rate_review Reviews

Heh, love the last line. Made me laugh out loud. Very well written all around. The only piece of critique I have is your use of clinical terms ("penis", "vagina"). This is a porn story. In context, repeated use of the word penis just feels awkward and out of place, like suddenly a little kid started narrating it instead of a grown woman about to take a joy ride on a random trucker. Don't be afraid to say dick or cock. Hell, even "his arousal" or "his length" sounds better than "penis". Pussy, cunt, and ass are also perfectly acceptable/preferable in porn (as opposed to vagina and butt, obviously).

You're writing dirty; use dirty language. ;) Other than that, I really enjoyed it, and found myself disappointed when you didn't have anything else written. I hope you stick around. Good work!

- Moonstar