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October 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Weird, but I'm interested to see what happens. Great Job!
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October 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
hm.......I find this quite interesting. I wonder what will happen, I guess I have to read your other chapters to find out C:
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October 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Interesting though it seems to go all over the place, maybe it will make since as the story continues. Very interesting. I will be reading more. I hope this story is complete or going to be. I really like it. good job.
CrimsonWatersAlien
CrimsonWatersAlien
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July 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thank you Johnny for changing your format; makes it MUCH EASIER to read!
So, I was confused, if the receptionist's name tag said 'Carol Barrett', why did he call her Mrs. Robinson?
Also, you switch from past to present tense a lot.
Anyway, I'm interested to know what this Bob has to do w/the investigation.
So, I was confused, if the receptionist's name tag said 'Carol Barrett', why did he call her Mrs. Robinson?
Also, you switch from past to present tense a lot.
Anyway, I'm interested to know what this Bob has to do w/the investigation.
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July 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I just finished all three chapters. Extremely interesting story. You have an excellent imagination!
The format is a little hard to read though. It would be easier if it wasn't one long paragraph. Maybe section it out, put some spaces inbetween paragraphs, thoughts and dialogues.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
The format is a little hard to read though. It would be easier if it wasn't one long paragraph. Maybe section it out, put some spaces inbetween paragraphs, thoughts and dialogues.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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July 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
It's pretty good so far! I like the detail and the way the story flows, once I'd got used to the tense.
I'd agree that you could do with getting the formatting spread out a little better, it's just a bit hard on the eyes.
I'll certainly try and remember to look back for more writing by you. (I have put this on my profile's recommended reading list, partly to remind me!)
I'd agree that you could do with getting the formatting spread out a little better, it's just a bit hard on the eyes.
I'll certainly try and remember to look back for more writing by you. (I have put this on my profile's recommended reading list, partly to remind me!)
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July 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
what happen next!?
can't wait for the next chapter!
can't wait for the next chapter!