rate_review Reviews

At times Bren seems like an OK guy, then at other times it seems he is a bit of a jerk. I guess he does feel the pressure of being the head of the family and trying to make sure they all survive.
Po seems more intelligent then he really lets on and his sense of humor doesn't seem to be affected at all by his bad experiences in the past. Po is really entertaining! Even without speaking, his actions are funny as heck! I'm afraid for Po. It seems like the government is closing in on him and it makes me wonder and fear what Bren will do about Po's presence in the family.

Trying to read this, but cannot stand his arrogant way of thinking....seriously hope you yourself don't think that way. The government loves to fuck people over.

Wondeful improvements! I really enjoyed reading this chapter because the writing flowed very smoothly.
Po has such an endearing personality! Gosh, I don't even want to imagine what kind of environment Po was being kept in. It seems to be a very, very horrible place. I'm surprised the family is very accomodating to Po's needs and willing to keep him on since, it seems that they have trouble feeding just the 3 of them let alone another mouth to feed.
I hope having Ella and Po in the picture will improve Lan's personality. He seems to be such a bitter guy.

I like how Lan gave that Darc guy such a good telling off. He knew just how to hit him with with that "I have a better bloodline than you" tactic. For a moment, I kind of warmed up to Bren since he was crushing on Ella but I got mad at him again with his attitude towards PO. I am glad that PO spit in his milk. There is no point in being a family if you don't support the other members when they need it. I am sure Lan works to support his family as well. Bren inherited the family leadership and now he needs to be such a control freak. Not nice at all. It is good that he likes Ella because at least he will listen to her words. Lan needs to take poor Po outside to find some food. I laughed to myself because if Lan is just teaching Po to use the bathroom, where has he been going all this time? Hopefully outside.

Thanks for the update. Po is quite something. I love that Po and Mora are already getting on so well. Bren is asking Lan to deny a very big part of himself. After all he is always carrying home stray animals. I think it is unfair to expect him to not bond with Po. Does this mean that Bren is planning to throw Po out? I wonder if this means he will have to leave the family home to go with Po because I bet that Po has already adopted Lan as his pet human. Little do they know that a Sidhe can also be quite helpful to have around.

You've got a really interesting story. But, there's not enough information for the world that you have created ur characters in. It gets confusing when you talk about the world and the readers can't relate to the information the characters are talking about. I don't understand what kind of beings exist in their world, what kind of social/government system they have adopted in their era, what kind of social hierarchy exists, how they are classified, etc. etc.
It makes the reading hard to understand because at times I feel like the story is set in the future and yet at times I feel like it's set way back before civilisation, as we know it, has yet to be established. It's a constant tug of war trying to figure out what time setting the story is in. For example, the electronic books and the talks about genetics make me think "Oh, this is set in a futuristic world" but, then the state or condition of the world makes me feel like it's still an underdeveloped world.

You also have alot of incomplete sentences or sentence fragments which is very disorienting to the reader. Here are some examples(I'm just copying and pasting from Ch.1 what's already written in ur story): "Had their pride and wouldn’t stand in line for soup, so they died of starvation." or "Was never allowed pets as a child, his father wouldn’t put up with animals in the house." If you read these sentences alone they wouldn't make sense at all. I understand that the sentence is relating to the previous sentence but, it's still not a complete sentence in of itself. It should've been written like this: "They had too much pride and wouldn't stand in line for soup, so they died of starvation." and "He was never allowed pets as a child because his father wouldn't put up with animals."
If this story was edited it would totally improve the quality of the story and make the reading flow smoothly. The plot has captured my interest but, the writing makes it quite strenous to read.

Yay two updates in one day are awesome. Thanks

Some readers are too critical considering that this is a fan site, want works that have been looked over by professionals buy your stories at a book store. If you read the blurbs the writer puts in the beginning you would understand that this is an alternate universe story and this writer has many, this story does touch base on a very complicated spiritual mind set, but does not go into the explanations as in some of the earlier works. I highly suggest the discontent reader try out maybe one of the finished works like maybe partners. But please don't get all high and mighty especially when there are other readers who enjoy the story just as it is.

I love this story too. Lan's mother is a very charming lady. It is no wonder that she has such a great son. It makes me cringe to realize that poor Po was carrying around such a horrible thing in his arm. Double yuck! I hope Po will give many blessings to Lan in return.

Another weird and interesting Chapter I must say. I hope you continue

CrimsonWatersAlien