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January 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far! It would be easier to read though if you had a space in between the dialogue and in between paragraphs.
Other than that, I look forward to the second chapter!
Oh, btw: naval is spelled navel. Naval is like Annapolis, the Naval Academy, or anything to do with the navy. :)
Other than that, I look forward to the second chapter!
Oh, btw: naval is spelled navel. Naval is like Annapolis, the Naval Academy, or anything to do with the navy. :)
schedule
January 15, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoy romance with a lot of tension so attraction between enemies is my type of thing;)
So far I can say that your writing style is actually quite good - methinks that with more practice it will get more fluid. Right now you should watch out for repetitions (for example: "The taste of his sweat tasted", "moved my head towards the head").
I'm looking forward to reading more from you;)
So far I can say that your writing style is actually quite good - methinks that with more practice it will get more fluid. Right now you should watch out for repetitions (for example: "The taste of his sweat tasted", "moved my head towards the head").
I'm looking forward to reading more from you;)
schedule
January 15, 2012 at 12:00 AM
The only problem I have with this so far is the first chappie wasn't long enough. I wish to read alot more of this, I really like it :)!
schedule
January 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM
i really like it i would love to read more! so do update please!