rate_review Reviews

I 'd love to read the rest of the story! I hope you 'll post the next chapter soon! I want to get to know the girls better. They remind me of myself and my former best friend. I 'd dreamed of meeting somebody like James. The plot seems very promising.It's going to be epic! Keep it up!

I seem to remember this being longer, and a bit different right? I'm guessing you are redoing this story. Can't wait to see what changes.

She really needs a wake up call. This is a very interesting story, I hope you continue it.

Hilarious!! Please update.

Really neat story! I will be looking forward to reading more of this one!

Chapter one - You had my interest hooked at the summary. Thereafter I kept reading for the good build up, introduction of Annabelle's 'voice', opinions, and slight flaws. Her reservations about spending such a large sum of cash in one fell swoop is quite understandable. She feels *real* in a way that I haven't read from a character in far too long. Maggie is equally well played so far.

Chapter two - More good stuff. The description of Macabre is thorough enough without going overboard to get a clear picture. Their reactions to James continue to play out rather well - he *has* to be a vampire given the setting.

Only errors I spotted were when Annabelle says she noticed the man behind the counter. You're missing an "on" in the description just beforehand. Another error seems to be the usage of world instead of word from Maggie a few paragraphs later, and a missing usage of "you" when Maggie asks about the shop taking Mastercard.

Chapter three - The word "either" is used a bit too quickly near the start - first in describing Dr. Sutter's eyes, and then almost immediately afterward in the next paragraph when mentioning Annabelle's. Just something that jarred me out of the narrative for a few moments. Also, Annabelle mentions James' eyes turning from blue to black twice within several paragraphs.

This chapter was a bit less of an impact, I suppose. Not sure why, but my interest dipped a bit and didn't return quite to where it had been throughout all of the first two chapters. Having Annabelle actually take note that something is wrong is good for her character, but it just didn't connect as well. Not quite sure why.

Still! Bring on chapter four! I want to see where this goes.

I really enjoy the premise of this story, and I really hope that you continue this. It has a bunch of potential, and I enjoy your writing style. You have really rich characters that have a solid base, and I want to see them flourish in this. Keep going! You've got my support!

:D good work keep it up.