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March 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really liked what I read so far, can't wait to see what happens next thou I have this nigling feeling something isn't quite right with Casey and Mason right at this moment and that it's most likely linked to what they drank at the shifter reunion they went to, or something else there that might have escaped me.
update soon, please
update soon, please
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March 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Please update soon! I love this story and can't wait to read more!
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March 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Yay double update! I saw that 'Pack Dynamics' was updated a while ago but I was so busy with uni I didn't get to read T__T (That, and the fact that whenever I come to this site I get sucked in and have great difficulty going back to study.)
The relationship between Mason and Casey is so perfect, although Casey's cluelessness drives me a bit bonkers. (Cluelessness. What a great word.) I also really like the casual relationship between Shelby and Casey. I actually found it really hilarious when she was introduced because 'Shelby [the Seaweed Monster]' is the name of my (male) laptop, even if it is a girl's name.
The stupid guard in chapter 4 cracks me up [with his stupidity].
HOLY WOW IS MASON A VIRGIN? I have been wondering for a while now... It doesn't seem possible, although I really can't see when and why it would happen, since he was probably busy with the pack when he was young and then had recognised Casey as his mate later. I can't help but think of Mason as a giant sweetie-pie. There's no reason for him to be so endearing to me. Well, his protectiveness IS ridiculously cute. I wish I could keep him as a pet. I like that we get to see a tad more from Mason's POV than in the first couple of chapters.
Oh noes! Druggage of Mason and Casey or just exhaustion? I must know!
Since you asked for help regarding grammar, here's most of the few typos and oversights(with corrections, irrespective of American/ British English) I picked up from chapters 3 and 4. I find that the more I like a story (especially if it is written very well), the more the little errors make me cry inside. (I swear it was meant to be a compliment.)
Chapter 3
* his room were downstairs -> his rooms were downstairs/ his room was downstairs
* r-rated -> R-rated (Yeah, I'm being picky.)
* honest to goodness -> honest-to-goodness
* as she looking into -> as she looked into
* pride shinning out -> pride shining out
* bathroom is you feel -> bathroom if you feel
* “Miranda.” Casey said -> "Miranda," Casey said
* tie lay open on -> tie lay on (I don't know what you were envisioning, but I could swear that normal ties don't lie open)
* with polishes stones -> with polished stones
* A frown lines crested -> A frown line crested/ Frown lines crested
* radar.” Casey muttered -> radar," Casey muttered
* this pack they are dangerous, skilled and well supplied -> this pack - they are dangerous, skilled and well-supplied
* Casey.” Vladislav pointed out -> Casey," Vladislav pointed out
* Vladislav’s iris -> Vladislav's irises
* saved him once too -> saved him once, too
* the last they spent -> the last night they spent
* pressing back against wall -> pressing back against the wall/ pressing his back against the wall
* But there was no more sounds -> But there were no more sounds/ But there was no more sound
* long and slow -> long and slowly
* smell gun power -> smell gun powder/ smell gunpowder (inconsistent usage of gun powder/ gunpowder)
* cat paralyzed a strange mixture -> cat paralyzed in/by a strange mixture
* whole body shuttered -> whole body shuddered
* STILL ALIVE!” -> STILL ALIVE?!”
* hard, tone even -> hard, even tone
* “Fine.” Mason snarled -> “Fine,” Mason snarled
* want into the pack -> want in the pack
* and lead to a slow painful death -> and led to a slow, painful death
* how it’s done.” -> how it’s done,”
* hand gentle grasped -> hand gently grasped
* careful scrubbed -> carefully scrubbed
* Casey woke-up -> Casey woke up
* right about the scaring -> right about the scarring
* YOU HOLD IT!? -> YOU HOLD IT!
Chapter 4
* to the sound the -> to the sound of the
* He had grown like 4 inches and his tan-coloured hair cut into some sort of Mohawk. -> He had grown about 4 inches and his tan-coloured hair was cut into some sort of Mohawk./ and had his tan-coloured...
* the worse reaction -> the worst reaction
* bite mark, “You’re -> bite mark. “You’re
* “No.” Mason snapped -> “No,” Mason snapped
* deal with.” -> deal with,”
* May attention now -> Pay attention now
* each of then -> each of them
* complete attention . -> complete attention.
* Shelby has been -> Shelby had been
* Mason brought a -> Mason brought up a
* have to memory -> have no memory
* deserved then.” -> deserved then,”
* Be discrete though. -> Be discreet, though.
* Betrayer deserved -> Betrayers deserved
* Go prepared -> Go prepare
* girls night out -> girls' night out
* black and blonde hair -> black and blond hair (inconsistent usage of blonde/ blond, although I have been led to believe that 'blond' is masculine and 'blonde' feminine)
* cleanclothes?” clean clothes?”
