Hello! Just created an account so I could post this review now that I've caught up!
I'm here to offer some constructive criticism if you're willing to hear it out!
For one, the formatting is all over the place at times. It could be the site, but either way, it kind of gets in the way of immersion. There should only be one line between each paragraph and if there is a scene change, there should be more or something in between to signify the change. Also, you must be getting massive hits of inspiration one after another, cause at times spelling errors slip through! You might want to get a friend to spell check!
Another thing is swapping between points of view in the same scene, even in the same paragraph. It's jolting. Sometimes I had to reread parts because I couldn't tell whose perspective it was or because it didn't make sense. I know that it's easier to tell the story when you can swap around but it's not very pleasant for the reader. Consistency is key.
And lastly, my only problem with the story itself - everyone is driven by their very troubled past. It's not a problem in itself, of course, but it's a pet peeve of mine. It's hard to find a character to relate to when all of them are broken, even ones that rarely make an appearance. Sure, I have my own issues that shaped part of who I am, but they do not shape my actions. It would be nice to see a character that either is just nice or just bad, without them having a tragic childhood. But this criticism is less constructive, as this is a matter of style!
Now, with that out of thr way - I love your story. I binge read it and it was worth it. Your world building is quite impressive, even if it's held back by your choice of genre. Have you considered writing a Sci Fi, space opera sort of stories? I can even see it now, in this setting, with the same characters, just years after these events.
Also, props to you about the gay thing. It's been so long since I've read a m/m story without "oh noes, but we're both men!" or "oh, noes, everyone hates us for what we are and it drives the plot along!". It's refreshing, you not milking the overdone trope. And you didn't even tell us, you showed! I only realized half way through the story that you've set the world without me noticing the little details.
Now, I hope you don't mind how long and rude my review is. I rarely review these sort of stories, but I was taken by yours and I found myself writing an essay of all the things I wanted to let you know about!
Being an amateur writer myself, I understand how difficult it is to write in this genre and make it more than cheesy wank porn. I prefer writing in other genres just because of how much I make myself cringe when I read my own adult fic. So, keep doing what you're doing. You're a credit to this genre and with time, you'll get even better. And do consider branching out, if you already have not, cause I think you have a good thing going!
With regards,
Omgtherage
Great to see an update. Have missed this.
This breadcrumb trail of both their pasts is such a tease! Can't wait for more.
Merry Christmas, ifyou're not clebrating then Happy Holidays:*
It was a very soft chapter, I like that it was slowed down and its just the two of them figuring things out again.
I also really want to know what Azel is thinking about what happened. I also thought Theorin might be more upset Reginald hadn't told him Azel was going to be there, or maybe we'll just see that when next Theorin and Reginald talk.
Good luck, happy writing!