Hmm... I wonder what Kizzy wanted to be dropped into the lake for? I laughed out loud at "Chastia" and at that fantasy she had when she invited the angels to read her mind (seems like something most of us might do, though, to be fair), and your author's note.
That ending though... sent me rushing to check. No way. If that means what I think it means, I did not see that coming. And what does it mean? Whoah... it can't be. No! It's a very cruel thing which is short circuiting my brain and making me quite uneasy. Maybe I am wrong. I'll wait and see, but I'll worry about it, and if it turns out to be what I think it is, all I can say is bravo! Because you really got me.
Every part of this makes the universe you're creating larger, and it feels like there are other, endless stories going on in the background. This is how Tolkien started. You carry on down this road and you'll end up surrounded by notebooks. And there'll be more than one person writing fanfiction for you. :)
All the gang! Awesome, but then Jude had to turn up... grrr!
It seems like it might be turning them both to stone or something. Probably something, otherwise Shannon wouldn't have been able to lift them both.
I laughed out loud at the "Buttplug" remark. :D
I really wonder what idea Kizzy has had now. I just know she can't die. Mostly because you've got lots of story to write with her yet, and we know that vow has to backfire, because it'll be hilarious.
Ha... didn't catch any of the prompt words. I had to go back to the forum post to check on them. :)
I did see a typo here: with Jude handing atop Kizzy
Thank you for sharing and saving me from making tea for a bit - I had to read first... though now it's off to the kitchen I go.
Well, ahead of everything else, I'll just say that this chapter was tense. I legitimately don't know how they're getting out of this.
Of course...
"Fucking blue shell! I hope your fleas get fleas!"
Everything involving the Pack has at least a little bit of comedy! I love both the fact that the "competition" sounds almost like something serious and is then revealed to be Mario Kart and the "I hope your fleas get fleas!" which is just funny in general.
I also like Lupa's "Want my boot to trouble his ass?" not just because it's funny, but because it shows that in spite of her somewhat more abrasive personality and how it might conflict with Kizzy's more serious one, Lupa really does care about her friend. It's just a nice little moment.
A kind of grey, as if the color itself was dying, spread slowly up his hand from the weapon, and across Kizzy’s belly beneath her rucked up t-shirt. Lupa’s eyes watered; it hurt to look at, like how she remembered the Sun’s dazzle.
That is such a cool mind-bending idea, that the colorlessness is actually hard to look at. It really makes it feel unnatural.
And man, everyone immediately rushes to defend Kizzy. Considering how Kizurial's reveal sent everyone into a panic back in The Slumber Party of Evil Doom, it's very sweet to see everyone rally around her like this, and it shows how much things have changed.
“What the fuck is that?” Lupa asked.
“Buttplug,” answered Shannon vaguely.
Lupa’s eyes narrowed as she noticed the visible flared base. She snapped back,
“Not that you crazy fucking pervert! What’s this asshole done to Kizzy?”
Also funny, and very Shannon. In addition, one wonders how Trenna is feeling about this, given that she may have seen Shannon sprout wings there. Picking up Kizzy and Jude at the same time is a cool showing of Shannon's demonic strength as well.
I like the hints of Lupa's backstory. I had wondered about whether or not her parents knew she was a vampire and...uh...I guess the answer is yes and no. I also like her prayer here. She may not know if God exists, but whether He does or not, it can't hurt to ask for some help right about now.
This whole situation did provoke a rather interesting question concerning your setting, one that I always have when angels or demons are introduced in a story: what happens to an angel/demon when it dies?
We know from Whore of Heaven that angels have souls (Luzurial's is mentioned) and we know from TSPoED that if a demon's (and thus presumably an angel's) material form is destroyed, their soul is sent back to wherever they came from, but both WoH and TSPoED feature an angel telling a demon that she will "grant you oblivion." That sounds like destruction of the soul and erasure from existence (that's just "death" for an atheist, but for religious people that seriously rivals damnation for the title of "most existentially terrifying thing that can happen to you"), but in TSPoED Kizzy offers that to Shannon as a better alternative to being sent back to Hell, which makes me wonder if it means something else. Does the identity get erased and the soul get reborn as something else, perhaps? It's an interesting thing to think about.
Finally, I'm really interested to see where Shannon's taking Kizzy. I would normally presume it's to "someone who can help" but no characters of yours are springing to mind, so I'm really curious. Can't wait for the next chapter (which I presume will be titled "A Succubus")!
There I am, looking through the archive, and I find you! Or... not You! but something else with Kizzy. You're making an entire universe here, and it's brilliant. I really do like Kizzy - she's very cool - and the first chapter made a great smile break out over my face, especially when she showed her power, and restraint.
