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June 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really want to see where you're going with this. I love the vivid descriptions and the characterizations. Can't wait for the next chapter!!
schedule
June 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Very mysterious! And the feelings in this chapter was greatly written. The wolf seems very interesting. I really look forward to reading more :3
schedule
June 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
um, i dont know if anyone pointed this out allready, but in the first line, you used the word 'Feat'. but i the type of 'feat' you used would normally be used to indicate a great achievment, for instance "it was a great feat of skill" (i think i used that right... the more i thought about it the less it sounded like a word, even though i know it is) or something like that... then you also have the feet i think you ment to use, which indicated the feet you walk on, for instance someone might say "my feet are killing me."
also, in the second chapter in this sentence, "the sound of his soft treat cut in and out" i think you meant tread. treat is some3thing you give a child or animal for being good. tread is what you make with your feet, or anything that is touching the ground. what comes after 'of' in this sentence? "The smell of struck me again and I vomited" i think in this sentence ". I absently hoped he hadn't eaten in" you meant it instead of in. who is father? is he an unrelated person? is he the characters father? you need to give some background before you introduce a character or it dosent make sense.
anyway, i love where it is ging and i cant waity for the next chapter!!! please update soon so i can know what happens to... oh, you should give your character a name, unless you want him to remain nameless. but either way i want to know what happens to him~!!!! so please update soon!!!
also, in the second chapter in this sentence, "the sound of his soft treat cut in and out" i think you meant tread. treat is some3thing you give a child or animal for being good. tread is what you make with your feet, or anything that is touching the ground. what comes after 'of' in this sentence? "The smell of struck me again and I vomited" i think in this sentence ". I absently hoped he hadn't eaten in" you meant it instead of in. who is father? is he an unrelated person? is he the characters father? you need to give some background before you introduce a character or it dosent make sense.
anyway, i love where it is ging and i cant waity for the next chapter!!! please update soon so i can know what happens to... oh, you should give your character a name, unless you want him to remain nameless. but either way i want to know what happens to him~!!!! so please update soon!!!