rate_review Reviews

Please continue with this story. I like where this is heading.

Really loving the story so far. Excited about happens in the next chapter. Can't wait

I would suggest re-reading your written work before posting or find a Beta reader who can check for grammar and spelling mistakes....since there were quite a few in this first chapter.
Secondly, I would suggest describing only the 2-3 main characters (ex: Jace & Tristen) in great detail. Otherwise, it is extremely confusing and takes away from the story.
Thirdly, try not to be too repetitive (ex: 'He/she came to a stop at'). That sentence was used in each character description paragraph. Too repetitive.

Hope my suggestions help. Good luck with the rest of your story!

I thought the descriptions were a little awkward. It might be better to describe the people as they speak or when they do something that makes them worth noticing. Right now it's just a lot of information at once and doesn't build the story at all. Also during the chapter you switch between present and past tense a lot so I would just pick one or the other. Also it would be nice if you wrote in when we first meet Kara (I think that's her name) that she's Jace's half sibling or something just so it's less confusing when she calls Richard "Dad." I promise I like your story though so far and I definitely plan to keep reading so please keep posting!

Pretty interesting with only the first chapter and mainly an introduction of the characters. :)

I am not offended or anything, but just confuse, on the part when Kara said Jace has a pinker pussy than her. So is Jace born a dude or chick? Can you clear that out for me please? Thank you.

Can't wait to read more!