schedule
August 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
awwwww please continue!!!!
schedule
June 30, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hm. An interesting, creepy piece. I must confess that I thought the first chapter was weak - simply because it was too confusing. I also think you might want to focus on describing surroundings more and building up an atmosphere. What does a room look like? What objects are there? Describe people's appearances, too. Don't go overboard - a line or two here and there will do it perfectly.
The second and third chapters were a definite improvement. Loved the poetry of 'dark waters' in chapter 2 and the dialogue felt spot on. You do need to take a look at grammar around dialogue: speech tags don't start with a capital letter e.g. *'Help me' She said.* is wrong, while *'Help me,' she said.* is right.
Her daddy is a very creepy character. The constant smiling was a nice touch.
The second and third chapters were a definite improvement. Loved the poetry of 'dark waters' in chapter 2 and the dialogue felt spot on. You do need to take a look at grammar around dialogue: speech tags don't start with a capital letter e.g. *'Help me' She said.* is wrong, while *'Help me,' she said.* is right.
Her daddy is a very creepy character. The constant smiling was a nice touch.