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September 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I seriously lol'd at Dhrele smirking as he watched Ergo realize that he could read his mind. I like how Dhrele can be innocent and yet fully matured. He is a truly dynamic character. Can't wait for more!
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September 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I think this is my favorite chapter^^ Ohhhh Dherel, I like him the best. But MAN is he possessive, haha, it's cute, he's sorta acting like Egro and him are a couple, although he most likely doesn't even know what that is. And the last part when he smirks, oh fuck yeah that was funny! I sorta already had guessed that he could read minds, but it still made me laugh. Poor Filla girl she doesn't stand a Chance if she gets near Egro! Even to just talk I bet Dherel would crush her and she wouldn't even know it until she was dead.....I'm guessing that that Green stuff is either like blood, or something which is maintaining Dherel's stability or life.....But that is only a guess. Great Chapter!! I really also liked the begining, made me think, and what was said is true, about humans and such. Update soon!! I hope everything is doing well for you^^
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September 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Well damn! Looks like they are caught in the act! Of.....Nuzzling. Hmmm...I am wondering if maybe the ship was made by Drhele's people? Like the none half human ones that is....Great chapter^^ I find it cute how Drhele seems to....Really like Lux's hair, lol^^ I guessed that he'd be upset with the shave, and oh man, poor guy doesn't know what he's asking Egro to do! Though he sounds like a lost/demanding puppy^^ Update soon!^^ Today had been a stressful day....This has helped a lot^^
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September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
awwwww no fair cliff hanger...please update soon, i really enjoy this story, you have me hooked!!!
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September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
nice update. go figure, a prisoner 'of war' ship. yeah, thats kind of major info there.
i liked that lil moment where ergo was running, and he liked it, and realized hed missed it.
can i just say that vex is the bomb! that pistol/stapler moment was a hoot. i wonder if ergo will show the ship blue print to xevos or dhrele, and then they all plan to bust out of course.
what is this alien ship... xevos and dhrele dont seem to respond very well to the ship, so im guessing its not of their alien kind? well, i dont know, the ship is just uber creepy and a big mystery. or maybe it is their alien kind, but somehow its been turned against them?
so, lol, i think dhreles INNOCENCE is scary to ergo. hes totally tainting that alien dude.
i liked that lil moment where ergo was running, and he liked it, and realized hed missed it.
can i just say that vex is the bomb! that pistol/stapler moment was a hoot. i wonder if ergo will show the ship blue print to xevos or dhrele, and then they all plan to bust out of course.
what is this alien ship... xevos and dhrele dont seem to respond very well to the ship, so im guessing its not of their alien kind? well, i dont know, the ship is just uber creepy and a big mystery. or maybe it is their alien kind, but somehow its been turned against them?
so, lol, i think dhreles INNOCENCE is scary to ergo. hes totally tainting that alien dude.
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September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
oh, and dhreles hair seemed pretty fascinating. and strange would that be if your hair moved all the time.
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September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Wow! that is a last line to make you go "Oh My God! What happens next!!!!!
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September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Damn it, just when good things are happening there's always an interruption.
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September 12, 2011 at 12:00 AM
lovin this story!
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September 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Oh! Well ok, if you don't mind me gushing then here I go! (don't regret it lol)
For some unknown reason, I usually prefer third person over first person but I think it might be because some authors don't do as great as a job when writing in first person as they do when they write in third person. But after reading the first few paragraphs, you got me hooked and reeled into the story. I think one of the first reasons is because your description of the environment gave me a good setting to start out with. Some people just delve into the characters off the bat without giving the readers to imagine the characters' surroundings. It's something that shouldn't be missed out in a story. The second thing is that the main character is pretty relatable. You're not making us step into a hero's, alien's, doctor's...etc shoe but just an ordinary working guy who lives a relatively uneventful life aboard this ship. He's someone normal as I'm sure most readers are relatively of the norm... I doubt we swing around swords and save princes and whatnot. I'm sure we all want to step out of our ordinary life and into something wondrous... such as in space and meeting an alien.