* roll belly up -> roll belly-up
* Mason’s voice lowered dangerous -> Mason’s voice lowered dangerously
* the finally syllable -> the final syllable
* Mason arches and eyebrow -> Mason arched an eyebrow
* made Casey shutter -> made Casey shudder
* d-rings -> D-rings
* o-ring -> O-ring
* ‘Yes, Sir’ never once -> ‘Yes, Sir’, never once
* “No.” Mason said shortly -> “No,” Mason said shortly
* again.” She chimed -> again,” She chimed
* Mason voice was -> Mason's voice was
* It time for -> It's time for
* table do missions -> table to do missions
* A new pack new to -> A pack new to
* sent you their information to your -> sent their information to your
* and crosses towards -> and crossed towards
* tough looking brutes -> tough-looking brutes
* boy-nextdoor -> boy-next-door
* in a matter -> in a manner
* set-up your guys -> set-up you guys
* Of course.” -> Of course,”
* how Alpha’s are -> how Alphas are
* (crawls retracted) -> (claws retracted)
* shutter of distain -> shudder of disdain
* him to think was into him -> him to think he was into him
* Mason leap for -> Mason leapt for
* haze of submissive -> haze of submissiveness
* He slide out -> He slid out
* teeth still shinning -> teeth still shining
* engaged at the mere thought -> enraged at the mere thought
* you well versed -> you well-versed
* The in the heavy silence -> In the heavy silence
* then lopped off -> then loped off
* how it works.” -> how it works,”
* concealing his shutter of distain -> concealing his shudder of disdain
That's most of them, methinks. Some things I couldn't be bothered pointing out, for it is late and I desire sleep. (Sadly, this means I am also too lazy to check that my corrections are, in fact, correct.)
Hope you update soon!
The relationship between Mason and Casey is so perfect, although Casey's cluelessness drives me a bit bonkers. (Cluelessness. What a great word.) I also really like the casual relationship between Shelby and Casey. I actually found it really hilarious when she was introduced because 'Shelby [the Seaweed Monster]' is the name of my (male) laptop, even if it is a girl's name.
The stupid guard in chapter 4 cracks me up [with his stupidity].
HOLY WOW IS MASON A VIRGIN? I have been wondering for a while now... It doesn't seem possible, although I really can't see when and why it would happen, since he was probably busy with the pack when he was young and then had recognised Casey as his mate later. I can't help but think of Mason as a giant sweetie-pie. There's no reason for him to be so endearing to me. Well, his protectiveness IS ridiculously cute. I wish I could keep him as a pet. I like that we get to see a tad more from Mason's POV than in the first couple of chapters.
Oh noes! Druggage of Mason and Casey or just exhaustion? I must know!
Since you asked for help regarding grammar, here's most of the few typos and oversights(with corrections, irrespective of American/ British English) I picked up from chapters 3 and 4. I find that the more I like a story (especially if it is written very well), the more the little errors make me cry inside. (I swear it was meant to be a compliment.)
Chapter 3
* his room were downstairs -> his rooms were downstairs/ his room was downstairs
* r-rated -> R-rated (Yeah, I'm being picky.)
* honest to goodness -> honest-to-goodness
* as she looking into -> as she looked into
* pride shinning out -> pride shining out
* bathroom is you feel -> bathroom if you feel
* “Miranda.” Casey said -> "Miranda," Casey said
* tie lay open on -> tie lay on (I don't know what you were envisioning, but I could swear that normal ties don't lie open)
* with polishes stones -> with polished stones
* A frown lines crested -> A frown line crested/ Frown lines crested
* radar.” Casey muttered -> radar," Casey muttered
* this pack they are dangerous, skilled and well supplied -> this pack - they are dangerous, skilled and well-supplied
* Casey.” Vladislav pointed out -> Casey," Vladislav pointed out
* Vladislav’s iris -> Vladislav's irises
* saved him once too -> saved him once, too
* the last they spent -> the last night they spent
* pressing back against wall -> pressing back against the wall/ pressing his back against the wall
* But there was no more sounds -> But there were no more sounds/ But there was no more sound
* long and slow -> long and slowly
* smell gun power -> smell gun powder/ smell gunpowder (inconsistent usage of gun powder/ gunpowder)
* cat paralyzed a strange mixture -> cat paralyzed in/by a strange mixture
* whole body shuttered -> whole body shuddered
* STILL ALIVE!” -> STILL ALIVE?!”
* hard, tone even -> hard, even tone
* “Fine.” Mason snarled -> “Fine,” Mason snarled
* want into the pack -> want in the pack
* and lead to a slow painful death -> and led to a slow, painful death
* how it’s done.” -> how it’s done,”
* hand gentle grasped -> hand gently grasped
* careful scrubbed -> carefully scrubbed
* Casey woke-up -> Casey woke up
* right about the scaring -> right about the scarring
* YOU HOLD IT!? -> YOU HOLD IT!
