schedule
November 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm a little lost.
schedule
July 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I am confused. Who is who? Is Aron a prep now or is he a gang member? Who is Aron's counter part or soon to be romantic interest? Justin?
I think you need to make the personality distinction VERY clear. You totally confussed Aron's past with his present. How is Aron a prep? How and when was he a goth? At what age was he adopted?
This stories summary was interesting. This is why I read the first chapter. But if Aron hasn't chanaged from Goth or if he is JUST the same bad ass he was before he was adopted only this time with nicer clothes and money then he really isn't that much of a prep now is he. The cool part of this stories summary was that Aron had changed and when he meets up with his old pal (justin or whoever) there is a challenge over comming those surface/personality/life differences. IF Aron is just going be JUST like the Goth group just as he was back then (only this time with a clean face) then the story is uninteresting. There is no challenge. Building a 'romance' would be overly simple and pointless. Opposites attract is what the stories summary read like....
Your chapter number one is uber confusing. Try and write about the past first then sedgeway into the present. Keep the two distinct cause your attempt and meshign the two with flash backs or intertwining thought failed completetly. Yeah and I would suggest a BETA. Keep the summary and put this on the Beta charts. It was a good summary although I am not so sure about your idea. Someone will be willing to help (at frist) it does depend on where it is all going but..
I think you need to make the personality distinction VERY clear. You totally confussed Aron's past with his present. How is Aron a prep? How and when was he a goth? At what age was he adopted?
This stories summary was interesting. This is why I read the first chapter. But if Aron hasn't chanaged from Goth or if he is JUST the same bad ass he was before he was adopted only this time with nicer clothes and money then he really isn't that much of a prep now is he. The cool part of this stories summary was that Aron had changed and when he meets up with his old pal (justin or whoever) there is a challenge over comming those surface/personality/life differences. IF Aron is just going be JUST like the Goth group just as he was back then (only this time with a clean face) then the story is uninteresting. There is no challenge. Building a 'romance' would be overly simple and pointless. Opposites attract is what the stories summary read like....
Your chapter number one is uber confusing. Try and write about the past first then sedgeway into the present. Keep the two distinct cause your attempt and meshign the two with flash backs or intertwining thought failed completetly. Yeah and I would suggest a BETA. Keep the summary and put this on the Beta charts. It was a good summary although I am not so sure about your idea. Someone will be willing to help (at frist) it does depend on where it is all going but..
schedule
July 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I am confused. Who is who? Is Aron a prep now or is he a gang member? Who is Aron's counter part or soon to be romantic interest? Justin?
I think you need to make the personality distinction VERY clear. You totally confussed Aron's past with his present. How is Aron a prep? How and when was he a goth? At what age was he adopted?
This stories summary was interesting. This is why I read the first chapter. But if Aron hasn't chanaged from Goth or if he is JUST the same bad ass he was before he was adopted only this time with nicer clothes and money then he really isn't that much of a prep now is he. The cool part of this stories summary was that Aron had changed and when he meets up with his old pal (justin or whoever) there is a challenge over comming those surface/personality/life differences. IF Aron is just going be JUST like the Goth group just as he was back then (only this time with a clean face) then the story is uninteresting. There is no challenge. Building a 'romance' would be overly simple and pointless. Opposites attract is what the stories summary read like....
Your chapter number one is uber confusing. Try and write about the past first then sedgeway into the present. Keep the two distinct cause your attempt and meshign the two with flash backs or intertwining thought failed completetly. Yeah and I would suggest a BETA. Keep the summary and put this on the Beta charts. It was a good summary although I am not so sure about your idea. Someone will be willing to help (at frist) it does depend on where it is all going but..
I think you need to make the personality distinction VERY clear. You totally confussed Aron's past with his present. How is Aron a prep? How and when was he a goth? At what age was he adopted?
This stories summary was interesting. This is why I read the first chapter. But if Aron hasn't chanaged from Goth or if he is JUST the same bad ass he was before he was adopted only this time with nicer clothes and money then he really isn't that much of a prep now is he. The cool part of this stories summary was that Aron had changed and when he meets up with his old pal (justin or whoever) there is a challenge over comming those surface/personality/life differences. IF Aron is just going be JUST like the Goth group just as he was back then (only this time with a clean face) then the story is uninteresting. There is no challenge. Building a 'romance' would be overly simple and pointless. Opposites attract is what the stories summary read like....
Your chapter number one is uber confusing. Try and write about the past first then sedgeway into the present. Keep the two distinct cause your attempt and meshign the two with flash backs or intertwining thought failed completetly. Yeah and I would suggest a BETA. Keep the summary and put this on the Beta charts. It was a good summary although I am not so sure about your idea. Someone will be willing to help (at frist) it does depend on where it is all going but..
schedule
June 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
have you heard of a beta??? i really really want to read this but it\'s sooooo fucking confusing becuase your grammer sucks your missing like a hundred words that need to be there to make it make any sense and your writting style looks like you were high when you wrote this.
i don\'t mean to be so crude because normally im not like that but i think if you fix those things that i mentioned this story would be awsome you just NEED to get a beta reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don\'t mean to be so crude because normally im not like that but i think if you fix those things that i mentioned this story would be awsome you just NEED to get a beta reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your writing COMPLETELY, COMPLETELY SUCKS! Im sorry im being honest..not only was it CONFUSING...but your writing sucks....comprende? Ok
schedule
November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your style is too confusing, I couldn\'t even get through the first chapter it was so confusing...
schedule
January 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This has a lot of potential PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!
schedule
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 AM
you should put up signs to show when the scene changes like ~~~ *** or wingdings and a good beta would be an improvement. but all in all it was an ok story.
schedule
February 6, 2004 at 12:00 AM
y did u stop writing this story, it is really good
please start it again
please start it again
schedule
July 29, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Man sounds like my fucking school goddanm preps just never
shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up