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August 10, 2010 at 12:00 AM
It's not about being a boy or a girl, it's just a saying.
Like 'you go girl' kinda thing.
How do you say...pep talk?
Yeah, like that.
But I do wonder sometimes is the author male or a female.
You got a haircut like in you chopped off your long hair or you're just maintaining your short length?
I tend to keep it short(I'm a girl btw.) but I need to grow it out so I can have it long enough for my next style.MOstly it's bunched up with like a dozen pins or in pigtails(pigtails when long enough,then bunched by pins till some parts of it reach an inch or two close to shouldres).Yeah I don't really like the feeling of hair falling on my neck or in my face.It makes me feel overheated(jacked up) and I just snap.
Plus I really hate hair in general. But on some ppl(gender is really not important when it comes to styles; hair or whatever),I have to admit,long hair makes them look 100 times better.Those are usually ppl with good, thick,healthy non dyed hair.Did I mention a great smile.Well,frowning never improved anyone's look so you make sure you keep your smile while reading even unpleasent borish reviews like mine.I hope you wont have to visit a doctor in a long time. Stay healthy and write more.If I messed up any words, I'm really half asleep and I apologize.
Like 'you go girl' kinda thing.
How do you say...pep talk?
Yeah, like that.
But I do wonder sometimes is the author male or a female.
You got a haircut like in you chopped off your long hair or you're just maintaining your short length?
I tend to keep it short(I'm a girl btw.) but I need to grow it out so I can have it long enough for my next style.MOstly it's bunched up with like a dozen pins or in pigtails(pigtails when long enough,then bunched by pins till some parts of it reach an inch or two close to shouldres).Yeah I don't really like the feeling of hair falling on my neck or in my face.It makes me feel overheated(jacked up) and I just snap.
Plus I really hate hair in general. But on some ppl(gender is really not important when it comes to styles; hair or whatever),I have to admit,long hair makes them look 100 times better.Those are usually ppl with good, thick,healthy non dyed hair.Did I mention a great smile.Well,frowning never improved anyone's look so you make sure you keep your smile while reading even unpleasent borish reviews like mine.I hope you wont have to visit a doctor in a long time. Stay healthy and write more.If I messed up any words, I'm really half asleep and I apologize.
schedule
August 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
y'know it seeems like you're teasing your readers you naughty girl.
You're cutting your chaPTERS of into little teaser-previews of the next chapter.
Not to mention (or is it just my impression) that these chapters are anorexic compared to the draft.
And albeit you do update wonderfully(yeah I loved you for fast updates while you were 'drafting' for nano also) I'm kinda hanging till chapter 12 or whatever.
I hope you're interested enough in the storyline to do a short afterstory or possibly a sequel*big eyes filled with hope*.
I just got a dreadfull feeling that the draft had one of those abrupt endings after the final chapter in which they had sex*prepares for sepuku*
Anyway, about Fen's( I can give Jasper this nickname, right?)transformations into werewolves and stuffs( yeah, I vaguely remember that)you should upgrade it. I'm sorry I can't be more useful with advices how to upgrade your draft but the rest od the storyline&chapters seem great to me...but then aGAIN this is my hearthrobe story so I'm not that critiquesk as I should be.
All in all, watch out for the transformations and the feeling of them running&being chased has been better described in the draft.
You should probably return the scenes depicting Sebastian's apartment and their meeting there(before running away) cause it makes the story 100000 times more believable then in this version.
Where I feel like you've cut out really important bits. Because these chapters are so short they don't build up enough tension. Also what about the desperation to feed, to run, be on the lookout for were's that are chasing them and the rest of it?Not to mention sexual tension?
I realize that since this is my second time reading those chapters, plus I'm a impatient person by default and can't wait to read the story in one breatth from begging till the end, so maybe that is the reason that I'm not as crazy for the story as the first time I read it( I didn't know the plot, what the next chapter will bring and stuffs).
But nevertheless, thank you for taking a different angle on this story.
I'm enjoying it for the second time and I hope I helped you somewhat with my comments.
You're cutting your chaPTERS of into little teaser-previews of the next chapter.
Not to mention (or is it just my impression) that these chapters are anorexic compared to the draft.
And albeit you do update wonderfully(yeah I loved you for fast updates while you were 'drafting' for nano also) I'm kinda hanging till chapter 12 or whatever.
