What love is

Author: RainbowGirl
Rating: NC-17 Due to sexual content and minor involvement.
Characters: Melissa, Monica, Laura and Sarah are the main characters, other\'s are mentioned and have a small part.
Feedback: A little constructive criticism is alway welcome:)
Author\'s Note: This is my first story at this site and my first attempt writing from a first person perspective, its based on events in my life and some names have been changed, and fiction added to protect the persons involved. Dedicated to Monica D.

Foreword:
Its strange how we are taught when we’re young, that sometimes love is right and sometimes wrong, sometimes good, and sometimes even forbidden. Ultimately we figure it out for ourselves. When I look back at my childhood and try to sort out what was right or wrong, I find that I still think I’m right and the world is wrong! I started thinking that way just before my eleventh birthday. At that time, I felt it was the biggest thing in the world to finally hit eleven years of age! It meant that I was no longer a little girl. And at the same time, I wasn’t sure of how to be a big girl? Like all kids, I had a mind like a sponge that soaked up information from everyone I was around. And I guess I absorbed a little more information than I needed? This story is dedicated to a very special person in my life. (names have been changed) I own no one, non-profit, NC-17, F/F, Minor.

Chapter One
The letter

It was Wednesday July15th, it had been raining almost constantly for several days and I was hoping it would at least be sunny on Friday so we could have my birthday party in the back yard. A few of my friends had been invited and they’d promised to be there, well…except for Todd and Michael, they didn’t want to come to a party where there would be girls and ‘girly stuff ’ which was fine with me, they’d only spoil it with their stupid joking around and making fun of everything if it didn’t have anything to do with videogames and monster trucks.

Monica had already went out and got all the decorations and had even arranged to have a professional magician come over and put on a magic show! Monica was a friend of my moms. They met back when my mom was seeing a psychiatrist. Monica knew one of the doctors in the building and was getting tips and information about the profession. She was wanting to go to a local university to study psychology but couldn’t afford the tuition.

So anyway, once they’d gotten to know each other and became friends, my mom came up with a way that they could help each other. She explained that my dad died in a plane crash two years earlier, and she had been killing herself trying stay on top of the real-estate business that he and she had started years before I was born. Which is why she was seeing a psychiatrist in the first place.

As it happened, mom moved Monica in with us and gave her one of the largest of the six bedrooms; which was just down the hall from mine, and paid for her collage courses. Mom made it clear to me that from then on, Monica’s room was off limits unless I was invited.

Now that she was here, mom could continue with the real-estate business and not be burdened by me, and Monica could study for her PhD and fill in the mommy spot now and then. She’d only been living with us for two weeks and was already going to be my temporary mom! Oh well, at least she took time to talk to me, mom was always gone, or too busy to even notice me. Monica stayed in her room studying most of the time, she was eight years older than me so needless to say our interest’s were a little different.

I just did whatever I could find to do to keep from being bored, like trying on all the outfits in my closet. Mom did buy me lots of cool clothes, like the huge light green jersey shirt with the pink number ten on it that I slept in every night. Of all the sleepwear I had, it was my most favorite. The rare and few times we went shopping, mom sure didn’t care about spending money, I got to choose whatever I wanted. But this birthday wouldn’t be any different from the others, she wasn’t going to be at my party this time because she had business to attend to in California. In fact, she was going to be away for three weeks setting up a new branch office there. At least that’s what she told me?

She’d left that Wednesday morning in such a rush to catch her flight that she almost ran me over, and practically threw a couple of credit cards at Monica and said “the PIN numbers are in the top dresser drawer in my bedroom along with some cash, bye!” And just like that, she was gone! … again. I didn’t do much the rest of the day, I just watched TV, listened to some cd’s, micro-waved some popcorn, brushed my teeth and went to bed.

That Thursday morning at 6:30am, I woke up to the sound of a raging thunderstorm. I got up and went downstairs and saw that Monica was already up, but still in her pajamas and had just came up from the cellar. I trotted up beside her and asked what she was doing? She seemed a little nervous and she had a strange look on her face. It was obvious that something wasn’t right.

“Oh…um, Melissa sweetie, could you do me a big favor and see if you can find Mr. Hensley’s phone number?”

“Yeah sure, but he doesn’t work for us anymore, mom fired him weeks ago. What do you need him for?”

I could tell she was really worried about something and didn’t want to waste any time. She had her pajama bottoms rolled up and her feet were wet, and she began to get impatient.

“I know your mom fired him, but there’s water coming into the basement, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Wow, some big emergency! I thought to myself. Then I told her; “It always floods like that when it rains a lot, you don’t need to call Mr. Hensley, I know where the pump switch is. It’s on the wall in the storage room, the door is always locked but you should have the key on your key set.”

I could see the relief in her face as she smiled and placed her hands on my shoulders.

