schedule
March 3, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I am going to assume you are not a native English speaker based on the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes in these few chapters. I think I understand where you would like to go with this story and it could be a good story if you use some of the feedback previous reviewers have given you; they were good comments. I would just add that you should also update the warning tags to include F/F. As two of the main characters are female and they are intimate in a graphic way in your story. Some readers may not want to read that sort of thing so it is good to just let them know in advance what they are getting.
schedule
December 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
When will u put up another chapter? Plz let it b soon
schedule
November 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Wow - you really need to proofread.
For example: townspeople - one word; newcomers - one word; farther examination - further examination.
Never has she been in any real danger infact she sleeps - in fact is two words.
Complying to the dying mothers wish, - Complying with the dying mother's (singular possessive not plural) wish.
Overall, the story feels very rushed and not fleshed out with more telling than showing.
Try using more sensory details, description and pacing?
For example: townspeople - one word; newcomers - one word; farther examination - further examination.
Never has she been in any real danger infact she sleeps - in fact is two words.
Complying to the dying mothers wish, - Complying with the dying mother's (singular possessive not plural) wish.
Overall, the story feels very rushed and not fleshed out with more telling than showing.
Try using more sensory details, description and pacing?