." He brushed one, gentle kiss across her forehead before shifting carefully and tucking her back beneath the sheets. "Goodnight...and do be a good girl for me."

He stood from the bed, placed the book away, and gave one last glance to the bed before moving up toward the door. Thoughts elsewhere, he didn’t notice a presence in the door till a curt voice interrupted him and his eyes snapped up.

"Having fun with my daughter?" He felt his gut twist and it took everything in him not to react, to keep his face expressionless, ignoring the sneer that followed his movement. "Giving her a little lesson on life? Warming her up for-"

"Stop." It came out near a whisper, a plea as he stepped from the room. The other man sneered, raking his eyes over the exiting man as he shut the door behind him.

"Love the daughter a bit more than the wife? Take a special liking in-"

"She’s my daughter!" The words came out hissed as he spun on the other man, praying his voice didn’t break as he felt it would. "Of course I love her. Kathryn knows that. Why can’t you?" ‘It’s no wonder Lacy hates you.’ His eyes stung and his throat hurt with the million things he wanted to say, the million things he wanted to shout, but couldn’t even whisper.

Nick’s sneer sent a spike of ice at his heart and he spat his words like ridding filth from his tongue. "Back off me, faggot...and get out of my house. I don’t know what Katy thinks she sees in you...but you don’t deserve half of her."

The other sighed and shook his head, about to turn away when a startled voice caught his attention. "Oh! D-david...you’re...you’re done with Lacy? Is...is she-" David gave a faint smile as he looked up to the woman. She really was beautiful. He understood why Nick got so defensive, but then, who knew better than he himself?

"She’s asleep. I left her to it."

The woman smiled and it lighted her features with nervous hesitancy. "Thank you...David. I...I suppose you’ll go home now?" She glanced past to Nick, scowling, and arms folded as he leered from his position on the wall.

"Yes. I..." He paused, as if re-thinking his words. Finally he gave a faint smile. "Yes. I’ll leave. Have a lovely Christmas, Kat. Tell...Lacy for me, ok? I...might not be able to visit again soon..." At the woman’s confusion, he tried to give a more comforting smile, but it only weakened, and he dropped his gaze. "Please?"

"Of...course...o-of course I will. Is something-"

"Nothing." He kissed her cheek quickly slipping something in her hand before whispering quietly. "Merry Christmas." Before she could question him further, he turned and slipped on his jacket, pulling it tighter to him and the next instant, he was gone. She only stared after.

"David..."

~o~

The wind nipped at him instantly, his jacket doing little to defer the cold as it seeped into his skin; millions of icy needles. He shivered as his feet crunched through the snow, glistening and white, but he paid no mind to the surroundings. Christmas cast the night lighted town into a glow, red, green and gold shimmering on everything like tiny lights of heaven. He noticed nothing but his fogging breath as he stepped into the car before him, parked just outside their driveway. He didn’t belong here; he didn’t know why he fooled himself.

The car provided little relief from the cold, and he vaguely thought of turning on the heater, but never got to it as he started the engine. He wondered what Lacy’d get for Christmas. He wanted to give her a gift, something, even if she didn’t know it was from him, but that thought sounded foolish even as it came to him. Nick hated him, he’d never let him back. He didn’t want to go back, not with that man there. It only reminded him of who cared for his daughter now. Not him.

He shut his eyes and forced back the anger that built with that thought. As long as she was safe, and happy, it didn’t matter if he saw her. Nick could take care of her, surely.

‘But Nick isn’t nice like you are, Papa!’


He smiled at the thought, pulling out of the driveway carefully. Slow driving tonight, winter left icy streets this year and with the Christmas rush, the cars packed the streets.

‘Having fun with my daughter?’

His hands gripped tightly to the wheel and his teeth grit unintentionally as he took a calming breath. God he hated that man. He shook his head harshly. No. He hardly knew him. He shouldn’t assign hate so freely.

‘You don’t hate him? And yet you do feel this ripping burning loathing that makes you want to-‘

He visibly jumped and near swerved in the street, heart racing as he glanced about his empty car. Finding nothing, his brow furrowed. He swore he heard a voice... Laughter, like the tinkling of tiny bells, faded off in his mind. He more felt it than heard it. It left a tiny tingle in his senses before dissipating completely.

