Band of Rusty Gold
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,056
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,056
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Band of Rusty Gold
We\'ve let Orli, Sean and Dom
loose on this, because we feel the reader needs some hot-ass moral support. R-rated stuff to come in later chapters. It\'s amazing how we\'re cats, and yet we can type. All flames/comments to the reviews section please. The original story has not been altered in *any* way.
Disclaimer: We don\'t own the original fic (thank god), just the comments made by the boys. We like to think they\'re shagging each other senseless, but in reality it\'s doubtful.
BAND OF RUSTY GOLD
*Orlando, Dominic and Sean shuffle in* They seat themselves, sighing
and grumbling all round.
Orlando: *sings* Who\'s my little beanie baby?
Sean: *sings back* Yer daft bugger.
Dom: Anyone remember to bring snacks?
Orli: I\'ve got something you can snack on, Dommie. *sniggers*
Sean: Ssh, children. It\'s starting.
//BAND OF GOLD//
Orli: Ooh, like the one ring?
Sean: I liked Cathy Tyson in this.
Dom: I don\'t think it\'s *that* Band of Gold.
//Chapter 1: Every girls dream//
Dom: Girl\'s dreams? Can we leave now?
Orli: I think Lij locked us in.
Dom: Bastard.
Sean: Now.. is that all girls dream, or every girl\'s dream? I\'m
confused.
//\"In the name of God, I, Ally Roberts take you, Jason Turner to be
my loving husband, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for
richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted
by death. This is my
solemn vow.\"//
Orli: *looks around* Who\'s talking? Who is that?
Sean: TAKE A BREATH!
//\"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the
bride.\" //
Dom & Sean: *smooching noises*
Orli: *whispers* Who\'s talking?
//Every girls dream is to grow up and maybe start a family, get
married to the man you
love and wear that one white dress that you\'ll never forget. //
Sean: My ex-wife had three white dresses.
Dom: Did she forget any of them?
Sean: Er...
Orli: You know, boys want to grow up too. Get married to the man
they love and wear that one white..
Dom: Shut it.
//What happens when you\'ve committed your vows to each other and
sealed it with a kiss.
Do thoughts run continuously through your head? Will we last? Will
we grow old
together? //
Orli: Will we lick each other\'s wrinkles?
Dom: Will he still blow me when I\'m ninety?
Sean: Will we get a dog and call it bup-pup? And Dom, I\'ll be dead
when you\'re ninety.
Dom: Crap.
//What would you do if the man you loved stayed in a separate room
on your honeymoon?
For years you\'ve been wondering how love should be and now you sit
in the darkness of
a lonely room, hoping he\'ll walk through that door and love you like
he did before.//
Orli: With whips and chains and plugs up your butt?
Dom: Whips and chains up your butt??
Orli: Idiot.
Sean: The darkness of a lonely room.. your cell on the East Wing of
the Sunnyside Institute.
//Now all that is left is a \'band of gold\' //
Orli: Around his co-
Dom: *WHACK*
//Ally walked out of London\'s best divorce court feeling refreshed
and the sense of
freedom as she pushed the huge, ochre, wooden doors open with new
strength of
power.//
Sean: Adjective diarrhoea, anyone?
Orli: I wonder where London\'s worst divorce court is?
Dom: She better be sure she doesn\'t break the doors off with her
new strength of power. *sniggering*
//The rough wind of January, flipped through her chocolate brown
hair, cursing it in
all directions, while she quickly walked down the large, concrete
steps, her black ankle
boots making a tapping sound.//
Orli: Damn you chocolate brown hair, fuck off back to Russia!
Dom: Stupid cunting hair! West!
Sean: South with you I say, to the fiery pits of hell from whence
this fic came! Shithead!
Orli: Tappity tap tap.
Dom: She\'s going to break out into the big musical number in a
minute, isn\'t she?
Sean: The Divorce Lawyers Jive. *grins*
//She looked to her suddenly cold, red and chapped
hands,//
Dom: January \"suddenly\" got cold?
//noticing her once beautiful gold ring, but now just a gold, rusty
band.//
Sean: Gold, so well known for rusting. *rolls eyes*
//She slid it off her slender finger and tossed it in the steel bin
at the bottom of the short steps with
a smug smile. Slipping on her grey, fluffy gloves she waved her hand
out towards the on
coming traffic.//
Orli: I thought the steps were large and concrete?
Dom: Sadly, a bus going too fast came out of NOWHERE and had her
hand off. Just like that. Tragic.
Sean: The grey fluffy glove, unfortunately, did not survive.