I hope you're interested enough in the storyline to do a short afterstory or possibly a sequel*big eyes filled with hope*.
I just got a dreadfull feeling that the draft had one of those abrupt endings after the final chapter in which they had sex*prepares for sepuku*
Anyway, about Fen's( I can give Jasper this nickname, right?)transformations into werewolves and stuffs( yeah, I vaguely remember that)you should upgrade it. I'm sorry I can't be more useful with advices how to upgrade your draft but the rest od the storyline&chapters seem great to me...but then aGAIN this is my hearthrobe story so I'm not that critiquesk as I should be.
All in all, watch out for the transformations and the feeling of them running&being chased has been better described in the draft.
You should probably return the scenes depicting Sebastian's apartment and their meeting there(before running away) cause it makes the story 100000 times more believable then in this version.
Where I feel like you've cut out really important bits. Because these chapters are so short they don't build up enough tension. Also what about the desperation to feed, to run, be on the lookout for were's that are chasing them and the rest of it?Not to mention sexual tension?
I realize that since this is my second time reading those chapters, plus I'm a impatient person by default and can't wait to read the story in one breatth from begging till the end, so maybe that is the reason that I'm not as crazy for the story as the first time I read it( I didn't know the plot, what the next chapter will bring and stuffs).
But nevertheless, thank you for taking a different angle on this story.
I'm enjoying it for the second time and I hope I helped you somewhat with my comments.
schedule
August 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I just stumbled across this story and I love it! Your characters are deeply thought out and I love the interaction between Sebastian and Jasper. I am curious to see how they develop, and what is going to happen to them. Thank you for the wonderful story, I will be eagerly awaking more.
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August 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Aww, that ending gave me a warm and giddy feeling.
I do wonder though, why is Jason fascinated by Sebastian? What draws him to that snippy ashen vampire? It can't be the looks or the charm? I don't really imagine Sebas as beautiful, I see his as an illusionist and a master of deception.
Happy birthday to you friends and family, don't let all those Leos eat ya.
I do wonder though, why is Jason fascinated by Sebastian? What draws him to that snippy ashen vampire? It can't be the looks or the charm? I don't really imagine Sebas as beautiful, I see his as an illusionist and a master of deception.
Happy birthday to you friends and family, don't let all those Leos eat ya.
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August 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Poor Sebby. No one likes to eat when the food keeps staring at you. Wonder what Jaspy is going to think about being feed on. It's not really fun to be the food that's doing the staring either. Though, In Jaspy's case, he might just like it xD Or no. Who knows :3
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August 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh wow, what a fast update when you just responded to my review this morning. Lolz Jasper is definitely attracted to Sebastian.... Got me laughing when he lied about not looking at him. Jasper reminded me of myself when I lied about not being attracted to a certain someone. Thanx again for the ultra fast update.
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August 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I know you have the next chapters locked away! Why do you keep them from me?
Ahh my twice a week fix is not enough! Wonderful, you have turned me into a junky.
:-)
XoXo
Ahh my twice a week fix is not enough! Wonderful, you have turned me into a junky.
:-)
XoXo
schedule
August 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
You should just change the name back to Fenrir cause Jasper is just tacky after twilight came out and if ppl can't appreciate the irony and pun behind the name Fenrir...fuck them.
I'm quite bent on the name Fenrir because it suits the name Sebastian better and they are the main couple.That is, Fnrir suits the characer you built better then Jasper.
But it's your story and your right to change whatever you please.
I was quite happy when I saw an update and was naive to think it meant I will finally read this story till the end( this story, to my knowledge, never passed the chapter 12 birthmark on aff so if you are saying you finished it and updated somewhere I'm crushed because I didn't get to read it.Could you perhaps send me the rough draft, as you call it, pm me on aff forum or tell me where the rough draft can be found and read.
I do not want to be rude and desperate but I've been following and crying from joy with every chapter of the rough draft and that's why I'm obnoxious enough to ask you to let me read it till the end.
I'd really like for authors to stop wiping their rough draps from the site because their real stories take time to write(since they don't come in a rush like the rough drafts) updates are spare and there are a lot of ppl who would be grateful to enjoy the rough drafts in the meantime. Specially the ones that followed a story longer then a mont and then told it's a rough draft so it was deleted and we are to wait patiently till someone updates ch 1-18 in the following 5 year old period if it happens at at all.
