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January 19, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This is an interesting story and I will continue to read it. You have good pacing, and there is already a string to draw you in-the Alpha. We only hear about him yet don't see him. I like the way you create the scenery that I can picture the necessary details, yet still be able to fill in what I want into the story.
Camlo himself is seen to adapt and is able to independently make choices that defy his role in society and is able to survive. However, this independence seems unnatural in a "submissive" person who has been emotionally and physically abused by his mother and is marginalised by his society. His choice to run away did not show enough reluctance and fear about facing the big, bad world, but I supposed he was backed in a corner, so I can attach this bravado to fear.
There is something else though that others have touched upon. Although, the story is still very new and you may be waiting to surprise us. But the secondary characters seem to be flat. The father didn't know what was going on. How could that be possible? He is strictly a good guy, even he doesn't cast blame upon himself for not being blind. It is not possible that Camlo, as beloved as he is by his father, didn't complain about his mother. The mother is only evil. She has no redeeming characteristics. She is only selfish, bitter, and cruel. She doesn't seem believable. Perhaps, you could introduce some past small stories about them make them more balanced but wouldn't change the plot at all.
I look forward to a new chapter.
Camlo himself is seen to adapt and is able to independently make choices that defy his role in society and is able to survive. However, this independence seems unnatural in a "submissive" person who has been emotionally and physically abused by his mother and is marginalised by his society. His choice to run away did not show enough reluctance and fear about facing the big, bad world, but I supposed he was backed in a corner, so I can attach this bravado to fear.
There is something else though that others have touched upon. Although, the story is still very new and you may be waiting to surprise us. But the secondary characters seem to be flat. The father didn't know what was going on. How could that be possible? He is strictly a good guy, even he doesn't cast blame upon himself for not being blind. It is not possible that Camlo, as beloved as he is by his father, didn't complain about his mother. The mother is only evil. She has no redeeming characteristics. She is only selfish, bitter, and cruel. She doesn't seem believable. Perhaps, you could introduce some past small stories about them make them more balanced but wouldn't change the plot at all.
I look forward to a new chapter.
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This is good! Please finish it! And you should let the "anonymous" people review that want to but can't; just go to "edit profile" and you'll be set. Update asap!
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
poor Camlo, his mum is just awful, but his dad luves him!!! Another wonderful chapter, can't thank you enough and so I shall remain faithfully awaiting your next update. *bows to author*
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh! I am so relieved that you finally allowed readers to leave anonymous reviews because I wanted to review the first day you posted but couldn't. So, thanks!
I already love your story especially Camlo but hate his mother she is a b-t-ch although I do like his father. I can't wait to meet the alpha of their pack and hope he is kind to him as well as handsome. I am worried he might run into more trouble like with a rival pack or another wolf who might want to claim him before his alpha does.
Please update again soon (I saw your note that 5 chapters are already written so am excited) and good job!
I already love your story especially Camlo but hate his mother she is a b-t-ch although I do like his father. I can't wait to meet the alpha of their pack and hope he is kind to him as well as handsome. I am worried he might run into more trouble like with a rival pack or another wolf who might want to claim him before his alpha does.
Please update again soon (I saw your note that 5 chapters are already written so am excited) and good job!
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I like it - Camlo - glad that the mom was found to be worthles. Though how Eric possibly couldnt see the abuse in his own house- I look forward to more
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Interesting, i can't wait to read what happens next!
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Dont space them out to much
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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
this is really good I hope you update soon
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January 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Poor Camlo, his mom is really nasty
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January 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Interesting story so far. I hope you continue!