Orli: Shame her smug smile did.
//Ally Roberts, a twenty-two year old who had a great future ahead
of her as the chief
make-up artist at London\'s west end, she was a bubbly girl, fun to
be with and had the
attitude to boss and fantastic brown eyes to submit.//
Orli: Boss me with that attitude, BABY!
Sean: I know more about her than I ever wanted to. And her
fantastic eyes. And her grey fluffy gloves.
Dom: Get over the gloves, man.
Sean: Wonder how bubbly she was without her left hand?
Orli: I\'m wondering what\'s so fantastic about her submissive eyes...
Dom: They\'re brown?
Orli: The structure here is depressing me.
Dom: What structure?
//She had only been married for a month, thinking that she had found
the man of her dreams, Jason Turner a thirty year
old director of the famous theatre. But suddenly realised he only
wanted her to show off
to the public as his accessory. Not any more!//
Sean: She had rejected other, lesser mortals, who only directed
barely known theatre.
Dom: No longer would she.. no wait. Who realised that he only wanted
to show her off?
Orli: His accessory... IN CRIME. *sniggers*
//\"Hey Shal ... I\'m coming over\" Ally called out in her strong
British cockney accent, above
the noise of the engines, into her silver, Nokia mobile as she
grabbed a black taxi and
headed off down towards Abby road.//
Dom: Awlright Guv\'nah? Ooh, apples and pears. Dog and bone.
Merchant Banker.
Orli: Shouldn\'t that be Abby frog and toad?
Sean: Or Abbey Road?
Orli: No, because Abby sounds more like Ally. Right?
Sean: uhh... huh.
Dom: ...skin and blister.
Orli: Woah, she used her newfound strength of power to grab a black
taxi.. with her one remaining hand! And held it aloft in her grey
fluffy glove with a smug smile. Gave a tappity tap of her shoes and
launched into \'My Old Man\'s a Dustman\' while the suddenly cold
January wind gave her frostbite in the brain.
Dom: ..and she fell down dead?
Sean: No, I think there\'s more of this to come.
Dom: Well.. Curse her hair 78 degrees of South! Plates of meat.
Trouble and strife.
Sean: *drags Dom out by the foot*
Orli: *tapdances out after them both*
So it ended up about three times as long. Sorry. :D
Licks and Laughter
The Gay Shagging C¦
loose on this, because we feel the reader needs some hot-ass moral support. R-rated stuff to come in later chapters. It\'s amazing how we\'re cats, and yet we can type. All flames/comments to the reviews section please. The original story has not been altered in *any* way.
Disclaimer: We don\'t own the original fic (thank god), just the comments made by the boys. We like to think they\'re shagging each other senseless, but in reality it\'s doubtful.
BAND OF RUSTY GOLD
*Orlando, Dominic and Sean shuffle in* They seat themselves, sighing
and grumbling all round.
Orlando: *sings* Who\'s my little beanie baby?
Sean: *sings back* Yer daft bugger.
Dom: Anyone remember to bring snacks?
Orli: I\'ve got something you can snack on, Dommie. *sniggers*
Sean: Ssh, children. It\'s starting.
//BAND OF GOLD//
Orli: Ooh, like the one ring?
Sean: I liked Cathy Tyson in this.
Dom: I don\'t think it\'s *that* Band of Gold.
//Chapter 1: Every girls dream//
Dom: Girl\'s dreams? Can we leave now?
Orli: I think Lij locked us in.
Dom: Bastard.
Sean: Now.. is that all girls dream, or every girl\'s dream? I\'m
confused.
//\"In the name of God, I, Ally Roberts take you, Jason Turner to be
my loving husband, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for
richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted
by death. This is my
solemn vow.\"//
Orli: *looks around* Who\'s talking? Who is that?
Sean: TAKE A BREATH!
//\"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the
bride.\" //
Dom & Sean: *smooching noises*
Orli: *whispers* Who\'s talking?
//Every girls dream is to grow up and maybe start a family, get
married to the man you
love and wear that one white dress that you\'ll never forget. //
Sean: My ex-wife had three white dresses.
Dom: Did she forget any of them?
Sean: Er...
Orli: You know, boys want to grow up too. Get married to the man
they love and wear that one white..
Dom: Shut it.
//What happens when you\'ve committed your vows to each other and
sealed it with a kiss.
Do thoughts run continuously through your head? Will we last? Will
we grow old
together? //
Orli: Will we lick each other\'s wrinkles?
Dom: Will he still blow me when I\'m ninety?
