Chapter 2:
First off, my apologies for taking so long to review.
I loved the interactions between Sam and Kris, again. Without any words for much of it, there was still the great connection and love (I think I’m repeating myself from the original review), but it’s continued here. Your wording gets it all across without the use of vocal announcements and I think that is absolutely wonderful. Your words express exactly what is needed to be conveyed and you have astute choices in vocabulary that is concise.
Not to mention, Kris’ coming realization that the changes go further than she believes (ie “fantasy is just that, what about reality”) is a jump forward for the character and as time goes along, I wonder just what new and different fetishes appear for her and, as she thinks to herself, how far will she go?
As we get to their conversation, I find that it shows even more how deeply they care about one another. With Sam reading into it, it shows that she wants to know, and I definitely approve of that. I know that you’ve said you’re not really one for dialogue, that it doesn’t really come easily to you, but I find their vocal interactions quite well done here. I think you’re selling yourself short. There were a few lines of dialogue that, to me, seemed a little stinted, but that might just as easily have been the way I was reading them, so I will not go too far into detail. If you wish, we can discuss it at some other point in time.
And then we get to Mia.
The way you start her side, it was an interesting look. It was obvious from the previous chapter that none of the four got out unscathed, but Mia seems to be taking it worse than Kris, as though her final transformation, so to speak, is not complete or that she hasn’t truly accepted it - despite her claims to the contrary. While you have written many other chapters by now, this could be a good way to investigate and it would be awesome to see a… failure in terms of the transformation (so to speak). Perhaps you have, perhaps not (it is your story after all). Judging by the fact that you have her state that she’s trying to be no different than anyone else, perhaps there is more in her psyche than you’re letting on.
And the introduction of the shadows in all their glory. Very bloody creepy and well executed. Are these going to be the antagonists of the story? Allies? Neutral parties intent on mass slaughter while your protagonists go around? So many questions, I’d love to see the answers. And I’d love to see them continue their creepiness factor dialled up to eleven!
Mia’s sex scene was appropriately disturbing and hot at the same time, exceptionally full of kink, enough of all to keep people entertained. I believe I mentioned it in the previous (if I didn’t, bad me), but your descriptions within sex are remarkably detailed, sexy, and intriguing. Little things that you add in their, tiny descriptions, provide the full picture. I applaud you.
With Rasha, you started it quite interesting in that you made her think about stuff that any normal person would, then reverted to the fact that she wasn’t normal, which is a good choice. It grounds your story and I like that. I feel sorry for her, though, despite everything. I can imagine that this is a very real possibility when it comes down to it and it’s obvious that she’s got a problem. But, again, you show this quite well. Your word choices, as is the norm and oft repeated, are well done and the dialogue is, again, done well. It is written in such a way that it is quite disturbing the ease that Rasha slides into the new role at Lucky’s and disturbing the quick descent she fell (even with the ‘assistance’ of the succubus…).
(My apologies, this is becoming an exceptionally long review…)
There’s not much I can say about Derek’s segment that I haven’t said previously. Wording is done well, dialogue is good. The only thing I’ll add is that the tension and buildup to the end of the chapter is also done excellent. It’s a great finale to the chapter and I can’t deny, I want to read on to find out exactly what he needed to call Kris (in a nice call-back to the beginning of the chapter).
All in all, well done.
Chapter 1:
Well done with the opening battle scene. It was a great way to start and a great introduction to Kris. Not only that, but it leaves questions I really want answered in here. Great job with that.
Then to follow that up with a very human moment. I can imagine that the reactions presented would be a very realistic response. I do love the interactions between Kris and Sam. They're not huge, but they get across the emotion and love they have for each other quite well. Great job. And the sex is well written, too.
Mia's introduction was intriguing as well. I can imagine it happens quite a bit and her reaction at first is quite human. Then it becomes, at least I think so, more demon, as though she had given in ever so much and allowed the demoness that much power. Which is interesting and potentially good for a future development. Or not.
Then there's Rasha. From the glimpse of her former life, it almost feels like she's the most changed. Again, that's an interesting topic that could be explored. But, I do like the glimpse backwards and the contrast to her now.
Derek’s introduction… Well, I will say, I'm not sure I thought shaving could be made into a well done sex scene, but congrats. You've proven me wrong.
I'm enjoying your writing style as well. Quite descriptive, but not overly so. I look forward to reading more.
All in all, I liked this chapter and, as long winded as this is, I enjoyed the characters. A rather kinky chapter, but the introductions to the characters offered both insights to them as well as insights into the demons within. Great job.