“Oh that’s right! Your mom said all the keys were on there. Thanks Melissa, now would you be a big girl and run up to my room and get the keys for me please? They’re in the middle drawer of my computer desk, Ok? Thank you sweetie.”

As I headed back upstairs, I thought to myself, be a big girl? I wish she wouldn’t talk to me as if I was a baby, I’m going to be eleven years old tomorrow, I am not a baby!

When I went into her room, I didn’t bother turning on the light switch since the illumination from the computer screen was enough, and as I approached the desk, I couldn’t help noticing the most beautiful screensaver I’d ever seen! It was of a make believe land with little fairies flying around leaving trails of multicolored glitter that shined in a full moon’s light.

I reached and pulled the drawer open and as I did, the mouse moved and caused the screensaver to go off. On the screen I could see that she’d been writing an email, and being the curious little spy that I was, I began reading.

“Hey Sarah, looks like I’m not going to make it to Megan’s wedding, Laura is going to be in California for the next three weeks and I’ve been asked to baby-sit Melissa and look after things. Sorry. I tried to call you but I got a recording saying that the number has been changed. I hope you read this soon because I really need your new number so we can stay in touch. So please call me on my cell as soon as you get this, ok? By the way, the thing we talked about the other night, don’t worry about it, I totally understand. I’m sure going to miss having sex with you though. Anyway, Its about time you started a serious relationship with Jessica, I hope that kiss didn’t mess things up for you? I mean, you’ve had your eye on her for a while now! And don’t worry about me, I’ll find another sex partner. Who knows, maybe I’ll try to hook up with…”

That was it! That was where she stopped! I didn’t know what to think? My thoughts were running wild, I kept going back to the part that said “I’m going to miss having sex with you!” Who was having sex? Her and Sarah? It has to be! Monica is a lesbian? I’m not stupid, I know what a lesbian is. I’ve never met a real one before though, is it safe to be here with her? Should I call someone?

I thought about it for a minute and then decided, no, no need in calling anyone, Monica would never hurt me, I know that much. Suddenly I heard her coming up the stairs.

“Melissa? Did you find the keys? What‘s taking so long?”

Oh no, I can’t let her know that I saw her letter! I grabbed the keys and hurried down the hall and met her at the top of the stairs.

“Here they are, I found them, come on I’ll show you where the switch is,” I said trying to lead her away from the room. This could turn out to be a lot of fun! Of all the spying and eaves dropping I did on moms boring friends and clients, I’ve finally stumbled upon something really big! I thought as we descended into the cellar.

I stood next to her as she began trying each of the keys until she found the one that fit. Finally the door was opened and by this time, the water was over our ankles deep, but the storage area was two steps up and it was dry.

“There it is, it’s that switch over there,” I said pointing it out. Monica walked over and raised the lever and the pump motor began running.

“There, that should do it? I’m glad you knew what to do, your mom said to call Mr. Hensley only as a last resort. You’re a pretty smart girl Melissa, thanks!” she said smiling at me.

She hadn’t lived with us long enough to know where everything was, and It felt good knowing I could help. Still, it was hard not to act suspicious about her, I wasn’t sure of what to say so I just started showing her around the storage room.

“All the gardening tools are over here, there’s a bunch of old furniture stored in the back, that large panel with all the switches control the outdoor lighting, and the big door is where the backup generator is but its all dusty in there.”
It really wasn’t dusty, I just didn’t want her to know there was a latter inside the generator room that led to a floor hatch in the kitchen pantry. It was my secret passage when I needed to sneak into the storage room. I also knew about Mr. Hensley’s little secret place. Then I had an idea; hmmm… she likes having sex with girls huh? I know just the thing to bring the subject up! But I need to see if she can be trusted first. I thought as she continued to look around.

“Wow Melissa, you sure know your way around down here. When I was a little girl, I was always afraid of being in places like this.”

“Yeah, me and my friend April used to play down here a lot, Mr. Hensley explained all this stuff once and said we should never touch it. That’s when he started keeping the door locked. But I know a secret about this room too.”

“Oh, really? What secret?” she asked almost whispering and acting a little childish.

“I’ll show you but its just between us, ok? Are we cool?”

She just sort of giggled and said “don’t worry, I’ll never tell anyone! I’m very good at keeping secrets, you can trust me. … Always remember that.” she added with a sweet smile.

I just smiled back a little and walked over to an old fuse box that was above a cot where Mr. Hensley used to nap sometimes, and I reached to open it.

“What are you doing! Oh sweetie no, don’t touch that, you could get electrocuted!”

“Don’t worry, its fake, see?” I said as I opened the door of the box and took out some magazines.

Monica’s mouth dropped open when she saw them. “Melissa!? How did you know about this secret place? And where did you get those porno magazines?”

“They’re not mine! They belonged to Mr. Hensley. April and I used to spy on him when he was down here. He used to look at these and take out his thing and pull on it! One time, April giggled and we almost got caught but we got away before he saw us.”

