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rate_review Reviews

for Another Jock Story

by WallflowerSecret

person DJfrdrck
schedule March 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT!
person kylee123
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the new chapter. I am so glad that you updated this story. These two seem to like each other more every day. It is so romantic. I hope the party goes well for Gabriel. Adam will be there to watch out for him. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
OMG, Adam was so cute! I can't wait to read about the party! Gabriel's brother sure will be surprised that Gabriel's there. I can't see him actually DRIVING Gabriel there, so I think Gabriel will surprise him. I think everyone will be more surprised to see Gabriel TALKING to Adam! lol
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This story is really cute! I can't wait for the next chapter, please update soon!
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
It's about time we got another chapter. I like it. Chapter 8, I'll be waiting <3
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Yay! Two updates in one day!!! lol

I'm so glad "Gabe" made it to the party. I knew he wasn't gonna tell his brother and ask him for a ride! I bet that girl, Jennifer, Jessica, what's her name? is still waiting for him!!!! hahah

I just wanted to point out something I noticed in the past two chapters that weren't in the previous ones. When your character is talking, I noticed you don't put any spaces before and after the quotation marks. You also don't put any periods or commas before or after the quotation marks and you keep all the dialogues and thoughts in one line w/o any breaks. It makes it hard to read. I'll try to give you an example, just random lines not from your story:

Gabriel sipped his drink"I think I want to go home now"he continued to drink the coffee.
"I'll walk you home Gabe"Adam said

You see what I mean? It just makes it hard to read and I went back and noticed your beginning chapters weren't like that.

Anyway, I don't mean to criticize your work. I just wanted to point that out.

I can't wait for the next chapter; this is one of my favorite stories on here!
schedule March 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
awwww cute chapter! i rely do like your story its set at such a nice and soft pace :)
schedule March 10, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Will selfish Chris really be okay with bringing "uncool" Gabriel with him? I hope Gabriel doesn't get hurt...I can't wait to read how he fares in the party. Hopefully Adam will be there the whole time to be Gabriel's knight-in-shining-armor should trouble arise.
person kylee123
schedule March 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
schedule February 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This is obviously a slow build, but so far so good. I noticed you used some Britishisms. By "football" do you mean what we Yanks call "soccer"?
Looking forward to the first kiss.