"I’m going insane too?" He shook his head and pulled into his driveway. "Terrific."

His house lay dark, but turning on the lights did little to lighten his mood. After a quickly prepared microwave meal, he sat alone at his table, empty fork in hand as thoughts took over his dormant mind. Distant and not really focusing on much of anything, he lifted his gaze to find the snow picking up again outside.

Next door, a woman called two snowball covered children inside, two brightly lit miniature Christmas tree’s lighting their forms as they reluctantly followed in. He glanced back down to the empty plastic container before him, smeared with the orange remains of macaroni. Frowning, he lifted the paper light trash and dumped it.

"Papa...do you...do you think Santa will...will get me a present?" She looked so worried, her eyes like giant oceans as she looked up to the man leading her, but her grip in his hand stayed insistent. If she held tight enough, this big, kind man would stay with her forever. David gave a very serious expression, tone suddenly low and full of intent.

"Well...that depends.’" If possible, her eyes widened further. "Have you been a very, very good girl this year?" He swooped her up in one move to his hip and she gave a loud, joyful giggle as she wrapped her tiny grip tightly around his neck.

"Yes, Papa.’’

He met her gaze brightly, his smile sincere and loving as he said quietly. "Then I’m sure you’ll get everything in your wildest fantasies, princess."

"Promise?" He chuckled and nuzzled her nose lightly, his own matching blue eyes intent as he nodded with a grin.

"Promise."

Not for the first time that day, he felt his eyes sting at the memory, and he quickly shut them, took a breath, and shook his head. Foolishness. He headed for the bathroom with every intention of brushing his teeth, taking an aspirin, and going to bed, but after finishing with his teeth and washing his mouth, as he opened his medicine cabinet, something paused him, and he stared over the various bottles there.

He frowned ever so slightly. Funny...how one pill could do so many wonders, and yet a small overdose...could end everything. He reached up and grabbed the desired container, but instead of opening it, taking one as he should, and replacing it, he stood there, just holding the thing, a letting a whirlwind of thoughts take him over.

"What about, Lacy, David? What about her? Do you feel nothing for her too?" Kathryn stood before him shaking, tears obvious and streaming in her dark, rapidly blinking eyes. Her trembling hands struggled to press back at the dampness, as if to somehow hide it, but he couldn’t take it and caught her hand, shaking his head.

"You know I don’t, it’s not-"

"Don’t touch me! D-don’t..." Her voice broke with her sobs as she yanked back from him, stumbling over herself in the process, and only his reflexes allowed him to catch her, just in time before she fell backwards. This time, she didn’t pull away. "Can’t you even...tell me...w-why....I...God, I love you, David..." Her eyes pleaded with him, helpless as she lifted her trembling hands to his face, and he shut his eyes, knowing all the while she deserved better. Deserved someone who could love her back.

"I’m so sorry, Kathryn...please know that if it made the least bit of sense...I’d tell you...but...I don’t want it to sound like an excuse." He shook his head. "You deserve someone better. You...and Lacy...you deserve the world."

"But we don’t want the world, David..." She held his eyes shakily. "...we want you."

"That’s the one thing I can’t give."

He dropped out a pill into his hand. One, two, three. He dumped the whole thing across his bathroom counter with a jolt of frustration and watched the red and white pills dance, skipping about the hard surface and rolling around. He felt his chest tighten as he looked over them and picked up one between his fingers. One to make a headache go away. How much to make a heart stop?

With one angry swipe he slammed the cabinet open again, spilling out at least three more bottles to join the first. One tipped and the cap knocked off, spilling a whole new variety, every shape and size, across his already littered counter. His eyes froze on a specific pill, and he let out a choked-sob. His eyes shut tight as he gripped it, and his head fell down as he leaned over the sink, one tiny orange elephant vitamin clutched in his palm.

"But...they taste funny..." He laughed out loud at her expression, wrinkled in distaste at the look of the colored tablet in her hand. Neither its shape nor its animal resemblance fooled her into trusting it’s origins.
"But they’re good for you!" She only gave a distrusting glare and he rolled his eyes, critically inspecting the vitamin’s container with squinted eyes as he read the label. "There, see? Vitamin C...and Calcium! It’ll help you build strong bones and...build strong bones!"

