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April 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the new chapter. Very funny chapter 4. i still like the group as a threesome. They are all so cute together.
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February 21, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Poor kenneth. Caught between a snake and a naked jaguar. Sounds like they should share him. LOL.
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February 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I really like this new story. I would love to read more. I wonder what Sid will turn out to be?
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February 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I read the summary and just had to read this. Kudos for that. I don't see many good summaries..
The story starts pretty fast... it's a little difficult to get really sympathetic with the characters. But I did enjoy when you introduced Heaven. I like the kind of juvenile justice he envisions in kicking everyone else out.
I noticed you repeat a lot of the same words in paragraphs, like 'little' in the first one when you descibe the lady bug. And some of your sentence structure doesn't read quite right... But it seems more a product of writing too quickly. You could probably read through and edit those on your own.
The story starts pretty fast... it's a little difficult to get really sympathetic with the characters. But I did enjoy when you introduced Heaven. I like the kind of juvenile justice he envisions in kicking everyone else out.
I noticed you repeat a lot of the same words in paragraphs, like 'little' in the first one when you descibe the lady bug. And some of your sentence structure doesn't read quite right... But it seems more a product of writing too quickly. You could probably read through and edit those on your own.