Man, I freak out when I think about Imjaica and the way he deleted 12 chapters of perfection of the eyes of the killer because he will rewrite it to be better only not to post anything except chapter 1 in 3 years and then two more last year acfter apel of ppl responding on golden mcnugget list(best slash on aff) which also got deleted but by a * moderator here.
* hell, yeah *,*,*3x
Anyway to remain polite and respectfull I know you're finishing the story, I just had to tell somonehow frustrated I am about some authors(not only imajica, I'm also waiting for mixed tape to be updated for a really really long time) so someone throw me a bone here.Do not delete your stories(rough drafts or whate ver) mark it as a rough draft(or the real sotry as the original revamped version) be cause if you're going for quality your fans can give you better advice if the old version of the sotry is fresh in their mind.
I do not even remeber what you wrote in first chapters of both alike in dignity so how can I tell you anbything constructive about your new rewrite?
All I can say, you haven't changed the plot( it would be a different story then), but Fnerirs name yes.
And it left such a mark on the reader(Fenrir)and a lot of ppl including me doesn't knoe it means werewolf.
But you have my undying gratitude for saYING you'll finish gthe story.
If you can and are willling please pm me he orugh draft on aff forum.you know my nick.
Your groupie
liquid fire
I'm quite bent on the name Fenrir because it suits the name Sebastian better and they are the main couple.That is, Fnrir suits the characer you built better then Jasper.
But it's your story and your right to change whatever you please.
I was quite happy when I saw an update and was naive to think it meant I will finally read this story till the end( this story, to my knowledge, never passed the chapter 12 birthmark on aff so if you are saying you finished it and updated somewhere I'm crushed because I didn't get to read it.Could you perhaps send me the rough draft, as you call it, pm me on aff forum or tell me where the rough draft can be found and read.
I do not want to be rude and desperate but I've been following and crying from joy with every chapter of the rough draft and that's why I'm obnoxious enough to ask you to let me read it till the end.
I'd really like for authors to stop wiping their rough draps from the site because their real stories take time to write(since they don't come in a rush like the rough drafts) updates are spare and there are a lot of ppl who would be grateful to enjoy the rough drafts in the meantime. Specially the ones that followed a story longer then a mont and then told it's a rough draft so it was deleted and we are to wait patiently till someone updates ch 1-18 in the following 5 year old period if it happens at at all.
Man, I freak out when I think about Imjaica and the way he deleted 12 chapters of perfection of the eyes of the killer because he will rewrite it to be better only not to post anything except chapter 1 in 3 years and then two more last year acfter apel of ppl responding on golden mcnugget list(best slash on aff) which also got deleted but by a * moderator here.
* hell, yeah *,*,*3x
Anyway to remain polite and respectfull I know you're finishing the story, I just had to tell somonehow frustrated I am about some authors(not only imajica, I'm also waiting for mixed tape to be updated for a really really long time) so someone throw me a bone here.Do not delete your stories(rough drafts or whate ver) mark it as a rough draft(or the real sotry as the original revamped version) be cause if you're going for quality your fans can give you better advice if the old version of the sotry is fresh in their mind.
I do not even remeber what you wrote in first chapters of both alike in dignity so how can I tell you anbything constructive about your new rewrite?
All I can say, you haven't changed the plot( it would be a different story then), but Fnerirs name yes.
And it left such a mark on the reader(Fenrir)and a lot of ppl including me doesn't knoe it means werewolf.
But you have my undying gratitude for saYING you'll finish gthe story.
If you can and are willling please pm me he orugh draft on aff forum.you know my nick.
Your groupie
liquid fire
schedule
August 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hooray! I've missed this story so, so much. Can't wait until it catches back up to where you left off, but I understand your desire to edit it & make it a finished version... can't wait to see the changes.
*hugs*
Finding this again seriously made my day!
*hugs*
Finding this again seriously made my day!
schedule
July 30, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wow man, this chase was intense! I love it!
It had me sitting on the edge of my seat, I thought they wouldn't make it! And blain cracking the glass, I love the details like that. Same as the sweat on the chair :)
Not reviewing for the cake, just for fun :)
And from the silent hope to have Sebastian nibble on jasper's throat :3
It had me sitting on the edge of my seat, I thought they wouldn't make it! And blain cracking the glass, I love the details like that. Same as the sweat on the chair :)
Not reviewing for the cake, just for fun :)
And from the silent hope to have Sebastian nibble on jasper's throat :3