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January 31, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I got a new car yesterday. I thought it was the *coolest* thing in the world. Now, after reading this chapter, I don't even remember where I parked it, nor do I care.
Where you left off in chapter 13 and started this chapter was a very cool pacing/transitioning/story structuring....thing. Good technique for whatever you call that.
You're writing has a crap ton of fabulous one liners that cover the entire range of the fic experience, like glory holes and minefields ending in sex to the very sweet robot on a mission for burgers. There's this great antagonistic, socially frail yet emotionally deep vibe that resonates. I hate using words like "vibe" and "resonate" in comments because come on, how lazy, "New York Times gives it two thumbs way up" cliche review can you get. But true is true and I will only sound like even more of a douche bag if I break out the thesaurus.
So like. You're writing is cool an' shit or whatever. :)
Where you left off in chapter 13 and started this chapter was a very cool pacing/transitioning/story structuring....thing. Good technique for whatever you call that.
You're writing has a crap ton of fabulous one liners that cover the entire range of the fic experience, like glory holes and minefields ending in sex to the very sweet robot on a mission for burgers. There's this great antagonistic, socially frail yet emotionally deep vibe that resonates. I hate using words like "vibe" and "resonate" in comments because come on, how lazy, "New York Times gives it two thumbs way up" cliche review can you get. But true is true and I will only sound like even more of a douche bag if I break out the thesaurus.
So like. You're writing is cool an' shit or whatever. :)
schedule
January 31, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Previous review: why in the hell did I repeat offend with "you're" instead of "your". I swear to fuck all I know the difference. I blame your writing. Twas too damn good this early in the noon.
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
woah 180 Ash. 0.o Max seems to be handling it well though ;) I'm really good he's a good enough brother to not freak out on Jake. I think Max's general relationship apathy might help a bit with that. I really hope Jake finds someone though. He's so adorable that he should be happy too. Great job and I hope you update soon! :)
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
This was sooo sweet but I can't fully enjoy it, you have ruined me. I'm too stuck on Jake. Thank you for updating so fast. Your my new favorite
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I've gotta say that I'm digging your writing style. It's very distinct and it stands out from a lot of other stories.
As much as I like Max and Ash, really it's Jake and Knarly that I could read about all day long. If you were ever going to do a spinoff story, I'd love to read a really in-depth look into Jake and his life. Maybe see who he eventually finds to "complete" him, as it were (even though I was REALLY hoping it would be knarly. Can't win 'em all). Jake is the most interesting character by far, and I love reading his development. Though if I had to choose, Knarly is my favorite.
Looking forward to reading more!
As much as I like Max and Ash, really it's Jake and Knarly that I could read about all day long. If you were ever going to do a spinoff story, I'd love to read a really in-depth look into Jake and his life. Maybe see who he eventually finds to "complete" him, as it were (even though I was REALLY hoping it would be knarly. Can't win 'em all). Jake is the most interesting character by far, and I love reading his development. Though if I had to choose, Knarly is my favorite.
Looking forward to reading more!
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
"And I saw you at Denny's that day too." Omg, what a line! lol
So they finally did it! Yay! lol Boy Ash was driving ME crazy with all his personalities! haha Glad he finally settled on one at the end!
Awesome chapter Asher! Thx. for the quick update!
And thank God the burgers weren't forgotten......heheh
So they finally did it! Yay! lol Boy Ash was driving ME crazy with all his personalities! haha Glad he finally settled on one at the end!
Awesome chapter Asher! Thx. for the quick update!
And thank God the burgers weren't forgotten......heheh
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
The nice thing about icicles is that they melt and wash away DNA traces and any attempt at fingerprinting water is pretty damn useless.
So yes, an icicle.
Actually, I learned in one of my history classes that there was this dude from Russia on the lam in Mexico from people who wanted him dead. Still died, though, and it was pretty obvious he hadn't just pissed off some Mexican; the weapon of choice was an ice pick.
In Mexico.
Assassins should be more subtle.
/end amusing anecdote of the day
This chapter...I almost didn't finish it, but blushed my way through. I'll tell you why elsewhere.
So yes, an icicle.
Actually, I learned in one of my history classes that there was this dude from Russia on the lam in Mexico from people who wanted him dead. Still died, though, and it was pretty obvious he hadn't just pissed off some Mexican; the weapon of choice was an ice pick.
In Mexico.
Assassins should be more subtle.
/end amusing anecdote of the day
This chapter...I almost didn't finish it, but blushed my way through. I'll tell you why elsewhere.
schedule
January 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
okay. They've got to be some of the weirdest people ever, but they sure are cute :) I can't blame Ash for being nervous. Sex with new people is always kinda a nerve-wracking experience. I'm glad they finally did it though. hehe. great job!
schedule
January 29, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Poor Ashley getting snipped at for Max finding him to be so attractive he sure doesn't act like it. I do feel bad for him though. He seems so lifeless. It's totally soul sucking. great job
schedule
January 29, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Max just can't seem to win. Poor guy. I think Ashley may be warming up to him a bit though. :)I'm quite excited to see where this ends up. great job