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October 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Wow this is a cvery unique story. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it. It certainly lends itself to a multitude of kinks. I anxiously await new chapters!
schedule
October 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This is really cool! different? yes. weird? yes. intriguing? hell yes. boring? hell no.
Please do unleash the awesomeness that is you. Haha. Can't wait to see how this story goes. Love that Bryson has a somewhat smirky? attitude. :) I feel warm and glowy and excited after reading a good story. so thank you.
Please do unleash the awesomeness that is you. Haha. Can't wait to see how this story goes. Love that Bryson has a somewhat smirky? attitude. :) I feel warm and glowy and excited after reading a good story. so thank you.
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October 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
You know, I actually think that this story is really interesting! Looking forward to the next chapter.
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October 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Quite interesting and I'll definitely read the second chapter.
However, a couple of notes: you jump a lot between past tense and present tense, which is really jarring and uncomfortable to read. It's also one of the biggest no-nos in writing, you pick one tense and *stick with it*. I'd recommend past tense as it's usually easier to handle but the choice is up to you. Usually I'd stop reading the moment I encounter tense-skipping in a story but I was curious to see the parasite so I decided to give it a chance. Don't expect me to read any further if you haven't chosen a tense by next chapter. No matter how interesting a story is I just find it too irritating to read (and I know I'm not the only one to feel that way).
Also, you noticed you mix together wary/weary and then/than a lot, common mistakes but easy to fix by 'searching' these words in Word (or whichever word-processore you use) and fixing it that way.
There were some other things I noticed but these were the most obvious ones. This critique is not meant to discourage you from writing but to polish it, and I hope you take it that way.
Looking forward to chapter two.
However, a couple of notes: you jump a lot between past tense and present tense, which is really jarring and uncomfortable to read. It's also one of the biggest no-nos in writing, you pick one tense and *stick with it*. I'd recommend past tense as it's usually easier to handle but the choice is up to you. Usually I'd stop reading the moment I encounter tense-skipping in a story but I was curious to see the parasite so I decided to give it a chance. Don't expect me to read any further if you haven't chosen a tense by next chapter. No matter how interesting a story is I just find it too irritating to read (and I know I'm not the only one to feel that way).
Also, you noticed you mix together wary/weary and then/than a lot, common mistakes but easy to fix by 'searching' these words in Word (or whichever word-processore you use) and fixing it that way.
There were some other things I noticed but these were the most obvious ones. This critique is not meant to discourage you from writing but to polish it, and I hope you take it that way.
Looking forward to chapter two.
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October 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hah, I noticed I wrote 'you noticed you', so you see how easy it is to make mistakes when you're thinking about two different ways to say things. Always read over your stuff with a critical eye, preferably more than once! Mistakes are seriously slippery...
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October 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I'm not really sure how to feel about this story. My initial reaction was pretty much "What the fuck am I reading..?" and now I'm oddly interested. I'm not sure if I can stand strange parasite sex though LOL. That may be a little too much, but I'm going to rate this good just for the novelty of the idea.
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October 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Definitely out of the box. I'm not really sure how a relationship can develop between the two (just his description kinda made me shudder), unless he becomes more human-like as he sucks out more nutrients? I am intrigued to see where this goes tho- it sounds like there's more to the program than they're telling :)