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June 7, 2010 at 12:00 AM
There's a few spelling and grammar mistakes that may need to be fixed, and you may need to fix the way you write your past and present tense.
"Two hours later, Naru, pick up his luggage and walked out of the airport" - chap 1
"Rei sighed, he slump down on the chair behind him and stared up at his brother" - chap 3
just on the word "pick" and "slump "and a few others words throughout the story, it's just a matter of adding "ed" to the end of them.
Don't worry, I'm just as guilty with spelling and grammar errors. :)
Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. Rei sounds like very interesting character, and I love the interaction between the main characters so far. Thanks for updating.
"Two hours later, Naru, pick up his luggage and walked out of the airport" - chap 1
"Rei sighed, he slump down on the chair behind him and stared up at his brother" - chap 3
just on the word "pick" and "slump "and a few others words throughout the story, it's just a matter of adding "ed" to the end of them.
Don't worry, I'm just as guilty with spelling and grammar errors. :)
Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. Rei sounds like very interesting character, and I love the interaction between the main characters so far. Thanks for updating.
schedule
June 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
He's good, faking that one. Thats a good techinic I use once when I was faking frowning to get a kiss from a hot lifeguard.
schedule
June 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Great!!! I think both brothers found their mates although Ryuu is to stupid to see it jet!!! Can't wait for more!!! See you again!!!
schedule
June 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
OMG! This new story is hilarious. Rei is quite the brat. Tricking Naoya into bringing him home like that. I love Ryuu and Naru. They make a very funny couple. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
schedule
May 31, 2010 at 12:00 AM
That was a really nice start!!! I really want to know from which race Ryuu is!!! My first guess would be vampire but wel we will see soon probably!!! Ican't wait for a describtion of both naru and ryuu!!! See you again soon!!!