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July 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I can actually see what you mean there with that comment. I think Half of my problem is im used to writing My fantasy novel where things are introduced as they are made relevant and I forget that Im not writing that book. Thanks for the review I will definately work on your points.
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July 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I think this story has potential as does your writing but you are moving wayy too fast. You should probably take more time to establish characters, plot, setting, scenes, etc. so that your writing doesn't seem as rushed. Keep writing and I hope to see more from you!