rate_review Reviews

interesting. i'm looking forward to where this story's going to go. i hope to see more updates.

the story is a bit rushed. it seems more like a story plot: it's very concise and because of it you don't give the reader enough time to revel in the irony/sadness/danger of a situation. try to introduce a bit more of Elijiah's or Stephan's thoughts or instincts... for example, I was curious about the whole "the energy to shift flows through the Alpha" fact and what it feels like. Be careful not to explain things as a textbook does. I mean, instead of saying "It felt like a thousand of ..." involve us writing sth as "In need to be alone for a little while, S. went for a midnight run. Ten more minuts and he intended to turn back, but it seems he must retourn way before he meant to. A tingling sensation anticipated that someone was about to shifft without his permission. And he would bet it was E. Again. Maybe it was time for ..."
Now, I'm no writer, but you can definitely render your story more captivating!! =)