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May 10, 2015 at 12:00 AM
This story is amazing, Stahl! I just finished chapter three. Poor Pierce - he doesn't even know he's been abused.
I look forward to learning more about Pierce; he sounds like a very unique young man. Hopefully they can wean him off of the Serenity w/o too much withdrawal.
Ok, on to chapter four. :)
I look forward to learning more about Pierce; he sounds like a very unique young man. Hopefully they can wean him off of the Serenity w/o too much withdrawal.
Ok, on to chapter four. :)
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May 10, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Oh man, Pierce has really been through the ringer. I can see that Patty is right; if Pierce is totally weaned off the drug and he remembers more and more of the horrors he's been through, his memories could break him.
I was wondering, Stahl, what year this is supposed to be taking place? I thought it was in today's times, but when Gavin was thinking about texting Iggy back and then decided to call her instead b/c he wasn't that into texting even though he grew up with it. That made me think that the story may take place sometime in the future. Is this right?
I also wanted to point out a small crit: when you use a semicolon, it's used to separate two closely related independent clauses. The clause after the semicolon starts with a lowercase letter because it's still part of the whole sentence. So, for example, (I'm making up sentences here): 'Patty stepped back; she didn't want to get in Gavin's way.' Ok, lame sentence I know. lol But the 's' in 'she' is lowercase. I noticed with 99% of your sentences that have a semicolon, the second clause starts with a capital letter. They should all be lowercase. :)
Now I'm all caught up!!! Boo hiss! lol I can't wait for chapter five! :)
Great story, Stahl! :)
I was wondering, Stahl, what year this is supposed to be taking place? I thought it was in today's times, but when Gavin was thinking about texting Iggy back and then decided to call her instead b/c he wasn't that into texting even though he grew up with it. That made me think that the story may take place sometime in the future. Is this right?
I also wanted to point out a small crit: when you use a semicolon, it's used to separate two closely related independent clauses. The clause after the semicolon starts with a lowercase letter because it's still part of the whole sentence. So, for example, (I'm making up sentences here): 'Patty stepped back; she didn't want to get in Gavin's way.' Ok, lame sentence I know. lol But the 's' in 'she' is lowercase. I noticed with 99% of your sentences that have a semicolon, the second clause starts with a capital letter. They should all be lowercase. :)
Now I'm all caught up!!! Boo hiss! lol I can't wait for chapter five! :)
Great story, Stahl! :)
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May 9, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2: Great second chapter! :)
You attention to detail is terrific; you had me on the edge of my seat when Gavin was fighting off those guards. Excellent job!
On to chapter three. :)
You attention to detail is terrific; you had me on the edge of my seat when Gavin was fighting off those guards. Excellent job!
On to chapter three. :)
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May 8, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I just finished your first chapter. It was fantastic! 'Time to blow shit up.' - that's hysterical! lol
Your attention to detail is terrific. I was utterly engrossed in reading about the cartel, the warehouse, and everything Gavin will have to do for this mission.
Ok, on to the next chapter. :)
Your attention to detail is terrific. I was utterly engrossed in reading about the cartel, the warehouse, and everything Gavin will have to do for this mission.
Ok, on to the next chapter. :)
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May 5, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I wonder what could have caused so many injuries to the kid, and also what's going on behind the scenes. So many questions!
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April 26, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Hey, really enjoying your story so far. Out of curiosity are you paying homage to ICoS by naming your terrorist cell Janus? That'd be awesome. ICoS is my top favourite on AFF. I really like your characters so far and cant wait to read more to see how they develop. Your writing is good too, only a few grammatical things and what not but overall its good. Can't wait to read more. Only thing I'm not excited about is people who have kids. LOL! Keep posting, its great so far.
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April 22, 2015 at 12:00 AM
The kid has me curious.
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April 21, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I'm liking Gavin's internal monologue, can't wait to read more. Next chapter please!
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April 21, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Interesting, wonder what's gonna happen.
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April 21, 2015 at 12:00 AM
This chapter made everything really interesting. I'm loving the characters and very excited to see where this goes. Happy writing!