“Well it’s a good thing he didn’t catch you. There’s no telling what he might have did to you two if he had?” she said, then sat next to me on the cot.

I just laughed and replied, “Who, Mr. Hensley? No way! He‘s just an old man, he would never hurt me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, do you know why your mom fired him?”

“No, she never told me.”

“Well, I guess its time for me to tell you a secret? And you have to promise me you wont tell your mom, or April, or anyone I told you about this, ok?”

“Ok sure, I promise! I can keep secrets too,” I said and thought to myself, this is too easy, she’s actually going to confess!

“Alright I’m going to trust you, I think you should know this anyway for your own good,” she said, and then she placed her hand gently on my shoulder. I began to worry that she was about to try something with me. But nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to learn.

“Your mom told me that she looked out the window of her bedroom and saw him peeking into the utility room by the pool, and she knew that you and your friend were in there changing.”

Suddenly, I remembered that day because it was the only time April had been in there, and if he was peeking, he saw more than just us changing too! I didn’t know what to say, I just sat there for a second and then blurted out, “Oh my god! He saw us naked? … Eww that’s gross!”

My mind was going wild, we’d been caught and didn’t even know it!

“But that’s not all Melissa, the most disturbing part is that, as he was peeking in, he was, like you said earlier … he was, umm … pulling on his thing,” she said blushing. I was speechless as I pictured it in my mind, I wanted to puke!

“Really? … So mom told you about it? Did…he tell her what he saw?”

“She told me that when she saw him doing that, she fired him on the spot and didn’t give him a chance to explain anything. I think I would of killed him if it were me that caught him.”

“Oh so… he saw us… um… changing then? Eww…”

“Well she also told me there was one other time before that, she’d caught him on his way to the cellar carrying a picture of you in your bikini, he made up a lame excuse that he’d found it on the floor and wasn’t sure where it belonged? She was mad at herself for not firing him back then instead of waiting until something worse happened.”

I was relieved that he didn’t tell what he saw, but I still couldn’t believe my ears! Good old mister Hensley who was so kind to me did that? After I got over the initial shock, I shook the thought out of my head and continued my little plot to learn Monica’s dirty little secret. My mind went back to the email she had been writing, I mean, here I am alone with her in the cellar of all places with a bunch of dirty books! Was she really gay I wondered? Well I couldn’t just ask her, so I picked up one of the magazines that I knew had a couple of lesbians in it and opened it. “What do you think about this?”

She looked at me shocked and tried to answer, “Umm … aren’t you a bit young to be asking such things? You really shouldn‘t be looking at this kind of material at your age.”

“Oh come on, I’m not a baby, I’m going to be eleven tomorrow! … Remember?”
I knew just how to handle this, just keep asking, she’ll give in eventually.

“Melissa … I … I’m not sure what you want to know? I don’t … I mean, I …”

I could tell she was getting nervous, maybe if I kept on she’d admit that she’s gay, and maybe she’ll even tell me about that girl Sarah she was writing to? So I asked her again, but this time more specifically.

“What do you think about what those girls are doing? Is it wrong? Or is it ok? What do you think?”

She sighed and began, “Well … ok, I … I … don’t think its wrong as long as they are very close friends and really like each other, I mean … I’m sure it can be a very beautiful thing, so … I um, I guess its ok,” she finally concluded trying to pretend she didn’t know much about it.

When she’d finished I thought to myself, yeah I’ll bet you guess its ok, I’ll bet that girl Sarah thinks its ok too huh?

I decided to let her off the hook and said “Thanks Monica, I just always wondered about it when we looked at these books.”

Then all at once, she jumped up and turned to me almost in a state of panic!

“We? You mean you and Mr. Hensley looked at these Magazines together!?”

I looked up at her a bit startled at her actions. “NO WAY! … I meant me and April, not him! Eww, I would never look at them while he’s around!”

She placed her hand on her forehead and sighed in relief. “I’m sorry sweetie, I know you wouldn’t, I guess its just that, well, there‘s things you don‘t understand yet about men … and even young boys … you can’t always trust them! I’ll explain it later but now is not the time. Just promise me that you’ll keep your distance if he comes around again, ok?

“Don’t worry, I hate him now!” I replied and looked back towards the magazines. The answer she gave me about the girls in the pictures just wasn’t good enough. I found myself becoming obsessed with wanting to find out more about what a real lesbian is like.

“You sure know how to put someone on the spot Melissa … Whew! Well, now that we have that out of the way, what do you say we put these things away and head up to the kitchen for some breakfast?”

I just looked at her with my best ‘cheeky little girl smile’ and said “Ok, that sounds good to me” and began putting the magazines away. I wasn’t sure how, but I was determined to find out one way or another if she was a real lesbian?

***