I love how you describe Dhrele as he seems like the perfect combo of human and alien though I guess being half human would help. I was completely enthralled of the sensory descriptions in chapter 4 of Touch or Don't Touch. Not only because we're not taking the plunge of just straight up sex, instead it's like the prelude of it. As the feeling of Dhrele mesmerized Ergo, I felt myself being mesmerized too! I enjoy the details in your descriptions that seem to make the setting oh just so perfect before continuing on such as the flashlight, blue veins, how Dhrele smells, and Ergo's reaction of before touching Dhrele, while, and after.
Of course, every lover of BioRisk just HAD to do a fangirl squeal! I mean YAY! FINALLY some somewhat smutty stuff going down! I love how Dhrele is so blunt when asking for it and he even asked it incorrectly but, again, it's these subtle things that lets the reader understand that this is a completely foreign and new topic and experience for Dhrele. He probably knows nothing about sex, doesn't know how it's preformed and for all he knew the handjob was sex! It's even more of a turn on that we see the unexpected dominate side of Ergo! And because it's so unexpected that he's using force on the much more dangerous Dhrele and Dhrele is just lying there obediently and taking it that makes the entire chapter 100x more turned on than if it was the norm of 'Dhrele pushed Ergo down and had his way with him' or something along those lines.
Anyways, so I love love LOVE how the story is going so far and especially your last chapter. Please continue writing especially with all those details and continue to throw curveball at us because I for one absolutely adore them and especially Dhrele! Unfortunately, I'm an impatient person so I can only pray and hope that you'll update soon! I hope this helps with that :D http://r-neg.deviantart.com/art/BioRisk-Chibi-Dhrele-257826789
For some unknown reason, I usually prefer third person over first person but I think it might be because some authors don't do as great as a job when writing in first person as they do when they write in third person. But after reading the first few paragraphs, you got me hooked and reeled into the story. I think one of the first reasons is because your description of the environment gave me a good setting to start out with. Some people just delve into the characters off the bat without giving the readers to imagine the characters' surroundings. It's something that shouldn't be missed out in a story. The second thing is that the main character is pretty relatable. You're not making us step into a hero's, alien's, doctor's...etc shoe but just an ordinary working guy who lives a relatively uneventful life aboard this ship. He's someone normal as I'm sure most readers are relatively of the norm... I doubt we swing around swords and save princes and whatnot. I'm sure we all want to step out of our ordinary life and into something wondrous... such as in space and meeting an alien.
I love how you describe Dhrele as he seems like the perfect combo of human and alien though I guess being half human would help. I was completely enthralled of the sensory descriptions in chapter 4 of Touch or Don't Touch. Not only because we're not taking the plunge of just straight up sex, instead it's like the prelude of it. As the feeling of Dhrele mesmerized Ergo, I felt myself being mesmerized too! I enjoy the details in your descriptions that seem to make the setting oh just so perfect before continuing on such as the flashlight, blue veins, how Dhrele smells, and Ergo's reaction of before touching Dhrele, while, and after.
Of course, every lover of BioRisk just HAD to do a fangirl squeal! I mean YAY! FINALLY some somewhat smutty stuff going down! I love how Dhrele is so blunt when asking for it and he even asked it incorrectly but, again, it's these subtle things that lets the reader understand that this is a completely foreign and new topic and experience for Dhrele. He probably knows nothing about sex, doesn't know how it's preformed and for all he knew the handjob was sex! It's even more of a turn on that we see the unexpected dominate side of Ergo! And because it's so unexpected that he's using force on the much more dangerous Dhrele and Dhrele is just lying there obediently and taking it that makes the entire chapter 100x more turned on than if it was the norm of 'Dhrele pushed Ergo down and had his way with him' or something along those lines.
Anyways, so I love love LOVE how the story is going so far and especially your last chapter. Please continue writing especially with all those details and continue to throw curveball at us because I for one absolutely adore them and especially Dhrele! Unfortunately, I'm an impatient person so I can only pray and hope that you'll update soon! I hope this helps with that :D http://r-neg.deviantart.com/art/BioRisk-Chibi-Dhrele-257826789