She frowned. "You said that twice."

He sighed. "What if I eat one first, alright? Will you eat one then?" She gave it brief consideration before giving an affirmative nod. He grinned. "Good." He placed a single purple monkey in his mouth and instantly grimaced. "God, these things do taste terrible." Her bubbly laughter made it worth it. He bought her new vitamins after that.

Tears did fall at that, his hands gripped so tight to the sink they shook, and his breath came choppy. No one would miss him. Kathryn maybe, but she’d get over it. Lacy would forget him, like she should. It wasn’t right to have a father that couldn’t be there, a father that abandoned her. He shut his eyes tight. Besides, she had a new father now.

The thought of Nick, his sneering and disgusted expression made his stomach curl and he randomly shot a hand forward, grabbing whatever his fingers gripped around first. Hand an inch from his lips, something skittered at his feet and he near jumped, dropping everything like rain about him. Instantly, he searched for the source, heart pounding, but saw nothing. Before he even got a chance to puzzle on the incident, his doorbell rang, and his eyes shot up in startled surprise. Who on earth?

Shaking his head rapidly and trying to calm his suddenly accelerated breathing, he got hold of himself quickly and shut the incriminating bathroom scene tightly behind him before he shifted one hand through his hair in a nervous gesture and walked forward to his door. Taking one breath, he reached for the handle, and when he opened the door, he felt his heart stop.

A boy, or a man, he couldn’t quite tell the age. Somehow, he looked...ageless? Impossibly white hair surrounded his already glassy pale features like a silver halo, highlighting every curve of immaculately smooth, porcelain skin. His rosy cheeks shone with the heat brought from cold and his similarly crystalline gaze glistened with reflections of the white snow about him. David opened his mouth, shut it; shut his eyes, opened them, and the words formed on his lips before he even registered them in his mind.

"Are you an angel?"

————o——–—

Two shimmering, silvery eyes gazed down with a hopelessly dazed expression, a lazy, lost smile in place across perfectly colored light peach lips. It made his heart flutter with happiness just to watch the scene below, and if he shut his eyes, concentrated, he could float down, almost hear the man’s steady voice, fluent and loving. It spread warmth through him and lifted his bubbling spirit to all new heights.

"Luke!"

He snapped back from the human world, silver hair tossing as he glanced back over his shoulder and quickly gave a burst of flight, gracefully swooping to his feet just in time, but his guilt-flushed cheeks betrayed his actions, and he lowered his eyes at Anadiel’s scrutinizing gaze before him.

"You were watching the humans again." It came as a statement, not a question, and the young divinity only shuffled his wings behind him, their glistening white feathers catching the light. "If Etiel catches you-"

"I only watch from a distance! It’s just..." His cheeks flushed further in a human trait he never seemed to loose. "He’s...he’s so beautiful...and-"
"He?" The feminine form before him gave a worried look. "Luke...it’s not your place to watch over the humans...and such a fascination in a mortal...male at that-"

"I just want to help him, Anadiel! He’s always so...sad." His last words came as a faded whisper, as if speaking of the other’s misery somehow brought the same condition upon himself, and his divine features lowered, visibly dimming a fraction and losing just a tiny piece of his fragile immortal existence. "I just want to help him..."

A soft smile shifted into place across her suddenly sympathetic features, and the woman before him brushed a feather light, fading touch across his forehead. "Someday, Luke, you can become a Guardian...and you can do worlds for the humans." She said it quietly with a tone of understanding. "But for now you must push such worry from your mind. Come, Oripur seeks your company."

The younger sighed, the motion a quickly passing show of his waning interest in the golden perfection of his home. Even as he nodded, his gaze lingered to the earth below, the light wisps of cloud, endless oceans, and open plains of green that forever taunted him, so close, and yet so impossible to reach. His reflective eyes fluttered shut, glassy lashes brushing down to his cheeks for one perfect instant as he imagined himself there, in the middle of that grass, beneath that sky, and beside those oceans.

A tiny smile curved gently to place on his lips and the man appeared, the one man he always watched, holding him, just holding him, and smiling.

"Luke!"

