rate_review Reviews

I really really like this story and i cant wait for more,i really really hope that there is another update soon!!! please update soon.

Hey, just a question: I was wondering when you are gonna update this one?! I miss it! ^_^

Hello,

I don't know if you're looking for constructive criticism, but here you have it.
I read your other story, Bittersweet, first, and I have to say that here and there there were turns of phrase, sentences, descriptions that stood out to me. In a good way. Things that made me think that you have the potential to do amazing things with words.

Sadly, I can't say the same about this one. There are typos and missing or misplaced punctuation all over the place, which I could look past; random tense changes in the middle of a paragraph, which throws me out of a story every time, and the plot... the dialogue... it makes me wonder if this is even the same author. I agree with kylee that Xander's behaviour doesn't make sense- he went from knowingly making a grave decision to a five-year-old going OMG NO I WON'T YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD. If you catch my drift.
It doesn't make sense for the driver to be this invested in someone he just met. People don't talk like people actually talk. And so on...

The reason I'm saying all this is because you asked which story you should focus on. It seems you are working on both, but if you have to decide on one, I would like to plead that you choose Bittersweet, where your characters are believable, the dialogue flows better, and you do this thing that makes me read a sentence several times and marvel at what all is possible with words.

I am glad Mischka seems to be a caring person and is trying to help Xander. I liked the scene with him helping Xander in the bathroom. I still hate August, Grrrr. What the hell, August putting his 'Stamp of ownership' on Xander in the form of a choker around his neck!!! Hasn't he degraded poor Zander enough.

Xander has red eyes!!!??? That's unusual.......

I hope Xander doesn't cut an artery by smashing the bathroom mirror with his fist and I bet August will be very angry with him so expect another punishment is coming up.

Thanks for updating and I am waiting for Bitter Sweet too so will be sure to keep an eye out for it.

If you have started a mailing list for updates to your stories, please add me to the list.

P.S. You are doing a splendid job writing this angsty story and I love it.

This is wonderful. Please keep writing!

wow!!!, I just finished reading the 4 chapters back to back! and I really enjoyed it! I mean not enjoying the thinks that happened but enjoyed the story!

I can't wait to read more!

emmm, just a question: is it a happy-ending story or sad one?! If is sad please tell me now! I can't deal with sad stories :P

Thanks again for the fantastic fic ^_^

I get so mad... everytime I try and leave a review it doesn't take and I have to try all over again!!!

I knew this part was coming but August is an easy man to really hate. I wonder if he will have any redeemable qualities later in the story. Where had Xander wandered off to (or did he get lost) that caused him to return to the bedroom so late.

Thanks for updating can't wait for more.

I just realized you had uploaded another new chapter.

I felt really bad for Xander but I guess he had been warned and kind of asked for it. It didn't help him any
by mouthing off to August like he did. If he didn't, maybe August would have gone easier on his first time.

I wonder what will happen when they wake up.

Great chapter,

W.T.

Please keep writing! Very well put-together story.

I like your new story but the change in atmosphere from chapter 2 to chapter3 is rather abrupt. It just seems out of character to me that Xander agreed to give himself to August and then was told to wait for him and not do anything else, and then he walks off for an hour into a strange house. Then he comes back and is rude about it instead of apologizing. It is as if he already forgot that he is bargaining for his sister's life.