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April 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
there's no enough futa on this site and i have to say this is really good hope you post more soon
With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
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April 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hyper addictive cum, usual short chapters from the last story I saw you write. I'm hoping to see Sally at some point get nailed by anyone, extra incest points if Sam does it.
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April 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hello Thunderdome. I will give you a real review.
I'll start with some positives. You have managed to craft a fairly intriguing first chapter. There aren't many works I've read that pose enough "questions" to keep me interested. You give decent descriptions of the action, though you fail to provide adequate detail. You have excellent grammar and pace your chapters well. Your first chapter demands a viewing of the second, and it is rare that I find works that accomplish this. I also liked the information you presented of each character. Though personally I prefer to see information like that distributed naturally instead of being dumped. Now on that I've finished my stroking your ego I'll go into some negatives.
You familiarized your reader with what is a bunch of stock characters outfitted with cookie-cutter personalities. You also tend to repeat facts you have already stated. Very apparent when you drive home the fact that Megan is alone. Your prose also tends to border on campy and/or pretentiousness. And you certainly like using quite, don't you? While also repeating facts, you tend to repeat words frequently. I liked how you began chapter 2 with further intrigue. The bad news is it falls flat of the mystery that made the first so interesting. It is nothing more that a smut fest without an authentic reason to read a third installment. The sex was stellar but lacked details at times.
I rated your story a four for passable story telling and grammar. With characters I didn't get to know naturally, well, characters that I knew all too well, I couldn't give this a perfect five. Also, your author intrusions weren't a welcome part of the narrative. Despite that this is a fair work that would have better if you actually worked to create your own characters instead relying on stock archetypes.
I'll start with some positives. You have managed to craft a fairly intriguing first chapter. There aren't many works I've read that pose enough "questions" to keep me interested. You give decent descriptions of the action, though you fail to provide adequate detail. You have excellent grammar and pace your chapters well. Your first chapter demands a viewing of the second, and it is rare that I find works that accomplish this. I also liked the information you presented of each character. Though personally I prefer to see information like that distributed naturally instead of being dumped. Now on that I've finished my stroking your ego I'll go into some negatives.
You familiarized your reader with what is a bunch of stock characters outfitted with cookie-cutter personalities. You also tend to repeat facts you have already stated. Very apparent when you drive home the fact that Megan is alone. Your prose also tends to border on campy and/or pretentiousness. And you certainly like using quite, don't you? While also repeating facts, you tend to repeat words frequently. I liked how you began chapter 2 with further intrigue. The bad news is it falls flat of the mystery that made the first so interesting. It is nothing more that a smut fest without an authentic reason to read a third installment. The sex was stellar but lacked details at times.
I rated your story a four for passable story telling and grammar. With characters I didn't get to know naturally, well, characters that I knew all too well, I couldn't give this a perfect five. Also, your author intrusions weren't a welcome part of the narrative. Despite that this is a fair work that would have better if you actually worked to create your own characters instead relying on stock archetypes.
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April 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
i love your stories i think they are brilliant
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April 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This seems to be going in a pretty good direction. I quite like the fact that there is such a young character there, but whatever happens next will be very interesting. Looking forward to the next chapter!