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November 4, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Nooooo, that's it????? I need more! lol This wasn't a one-shot, was it? I hope not; I really like the chemistry between Dylan and Jordan.
This story was very well-written, although I did notice a few tense changes and typos. Common is come on. Common is a completely different word. When Jordan told Dylan to get in the car, you wrote ...Dylan looked at him, eyes wide, pupils dialed. I think you mean pupils dilated. Also...Dylan's hips thrust and rolled of their own according, I think you mean of their own accord, and lastly, tonsil hokey is tonsil hockey. Other than that it was wonderful! :)
This story was very well-written, although I did notice a few tense changes and typos. Common is come on. Common is a completely different word. When Jordan told Dylan to get in the car, you wrote ...Dylan looked at him, eyes wide, pupils dialed. I think you mean pupils dilated. Also...Dylan's hips thrust and rolled of their own according, I think you mean of their own accord, and lastly, tonsil hokey is tonsil hockey. Other than that it was wonderful! :)