rate_review Reviews

The little monster sure has the audacity to make such demands. But unfortunatly not much can be done about it right now but for Rain to do them :(.

your writing.. is so much better now.
do i hate salem?
pretty much.
do i think its fair to choose someone
and make them your sub without permission?
not at all.
where there is no trust. there can be nothing.
so he gets his jollies off...
a vibrator does that
uggggggg i just wanna slap him.

Does Salem play dumb for school? B/c it's obvious he's very intelligent. He did terrific on the history paper (government paper? I don't remember) and he speaks so eloquently and mature it's hard to imagine it's just a seventeen year old kid talking.

But...he's still psychotic. He knows exactly what he's doing, but why do all this? He doesn't think he could get Rain the conventional way? Get to know him, take him out, etc., etc. Or is it just the power he has over Rain that gets his rocks off? Salem is in total control all the time. And Rain has to obey his every command; his every whim or else suffer the consequences. But good for Rain for at least asking for one of the punishments to be taken away. It's a start.

Another great chapter Kereliah :)

chap 1. this is interesting. and it feels spooky, foreboding.
i keep thinking of 'halloweens' micheals eyes, how the doctor described them, like a sharks...

gosh...
that is usually the first thing in my head when i come to review this story.
your writing was as pretty as ever.
salem! i just dont know what to think about anything now. I love how f#cked up he is. i love how he is f#cking so completely with our precious little raindrop...
freaking freaking hell... i just dont know where this story will go... i can not wait to find out

I kept thinking this whole time when Rain slept until three one day and until noon the next; I kept asking myself what day it was and how much school is he missing? I actually forgot all about his mom until she showed up!

And I still keep wondering how Salem got so GOOD at manipulation and blackmail?

Another terrific chapter; each chapter seems to bring Rain closer and closer to just living in the abyss of his mind; closer and closer to the edge,(and not in the good way. lol). Which I'm sure is part of Salem's master plan.

Ugh I'm feeling depressed for Rain. "To except what you can't change and you will be happy." pretty hard to be happy with the Dark Salem cloud hanging over you every minute of the day no sunshine yet for Rain :(.

Ok I know i'm kind of late but after reading through these comments I have to defend Pip and say you did sort of take what was said out of contents....... it was more like 'congrats on improving your writing and becoming a more credible writer' than 'hey your characters are annoying and i hate them'. You should probably get used to good and bad criticism seeing as it comes with being a writer, and learn how to not react so harshly to things being said especially ones as tame as that was...... but anyways good story i'm enjoying it, but there are still some slight points that cause me to go 'ummm ok' but overall its a vast improvement from before! Keep up the good work, and i can't wait for the next chapter!

the next or same day.
it would be on the news
that there was a murder/suicide.

there is literally nothing.........at all
i like about Salem.
he's so fucked in the head it's not even funny.
i actually liked him.. 100% more in the first version.
there is no redeeming him now.

You know, I remember this story when it was posted years ago. I really liked it then - but you've done a brilliant job in making it feel more real and more immediate. The last two chapters were particularly wrenching, and far more so than I remember it being. You were always a great builder of characters, but those characters now seem far more three dimensional.

I'm going to address those that have brought up questions about the "icky issues." I think you should take it as a compliment. You very clearly described Rain's harrowing ordeal in very precise detail. It's the detailed nature of that chapter that starts begging the questions of how your characters dealt with the messier aspects of human physicality. If you had left more unsaid, more fade-to-black, then these questions wouldn't arise. However, if you'd done that, your chapter would not have been so visceral and so good.

I think you are too good a writer to just rely on - "well, the genre lets me bypass uncomfortable things."

Please don't be offended by my comments. I'm making them mostly to say that you're doing an amazing job, and I am entirely riveted. I thank you for your work, and am always breathlessly awaiting the next installment.