His thoughts cut off there and he felt a pang of regret at the loss of his dreamworld. "I’ll...be there...one more moment. You can go on without me..." She briefly considered this, but finally nodded and turned her gaze from him, one swift beat and she was in the air again, long gone. Luke let his smile return and decided one last, tiny peek couldn’t hurt.

The man was in his car now, but something felt off, and against his better judgment, he brought himself down again, flittering as an invisible presence to better understand the man’s emotions. Grief. It struck him first, so hard it nearly brought him to tears with that alone, but the man hid it so well, his face remaining calm even as his emotions twisted. Hate. Gut-wrenching pain and regret.

He wanted to reach out, somehow touch him, reach him, anything, but couldn’t. Then, denial. His thoughts came almost as strong as words, stronger even. He couldn’t hate, not for someone he knew so little. Luke felt a spark of heavy frustration, and he shouted, despite its uselessness.

"You don’t hate him? And yet you do feel this ripping burning loathing that makes you want to-"

The man jumped and for one instant, Luke felt sure he heard him. Once he got over his shock, he laughed, the sound tinkling lightly into the emptying air as he faded back out again. When he made it safely back to the clouds, even as the shimmering, everlasting light of heaven bathed him in warmth and protection, he suddenly felt a cold loss, and his laughter faded back to a lonely, lost expression. His eyes didn’t care for the perfection of holy beauty, he longed only for what he couldn’t have. Human love and happiness. Sadness enveloped him.

He tried to follow after, tried to keep up with Anadiel’s attempt at comforting words, but each time he found himself dozing off, not into sleep, but distant and worrying thoughts. Every time he tried to ignore his worry, though, it only got worse, and more and more he felt an overpowering sense of dread, foreboding.

"...and humans really are such fickle creatures. They-"

He shook his head abruptly. "I’ll be right back, Anadiel...I...think I forgot something."

His female companion gave a small frown. Not only did he have nothing to leave behind, but he barely even worked on trying to make the words sound believable. Before she could object, he took off. One light burst of speed and he disappeared into the sky.

He didn’t know what exactly, but even before he made contact, he knew something felt terribly wrong. The instant he made the connection, it only confirmed his worry, but to a far worse degree.

The loneliness hit him first, like a giant wave of endless despair and isolation, all ripping at one man’s heart. He thought he couldn’t bear it one second longer. Then he noticed the surroundings, and his chest fluttered in sudden overwhelming panic. Pills, everywhere, death written on everyone of them.

Loss, despair, confusion; he could sense the near point of insanity. He’d seen it before. As an angel he’d seen so much before, in teenagers, drug-addicts, the mentally displaced. But this was different. The man didn’t fear the pills. He didn’t want death, but he wanted escape, and as he reached a hand out, Luke knew he needed to do something, anything, to stop him.

In one snap, the forced himself into the first form that came to his mind. Later he would curse himself for the foolishness of it, but at that moment, he didn’t care, and in the body of a mouse, he skittered quickly over the man’s feet, ready to take much more drastic measures if that didn’t work (namely biting him), but when his handful scattered all about him to the floor in a sudden shower, Luke felt his heart leap. The next instant, his mouse form disappeared from existence, leaving the man to simply stare at the vacant area of floor.

After his momentary success, Luke knew one side trick wouldn’t suffice, and he needed the man out of that bathroom; out of reach of such a handy ending to everything. Before considering the circumstances, before even giving one passing thought to the rules that bound him, he forced a much more difficult transformation, and, without a second thought, pressed the man’s doorbell.

As he waited there, consequences began coming to mind. Without the title of Guardian, he wasn’t even supposed to eye the humans as much as he did, let alone take their form. Even Guardian’s rarely took human form and when the man answered the door, looking momentarily startled speechless, his final words hit a cord.

"Are you an angel?"

Somewhere in his mind, Luke briefly considered. ‘Probably not anymore...’

To be continued in Part Two: When Angels Spend the Night...


A/N: Whoo! Posted! Ok. Here's the first of what I plan to publish as a four part series...(if you've read my work before you know I hate promises...T_T). Anyway! I plan to post one section a day till the finally on Christmas. Happy holidays everyone! Please tell me what ya think! ^_^ That means review. o_o PLEASE!