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October 22, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Oh please keep going. I'm loving this story.
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April 5, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I have very much enjoyed this story. Though it does need some editing, cuz every once in a while I have to stop and try to figure out what you are saying, it is nicely written. Lord Aren was a bit of a surprise... I thought at first he was accepting of Vaughn's choices but as the story developed it wS kind of a shock to see that he really didn't approve. The bastard. XD
I do hope that life settles quickly for you and you are able to continue with this story as it is rare to find a great story that isn't just sex and violent sex. Good luck!
I do hope that life settles quickly for you and you are able to continue with this story as it is rare to find a great story that isn't just sex and violent sex. Good luck!
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March 13, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I LOVED this!!! I'll take this away as the love of the year, and take it as a love-marker for my heart.
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October 27, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Really like this. Want more.
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June 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
i love how your story has plot and characters who aren't just decoration fodder
the feeling i get from this story during these last few chapters is one i get when i read a published fantasy novel
the feeling i get from this story during these last few chapters is one i get when i read a published fantasy novel
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June 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
ch 17: good. so good. during the last section my teeth almost ached with sympathy for kale, but didn't quite get there. i think it might enhance the story if you dwell a bit on Kale's angst at realizing that he and Vaughn might not have a future together. or that kale might think that Vaughn is now disgusted with him. dwell on the emo guilt in Kale's mind at the truth coming out :D
and maybe having kale make some parallels between Chime's doomed love live and Kale's doomed love life, and how pathetic they both are. ground kale a bit to make kale seem less strong and more weak.
and maybe having kale make some parallels between Chime's doomed love live and Kale's doomed love life, and how pathetic they both are. ground kale a bit to make kale seem less strong and more weak.
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June 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
woah i really like where this is going. is theo a new threat? he sounds a little off burning that soldier to bits. i hope kale hasnt' found himself in deeper shit. i have half a mind that kale is scared too and that his laugh at the end was faked to placate theo.
great! hope youre doing all right with that navy business.
great! hope youre doing all right with that navy business.
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June 3, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sorry to hear the Navy is moving you and your family. I hope you end up somewhere nice. I will continue to watch for more chapters as you find time to post them. Hopefully it will be less than a year between chapters.
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May 13, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Woo! Another good chapter! Oh, Marcus, why must you insist on driving poor Kale cray cray? Why has Aren suddenly gone bonkers?
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May 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM
To be honest, I thought that Aren was much nicer than he appeared in this chapter (Although I don't know why I thought that since how he's acting now fits with what we've seen of his character and the attitudes towards homosexuality in the story). Perhaps this is just him speaking out in anger and nervousness (not justifiable but understandable) I would have thought that the Dukes of Monchol would have pursued a somewhat more independent and diversified trading program for the goods they needed to assure their independence from Tirak, but perhaps its because they're not upsetting the status quo too much (and they're fairly unimportant), as well as their remote location and cold climate that kept them off various emperor's radar.
Something tells me that Ari Chime (who is possessing Theodoric) will not be particularly happy with Aren for that decision, perhaps even fatally so.
How much of a fair "trial" will Kale get given the Order's own abuses in Ro'don? I wonder how the Lord Protector will react to what happened to the slaves there
Thanks for updating again today though! That was really awesome XD m(_ _)m. Your material (imho)is much better than fantasy books that are 90% sex, or focus on a relationship for 80% of the novel and forget the momentus world ending plot,or lack consistancy, or switch views between too many characters. It also doesn't introduce too many terms too quickly and I don't feel like your artificially trying to create angst or are trying to beat me over the head with a message in a relatively unsubtle, condescending way. Its good fantsy XD
Maybe "normal" humans don't have the capacity to cast certain types of magic or any magic at all.Perhaps we simply lack (or haven't evolved enough to receive)the physical/spiritual prerequisites and any additional knowledge that could set us on the path from older, more powerful races wasn't passed on. The Gods also probably didn't want too much magic spread out after one of their own was killed by a race of people who could use it. Call it extra insurance. In the orders case, perhaps its the covenant with the gods that grants them the ability to use "mental magic" like mind reading, and perhaps telekenesis etc, and if they can cast any higher forms of magic it takes time consuming ritual and expensive reagents.
Something tells me that Ari Chime (who is possessing Theodoric) will not be particularly happy with Aren for that decision, perhaps even fatally so.
How much of a fair "trial" will Kale get given the Order's own abuses in Ro'don? I wonder how the Lord Protector will react to what happened to the slaves there
Thanks for updating again today though! That was really awesome XD m(_ _)m. Your material (imho)is much better than fantasy books that are 90% sex, or focus on a relationship for 80% of the novel and forget the momentus world ending plot,or lack consistancy, or switch views between too many characters. It also doesn't introduce too many terms too quickly and I don't feel like your artificially trying to create angst or are trying to beat me over the head with a message in a relatively unsubtle, condescending way. Its good fantsy XD
Maybe "normal" humans don't have the capacity to cast certain types of magic or any magic at all.Perhaps we simply lack (or haven't evolved enough to receive)the physical/spiritual prerequisites and any additional knowledge that could set us on the path from older, more powerful races wasn't passed on. The Gods also probably didn't want too much magic spread out after one of their own was killed by a race of people who could use it. Call it extra insurance. In the orders case, perhaps its the covenant with the gods that grants them the ability to use "mental magic" like mind reading, and perhaps telekenesis etc, and if they can cast any higher forms of magic it takes time consuming ritual and expensive reagents.