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May 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
HEAVENS, my face must have been one funny sight when Alex actually BIT him. XDXDXD I've been reading slash fiction for YEARS and I don't think I've ever seen it happen. You win, just for that!
I quite like the story so far, though sometimes Alex seems a bit detached, like the point of view flickers away from him to an allknowing narrator for a moment. Also, I laughed so hard when he mused about how the transition would have been easier had he not lived in luxory before and been well educated. "Oh, if only I were poor and stupid, surely becoming a slave would be easier then!" ^^;;;;;
Other than that I've been wondering about the society before and after the coup; has there always been slavery, or is this a new thing? What were politics like, and is the coup actually an improvement for a vast part of the population? Do they not care at all who holds the reigns in their country, or is a revolt likely?
Curious to see where you take this!
~jea
I quite like the story so far, though sometimes Alex seems a bit detached, like the point of view flickers away from him to an allknowing narrator for a moment. Also, I laughed so hard when he mused about how the transition would have been easier had he not lived in luxory before and been well educated. "Oh, if only I were poor and stupid, surely becoming a slave would be easier then!" ^^;;;;;
Other than that I've been wondering about the society before and after the coup; has there always been slavery, or is this a new thing? What were politics like, and is the coup actually an improvement for a vast part of the population? Do they not care at all who holds the reigns in their country, or is a revolt likely?
Curious to see where you take this!
~jea
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May 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh, btw, just wondering about the title: It's ADMIN backwards, yes? I do that when I can't think of anything else. XD;;;;
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May 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Interesting story! Jacob is a cruel bastard but not very smart... hoping Alex doesn't lose hope or give in.
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May 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
the premise and start are intriguing. will definitely continue reading this.
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April 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Interesting! Enjoyed reading it. :)
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April 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
i like how it's progressing. the beginning was very confusing for me and had a ton of stuff that took an extra effort to understand, but i think it's getting easier to read after being bombarded with background/setting from the first 2 chapters. good work!
that dude deserves to be bitten. :P
that dude deserves to be bitten. :P
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April 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I reviewed before but it didn't came up on the site. I don't know why. Hopefully this one does.
I like your story so far a lot. The first chapter confused me, but I think you're getting the hang out of writing and I like how the story slowly progresses. (I don't like this cliff-hanger though xD)
Hopefully you'll update soon. And good luck with your tests :)
I like your story so far a lot. The first chapter confused me, but I think you're getting the hang out of writing and I like how the story slowly progresses. (I don't like this cliff-hanger though xD)
Hopefully you'll update soon. And good luck with your tests :)
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April 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I enjoyed this quite a lot, thank you. It's an interesting set-up, with the government take-over and Alex getting kind of caught in it as collateral damage. Your beginning is suspenseful and disturbing - poor guy, it's a lot to have thrown at him all at once! You write with a nice clarity, too.
I want one of those computer systems, too.
I want one of those computer systems, too.