Chapter 4
* to the sound the -> to the sound of the
* He had grown like 4 inches and his tan-coloured hair cut into some sort of Mohawk. -> He had grown about 4 inches and his tan-coloured hair was cut into some sort of Mohawk./ and had his tan-coloured...
* the worse reaction -> the worst reaction
* bite mark, “You’re -> bite mark. “You’re
* “No.” Mason snapped -> “No,” Mason snapped
* deal with.” -> deal with,”
* May attention now -> Pay attention now
* each of then -> each of them
* complete attention . -> complete attention.
* Shelby has been -> Shelby had been
* Mason brought a -> Mason brought up a
* have to memory -> have no memory
* deserved then.” -> deserved then,”
* Be discrete though. -> Be discreet, though.
* Betrayer deserved -> Betrayers deserved
* Go prepared -> Go prepare
* girls night out -> girls' night out
* black and blonde hair -> black and blond hair (inconsistent usage of blonde/ blond, although I have been led to believe that 'blond' is masculine and 'blonde' feminine)
* cleanclothes?” clean clothes?”
* roll belly up -> roll belly-up
* Mason’s voice lowered dangerous -> Mason’s voice lowered dangerously
* the finally syllable -> the final syllable
* Mason arches and eyebrow -> Mason arched an eyebrow
* made Casey shutter -> made Casey shudder
* d-rings -> D-rings
* o-ring -> O-ring
* ‘Yes, Sir’ never once -> ‘Yes, Sir’, never once
* “No.” Mason said shortly -> “No,” Mason said shortly
* again.” She chimed -> again,” She chimed
* Mason voice was -> Mason's voice was
* It time for -> It's time for
* table do missions -> table to do missions
* A new pack new to -> A pack new to
* sent you their information to your -> sent their information to your
* and crosses towards -> and crossed towards
* tough looking brutes -> tough-looking brutes
* boy-nextdoor -> boy-next-door
* in a matter -> in a manner
* set-up your guys -> set-up you guys
* Of course.” -> Of course,”
* how Alpha’s are -> how Alphas are
* (crawls retracted) -> (claws retracted)
* shutter of distain -> shudder of disdain
* him to think was into him -> him to think he was into him
* Mason leap for -> Mason leapt for
* haze of submissive -> haze of submissiveness
* He slide out -> He slid out
* teeth still shinning -> teeth still shining
* engaged at the mere thought -> enraged at the mere thought
* you well versed -> you well-versed
* The in the heavy silence -> In the heavy silence
* then lopped off -> then loped off
* how it works.” -> how it works,”
* concealing his shutter of distain -> concealing his shudder of disdain
That's most of them, methinks. Some things I couldn't be bothered pointing out, for it is late and I desire sleep. (Sadly, this means I am also too lazy to check that my corrections are, in fact, correct.)
Hope you update soon!
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March 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I was so glad when i found this story in all of the crap i've been reading lately. I've been waiting for one like this for a while. I really enjoyed this story and I can't wait for more. You can count on me to be coming back for more and more or just re read the old chapters. I enjoy even doing that.
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March 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hey, you've got serious story telling skills! Love this so far and can't wait for an update!
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March 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM
don't want to beg...but update pretty please? Thank you for the speedy updates before and I'm totally hooked on the story now but I'm totally missing it! It's just that awesome!!
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March 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Such a good story! I can't wait to see what happens next!
Keep at it!
Keep at it!
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March 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Have you ever read the book huntress by l.j smith? This story reminds me of it. Not in a you ripped it off kinda way, just a vague similarity of premise sort of way, or more one similar scene (the blood in blood out bit)
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March 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM
this story is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!! please don't drop it!!!!
i will be eagerly waiting for your next upload. =) i'm sooooo glad i stumbled upon this story!
i will be eagerly waiting for your next upload. =) i'm sooooo glad i stumbled upon this story!
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March 1, 2011 at 12:00 AM
So first of all this story is seriously awesome! Really! I don't usually care either way about 'supernatural' stuff (do enjoy it though when done right) but this is so so so goood! The whole shifters' characteristics works PERFECTLY with your story line--strangely I'm really loving the dominance/submissive instincts you have and Casey's whole conflict about it--sooo awesome that he just doesn't 'roll over' lol. Ohhh and the tension, love love love it sooo much!!! I know that Mason is becoming more and more of a douchebag but I can't help but empathize with him (and actually Casey too)! Strong characters make a strong story and I absolutely love, love your characters because they are not perfect, and kinda fucked up in their own way but still something so vulnerable about them...:D! I literally check every day for updates (even though you are super awesome and update very quickly, thank you!) And the way you write--amazing and intense and the reader is right there with you!....ahhhh please please tell me this will be a nice long story...it's seriously that gooooddddd!!! Alright severe fangirl moment over XD! Thanks again for such a compelling and intense story :)!