rate_review Reviews

Ok, you asked for the review. I do like the story, The two chapters that I have read were very short though, soI haven't got into the flow of it yet.
Keep up the good work. I think I WILL LIKE this a lot!

Hey, glad you updated! :)

Why is Marcus being such an ass when Vincent woke up. He kissed Vincent, Vincent asked why and now Marcus is being a prick.

Poor Vincent; and he doesn't even know why he's there....

I love it!!!! XDDDDD Yume-chan, I say this with all love, but you do need to work on a few things in your writing. The plot is excellent, but you need to focus a bit more on the descriptions in your story. Such as in chapter three, describe HOW the pirates took over the village. Did Vincent see parts of his father's body laying around the house? What is Jip wearing? The texture of Vincent's comforter.

That kind of stuff. Your dialogue is top notch,it sounds like a script when you read it. And try to use a bit more word choice, such as you would find in an thesaurus. Nothing fancy, but just add a bit more spice to it. I love Vincent and Marcus so far (mostly Marcus but that's beside the point) but this story has a huge amount of potential. I KNOW you. Simple Wishes could be a ten times better than this if you put in the effort.

Sorry for the tough love, sis, but you know I love you. I just want to see you shine. XD

Hey no problem! I noticed at the end of the last chapter, strait is supposed to be spelled straight.

Anyway, nice chapter! I wonder what Marcus is gonna do w/Vincent, the poor kid! lol :)

I had a whole review but I guess those stupid words on the bottom were wrong! What the hell are they there for anyway?

Anyway, Reader's Digest version: I'm intrigued with your story! I can't wait to see how chapters one and two are tied together!

Oh, I noticed one typo: dinning room is dining room, only one "n".

Great job! :)