Sean: Will we get a dog and call it bup-pup? And Dom, I\'ll be dead
when you\'re ninety.
Dom: Crap.
//What would you do if the man you loved stayed in a separate room
on your honeymoon?
For years you\'ve been wondering how love should be and now you sit
in the darkness of
a lonely room, hoping he\'ll walk through that door and love you like
he did before.//
Orli: With whips and chains and plugs up your butt?
Dom: Whips and chains up your butt??
Orli: Idiot.
Sean: The darkness of a lonely room.. your cell on the East Wing of
the Sunnyside Institute.
//Now all that is left is a \'band of gold\' //
Orli: Around his co-
Dom: *WHACK*
//Ally walked out of London\'s best divorce court feeling refreshed
and the sense of
freedom as she pushed the huge, ochre, wooden doors open with new
strength of
power.//
Sean: Adjective diarrhoea, anyone?
Orli: I wonder where London\'s worst divorce court is?
Dom: She better be sure she doesn\'t break the doors off with her
new strength of power. *sniggering*
//The rough wind of January, flipped through her chocolate brown
hair, cursing it in
all directions, while she quickly walked down the large, concrete
steps, her black ankle
boots making a tapping sound.//
Orli: Damn you chocolate brown hair, fuck off back to Russia!
Dom: Stupid cunting hair! West!
Sean: South with you I say, to the fiery pits of hell from whence
this fic came! Shithead!
Orli: Tappity tap tap.
Dom: She\'s going to break out into the big musical number in a
minute, isn\'t she?
Sean: The Divorce Lawyers Jive. *grins*
//She looked to her suddenly cold, red and chapped
hands,//
Dom: January \"suddenly\" got cold?
//noticing her once beautiful gold ring, but now just a gold, rusty
band.//
Sean: Gold, so well known for rusting. *rolls eyes*
//She slid it off her slender finger and tossed it in the steel bin
at the bottom of the short steps with
a smug smile. Slipping on her grey, fluffy gloves she waved her hand
out towards the on
coming traffic.//
Orli: I thought the steps were large and concrete?
Dom: Sadly, a bus going too fast came out of NOWHERE and had her
hand off. Just like that. Tragic.
Sean: The grey fluffy glove, unfortunately, did not survive.
Orli: Shame her smug smile did.
//Ally Roberts, a twenty-two year old who had a great future ahead
of her as the chief
make-up artist at London\'s west end, she was a bubbly girl, fun to
be with and had the
attitude to boss and fantastic brown eyes to submit.//
Orli: Boss me with that attitude, BABY!
Sean: I know more about her than I ever wanted to. And her
fantastic eyes. And her grey fluffy gloves.
Dom: Get over the gloves, man.
Sean: Wonder how bubbly she was without her left hand?
Orli: I\'m wondering what\'s so fantastic about her submissive eyes...
Dom: They\'re brown?
Orli: The structure here is depressing me.
Dom: What structure?
//She had only been married for a month, thinking that she had found
the man of her dreams, Jason Turner a thirty year
old director of the famous theatre. But suddenly realised he only
wanted her to show off
to the public as his accessory. Not any more!//
Sean: She had rejected other, lesser mortals, who only directed
barely known theatre.
Dom: No longer would she.. no wait. Who realised that he only wanted
to show her off?
Orli: His accessory... IN CRIME. *sniggers*
//\"Hey Shal ... I\'m coming over\" Ally called out in her strong
British cockney accent, above
the noise of the engines, into her silver, Nokia mobile as she
grabbed a black taxi and
headed off down towards Abby road.//
Dom: Awlright Guv\'nah? Ooh, apples and pears. Dog and bone.
Merchant Banker.
Orli: Shouldn\'t that be Abby frog and toad?
Sean: Or Abbey Road?
Orli: No, because Abby sounds more like Ally. Right?
Sean: uhh... huh.
Dom: ...skin and blister.
Orli: Woah, she used her newfound strength of power to grab a black
taxi.. with her one remaining hand! And held it aloft in her grey
fluffy glove with a smug smile. Gave a tappity tap of her shoes and
launched into \'My Old Man\'s a Dustman\' while the suddenly cold
January wind gave her frostbite in the brain.
Dom: ..and she fell down dead?
Sean: No, I think there\'s more of this to come.
Dom: Well.. Curse her hair 78 degrees of South! Plates of meat.
Trouble and strife.
Sean: *drags Dom out by the foot*
Orli: *tapdances out after them both*
So it ended up about three times as long. Sorry. :D
Licks and Laughter
The Gay Shagging C¦