Changing the pov for each chapter really works, and it adds layers and depth to the story. Jude is really well done, since we see his guilt over hitting Kizzy, and his seduction through his eyes. It becomes kind of difficult to blame him.
The sex was fantastic, and I really appreciated the taking of innocence and references to lack of technique, made up for by sheer enthusiasm. Those things make it very real, and increase our sympathy for Jude. The line about him being a musician was very evocative. Mmm...
That oath, though... why do I get the feeling that's going to backfire bigtime? Haha... I can't wait to see what happens next.
As always, thank you for sharing with us :)
Oh, and I enjoy trying to see where the prompt words are, though I sometimes miss them because I get so caught up in reading, and your vocabulary is so varied that only the strangest ones ever stand out. Haslet... I kept thinking: it's a typo, and then I worried I was wrong and had been misspelling it all my life. Kind of a relief, that last author's note ;)
Well, you said this was a PWP chapter, but I don't really think that's true, since we learn more about what the Duchess is planning. Depending on how we interpret her plan, she might be too focused on the short-term victory against Kizzy and hasn't thought through what will happen if she succeeds; there are going to be far fewer mortals to tempt after the mass extinction, after all.
Then again, maybe she's assuming that Kizurial will choose to die rather than blast a giant crater into the Earth.
Also...
“Do you know... Kizzy’s greatest crime?” she moaned, “Just there. Lick there. Good. Fingers too. Yes. Oh yes. Her crime... There is a holy warrior bound in a statue, suffering terribly. They say Kizzy used her influence to ensure none of the warrior’s comrades would save her. She’ll stay... in agony... forever. ”
That definitely paints a somewhat darker picture of Kizzy as a character. Not that she's evil or anything, mind you, but that before she came to Earth she was very detached, and made a decision that discouraged other angels from disobeying orders, but didn't have enough in the way of empathy for Luzurial's motivation and her suffering.
I also like that the Duchess orgasms thinking about Luzurial's pain. She might not have approved of Eparlegna's rampage, but torturing an archangel is torturing an archangel (especially one you've got a history with), and it's a very demonic-sounding reaction to have.
Also, this amused me:
“If you strike Kizzy and return to me, I swear by all that I am that I shall be yours, in any way you desire, whether we live or die. I will give you protection from any further harm.”
She felt a little jolt deep inside and realized that the oath was binding under Hell’s laws. Still, she was sure Jude’s very soul could not survive his wielding a Void Blade. He’d never return.
That could go wrong in truly hilarious fashion, like if 75 years later...
Luzurial: And how did you meet your special mortal?
Duchess: :angry: I was contractually obligated.
Finally:
The story of Luzurial ending up in the statue is told in my story Whore of Heaven. You, um, you probably don't want to read it.
I mean, it's gotten positive reviews from pretty much everyone who's read it, including me (it made me really sad, but that's hardly a criticism of it). Readers just need to know what they're getting into in order to decide.
Well, Jude's self-reflection didn't last long. Then again, that's how prejudice works a lot of the time: it comes back full force as soon as it gets an excuse.
On the other hand, we're now introduced to a character I've seen once before...
“My name is hard to pronounce even for a man of culture,
No freaking kidding. It's hard for me to even type.
but I am accustomed to my title, Duchess.’ ”
So we now have a foil for Kizzy. While both of them are...outsiders visiting Earth, and both of them are aiming to affect Shannon in some way, the Duchess is, I would presume, far more skilled at interacting with (and manipulating) humans, making her very dangerous. Indeed, she came prepared with an anti-angel weapon of some sort.
The sex content is short but still kind of hot. There's something about the long succubus tongue that is simultaneously gross and sexy. There is also an amusing irony in the fact that Jude believes himself a holy warrior when he is literally working for a demon now.
This is really cool. We've had solo stories involving both Kate and Shannon, but this is the first one with Kizzy as a main character, even if it's just for the first chapter. It's nice to see what she does in her spare time. Helping the homeless may seema bit stereotypical, but it's a kind thing to do and is a thing many churches do in real life.
It's also nice to see Kizzy's approach to a problem. In Blood on the Hay, we had Kate resolving a threat with violence, which is definitely the werewolf solution. In Fucking Halloween Party we saw Shannon resolve the threat with sex, which is definitely the succubus way of handling things. Here we get to see how Kizurial handles things, and it's extremely fitting for who she is: a fascinating mixture of intimidation and compassion.
Finally, Jude has me more interested than I thought he would. From the opening I thought he was just going to be an asshole, but he's a good deal more complex than that, which I think reflects the fact that very few people are just jerks; there's usually a story behind it.
Looking forward to Part Two!