This is really good. Why did you not finish this? It's been a few years but so what?! Continue!! Please.
Wow it really gets better and better!
What talent did he think of?
Please don't stop writing.
Please write moreeeeeeeee. I'm dying hereeeeeee
please post more. I want to know what happens so badly
I really enjoyed your story so far and would love to see where it goes. Don't sell yourself short. I hope you continue this story!
I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY. It's so well written. Please keep up the good work and update the next chapter soon!! I will be waiting.
I am so excited you will be posting on A03 because then I can bookmark story and subscribe to you as an author. Email notifications are sent when author updates story or posts new ones. Author can also reply individually to each review.
My heart is breaking for Jacob and I hope Bernard buys him because he seems to have some compassion. I read the other reviews maybe one of them will offer to beta for you.
Great chapter.
If you enjoy abduction/slavery stories I recommend you check these two posted right here on this site.
Waiting in the Throes by MaddoxGrey
Home Trained for You by Selim
I'm liking this so far, but I agree with DM that it needs a little better editing. You definitely need to let the reader know when your switching POV and who you are swtiching to. I found it very confusing and had to go back a few times to reread and figure out who's POV it was. And also, unless it's a monetary amount, you should spell out the numbers, like three-piece suit... not 3 piece suit. (There are a few more rules dealing with numbers, but I can't ever remember them all).
I'm not trying to be mean in any way, and I hope you can take this as constructive criticism. I've written a few stories on here too, and I've always liked when my readers were honest with me.
Keep up the good work! I'm eagerly awaiting how the game ends, and what happens with Jacob!
This has real promise as a story, but there are a number of errors in it. Firstly you start writing in third person narrative, then switch mid paragraph to 'I'. This makes little sense & makes smooth reading of your story rather difficult. Then there is the changing of people's perspectives regularly - fine if signposted you're going to do this, but not so good if you just switch it up! Plus in the 5th paragraph, you've written invisible. I think you might mean invincible! There's a couple of other errors like this too.
I hope you take this as well-intentioned criticism, this is how it's meant as this story has real promise & already there is sympathy for poor Jacob/Worthless.