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October 12, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Are you ever going to update this? Please do
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June 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
please update this, I can't wait to see what happens
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May 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM
this is such an amazing story, please write more!!!!
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March 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
is it over?
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January 24, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is so good, please write more
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November 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
ahh, it's getting more and more sinister now... look forward to next update
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October 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please, please, PLEASE re-write this story in past tense. (See the bottom of this post for the verb tense explanation if you don't understand that - I don't want to assume).
Generally speaking, books and written literature TEND to be written in past tense as it is easier for the reader to follow the story as it unfolds. As most *stories* are told as if they are events that already have happened and are being narrated by a third person (aka: third person point of view), this makes a lot of sense. When a story is told to you by someone, you assume they are not currently experiencing the story themselves so if they start using present tense verbs (ie: she crosses the road and sees...) it becomes distracting as the reader is left questioning when the events of the story are taking place (like, are you writing this as I'm reading it? Do you have some magical crystal ball that's showing you the events AS they're happening so you can relate them to us?) - it just messes with your mind!
So really what I'm saying is that the verb tense is distracting and takes away from the quality of your story and your writing. There are definitely times and stories that are well-written in first person and it makes sense for them to be done that way, but I respectfully disagree that this is one of those cases.
Should you wish to keep the verb tense in the present setting in this story, I would suggest changing the point of view to first person so that it is less distracting to the reader (again that whole: "how is this story being told to me as it happens if the storyteller isn't there?" question). Of course, entirely up to you - just putting in my $0.02.
Grammar note:
If you don't understand past vs. present tense, this may be helpful as well:
Present tense = "She stands up." "She looks at the tree."
Past tense = "She stood up." "She looked at the tree."
Look up a grammar guide if you still don't understand.
Generally speaking, books and written literature TEND to be written in past tense as it is easier for the reader to follow the story as it unfolds. As most *stories* are told as if they are events that already have happened and are being narrated by a third person (aka: third person point of view), this makes a lot of sense. When a story is told to you by someone, you assume they are not currently experiencing the story themselves so if they start using present tense verbs (ie: she crosses the road and sees...) it becomes distracting as the reader is left questioning when the events of the story are taking place (like, are you writing this as I'm reading it? Do you have some magical crystal ball that's showing you the events AS they're happening so you can relate them to us?) - it just messes with your mind!
So really what I'm saying is that the verb tense is distracting and takes away from the quality of your story and your writing. There are definitely times and stories that are well-written in first person and it makes sense for them to be done that way, but I respectfully disagree that this is one of those cases.
Should you wish to keep the verb tense in the present setting in this story, I would suggest changing the point of view to first person so that it is less distracting to the reader (again that whole: "how is this story being told to me as it happens if the storyteller isn't there?" question). Of course, entirely up to you - just putting in my $0.02.
Grammar note:
If you don't understand past vs. present tense, this may be helpful as well:
Present tense = "She stands up." "She looks at the tree."
Past tense = "She stood up." "She looked at the tree."
Look up a grammar guide if you still don't understand.
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October 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
more please! lots of people can put words down, but you're one of those who make it really hot.
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September 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
awesome! i hope this is not the end!
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August 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
wow - i'm tingling all over and hoping that you will continue with the story. Thank you also for your attention to spelling and grammar - it is a treat to read your work. Keep it up!