rate_review Reviews

This seems like a really interesting concept and I'd really like to read more but I get the idea that maybe you're not a native English speaker and it shows in your writing. I'd suggest getting a beta reader to help you out on some of the spelling, grammar and technical aspects of your story. Even a really great story is rendered unreadable when there are so many mistakes detracting from the narrative.

Please don't give up on this, just find someone to help you out to make it more polished.

Hi, I am hooked on this story and think it's a cool concept about a new world with Subs being blue-haired and Doms being red-haired, and the whole eyes changing color is cool too. I can't wait for Amos to meet his life mate.

I do think you need help with editing the chapters so try and find a Beta in the forum. If not, just be more careful with spelling and punctuation basically watch your grammar. I think you need to proofread before uploading any more chapters.

I hope you continue and look forward to the next chapter.

For starters I like the concept. I think the whole drugs making it so guys can now have kids is cool. The writing was a little confusing. Putting quotation marks around what people are saying would make it A LOT easier to realize when someone is talking versus when someone is thinking. There were also some run on sentences and the sentence where Amos was talking about his dads having sex was a little confusing. I think the story has a lot of potential though and I really hope you continue the story because I've never read something like this before.

The idea is nice, it got me interested. Everything else? Not so much. I don't want to be rude, but your writing skills are lacking. I strongly advise you to get an experienced beta or simply someone who reads a lot, so that you could work on this story together. I'm sure, with the help of a patient beta your story would be well liked, and I personally would like to see the end result.