rate_review Reviews

Hi, I just realized I have not reviewed this story, and decided to do so. I want you to know it's one of the stories I keep track, I like the way you have writen it and I am intrigued by what will happen next. In some chapters the level of violence reached is a little strong for my tastes, since I don't like physical abuse very much (most of all, I don't like torture scenes), but I understand it is part of the story, so I haven't stopped reading it. I wish I could do a better review, but I am not that good at English so I can't say all I want to say :P. But I like it! Keep writing it, please!

I think I have to give up on this. Not because the idea isn't good, because it is and that's what's kept me going for this long, but because of how confused I am about who is who. I understand that the characters have no real names, other than one or two of the elites. That's fine. But changing what the point of view character calls everyone in his head all the time is super confusing. When you change what a character is called every single sentence, which you do remarkably frequently, I have no clue if you're talking about the same person or 4 different ones. Some are obvious, but most are not at all as obvious as you seem to think you are and when you simply change names instead of using an adjective or reprising information in another way, there's no making heads or tails of it. Because of this, I'm having a seriously hard time giving a damn about any of them. Half the time I don't know who to attribute what actions to and since I have no idea who did or said what the characterisation of each individual falls flat. When there are more than 2 people talking, I have co completely give up on understanding what's going on because I can't keep track of what names refer to what character and so I lose large parts of the story. It would be fine if it was just that every character had a different way of referring to each other and that it came up in dialogue, but the fact that the narration refuses to keep track of who is who is remarkably hard to follow. If one of my students gave me something of this nature to grade, it would be an automatic fail, just for lack of clarity. And I find that really sad because your idea is excellent and the story has so much potential. I love the idea of a facility full of clones and I love how you seem to have set up the politics of it all and I really, really would like to know more, but it's just far too complicated to try and keep track of your myriad nameless characters whose designation changes in narration every single time they're mentioned.

While going through the archive I've started keeping a list of stories to go back and read, and this is one of those. I'm so glad I did.

1 - 5: It's all such an intriguing concept, and I like the way you're presenting it. We're seeing everything through "newbie's" eyes, so we're learning about the world at the same time as he does, and that's very skilfully done. As others have said, at points it's not entirely clear who is speaking but I totally understand why there aren't names. Besides anything else it adds an important extra layer of atmosphere.

If I had any real criticism, I'd say at some times you miss out connecting words like 'the' which I understand is probably deliberate for style purposes, but I'd say just ease off on it a little. At certain points it stops the writing from feeling immediate and crosses the line into offputting.

I'm very curious to see if Happy will come back and what's been going on with him. He certainly hasn't done much to live up to his reputation so far, and I can't help wondering if that is about to change.

A really well-written and interesting story. The world you've created builds layer on layer so that I hardly notice how much information you're getting in. Well done!

UMMMM. I am kindof confused about the last few chapters. Did Happy kill his master so he could be his forever, or is his master still alive? And wasent Happy in a dungon for a really long time? How is he back like nothing happened and not much time has passed?

I'm a little confused about chapter 17.1 because that chapter seemed to have Human Feast on lock down with images of his dead Master but in the next chapter he is with everyone else and is talking about his Master as if he is all fine and well. Am I missing something?

Need more! He can't be dead. What will happen to Happy, Kid and Ghost now?

Wow.. What just happened?

So from what I understand Human Feast killed his master (on request of his master) and now he's useless. The scenes with the rat were pretty cool.

I really really really liked this chapter! His conversation with Ghost was definitely an "aww" moment. I feel bad for the Kid as well as the main character. He wants to be with someone who actually wants him but he just can't seem to find anyone. I'm waiting to see if Happy decides to talk to the main character about his true feelings for him.

I think this was my fav chapter so far, mabey because ghost and princess finally seem to be moving tword each other. It was a break from the constant abuse he has been enduring. I reeeeeeeeeeeally hope that they can all escape and have a happy ending(mabe the nicer lab guy will help ;D ?) Also, how many chapters do you think this will be? Thank you for the regular updates because i am checking every day!