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July 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
The plot reminds me of typical yaoi, ha ha; child crush, then fall in love as adults. Make sure to keep your tense consistent; you keep switching back and forth between past and present.
"...he said and picks up..." should be: "...he said and picked up..." or "...he says and picks up..."
(past tense sounds more professional)
"...he said and picks up..." should be: "...he said and picked up..." or "...he says and picks up..."
(past tense sounds more professional)
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April 8, 2010 at 12:00 AM
hey, what's up with no updates? By the way could you distinguish the dialogues. A paragraph for one speaker and a change of paragraph for another. It's a little bit irksome. Thanks.
The story is good enough for me to demand a continuation. Though your vocabulary is not very wide, I think that can easily be improved with the help of synonyms. Kay, more soon?
The story is good enough for me to demand a continuation. Though your vocabulary is not very wide, I think that can easily be improved with the help of synonyms. Kay, more soon?
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April 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please email me when you update: narcoleptic86@gmail.com
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April 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Yuki is so adorable. Damon better take good care of him. Yuki will be a stubborn little carrier, so Damon will definitely have his hands full.
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April 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Love it. I would love to read more.
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April 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wah! an update yay! hm... the dads sure are frisky hehe... and i like how cute and innocent Yuki is. And Damon knows how to scent a mate? Ohgeez, he must be really eager to find a mate. I pity him in some ways. Update some more please. This time a bit longer so that i can take my time reading it.
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April 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I cant wait for you to update on this story! It is very interesting to see how this all works out between the two boys. Keep up the good work~!
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April 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I love the story. Can't wait for more
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March 23, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please, update soon. This has potential to be epic.
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March 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Yes continue, I like where this is going, I hope its not too PWP though, make sure there is a plot.