rate_review Reviews

Oh-ho! I love how the story is progressing darlings! Good work! I really like how you are keeping it realistic and not jumping magically to love. The storyline is lovely!

Another great chapter darling! I'm really liking Jacklon too, and the side of Youji he seems to bring out! I can't wait for more, keep up the great work you two!

And don't worry about the beta'ing and things, just enjoy the story! Ya'll have a great plot, and it's moving good, and really, there aren't many mistakes. Like I said last time, jsut the simple things that you would expect from anyone who's human :3 I don't even have a co-author looking over my work, so you're a step ahead of me! Keep up the good work darling!

I don't review very often anymore (shame on me...) but I thought this was worth it. I like this story. I think it has potential. I also want to applaud you on co-writing. I couldn't do it; I would be too afraid of getting something wrong.

The real reason I wanted to review this story, though, is because of the issues you two have been having with other reviewers. Yes, I agree your writing could use some improvements, but who cares? If it bugs them enough, they'll just stop reading. If you two were trying to get this published, I'd say that yes, you need to have someone proofread who can make the improvements. But seriously, you guys should be writing for fun. Who cares what they think? Nobody on this site is perfect. Even if an author proof reads their own work, they rarely catch all the corrections that need to be made, simply because it's their own work. I think you guys are doing fine. Don't let the nit-picky people get you down. I know I've had a few of them, myself. It can be a bit discouraging, I know. Just ignore them. They're just jealous ;)

I look forward to reading more of this story. I absolutely adore Junko and Hoshi (Hiroshi? Oh, I don't know; I'm horrible at spelling names, especially when they aren't common American names.... Alas, I fail)and I can't wait to see where this story takes them.

I still can't believe Youji's only 12. He's had sugar daddies for how long? Hmm. Youji seems really unbelievable, but you characterized him the way you did for a reason. I'll wait and see where you take this character. Anyway, interesting to finally see the mother and sad news about the father. Was expecting another Japanese name for Hoshi's brother, but it was an interesting name. Love the twins.

I'm sorry you are still having issues with some of your readers. It does make me wonder why they continue reading if they don't like the story. I notice your updates are quicker than some other authors, most likely due to the fact the story is unbeta'd. Thank you for that. Study hard. Your scholastic endeavors are way more important that this story, as good as it is.

Sorry i didnt review sooner but i didnt even know there was a new chapter. And i dont think theres anyting wrong with an unbeta chapter or story because wtf were getting this for free.. Anyway the im so happy that he finally has a night to himself to let loose and not worry about everything. I cant wait to see how his eye got that way.. Cant wait for the next chapter

good story
like that there is a plot and looking forward to more

I like it! It's an interesting plot, and I feel it's one that allows the reader to automatically connect with it. Honestly, I can't see why people are bothering you about mistakes. There were only a few, and they were simple things that everyone does-even top notch writers! Ah! I'm not pointing it out to bash, but just to say: Ignore them and let them make fools of themselves! I'm really enjoying the story and I think the two of you are doing an amazing job! I like the set-up and the pace that it's moving at. It's very interesting to see Junko opening up a bit, and I can't wait to see if more backstory comes out for Hoshi and Junko! Keep up the good work!

I really like this story and can't wait to see what happens next. Please update soon:)

Hey, I didn't read the update yet, I just read your A/N. No problem if you don't want me to look the story over. But.....no offense Jen, you really got to check the story better. The title for this last chapter, for example, is supposed to be spelled Preparation. In your A/N, you ALWAYS start a sentence with a capital letter. hey should be Hey. I'm sorry. I really like the story and where it's going, but it's driving me crazy reading it with so many mistakes. At least capitalize all your I's. And use apostrophe's. For example: Im should be I'm, dont should be don't. This is elementary school grammar and spelling. Don't wait for Jen, do it yourself. And again, no offense to Jen, but if she lets you post chapters like these, you need to get another beta.

Ok, I'd done criticizing you. I don't like to point out mistakes, but this story is good. The mistakes make it impossible to read. Maybe that's why people aren't reading it. Ninety-nine percent of the stories on AFF are well-written. The readers want to read a story where they are not distracted by grammatical errors, spelling errors, just common sense mistakes.

Sorry for the harsh comments, but please, have someone clean it up; it'll be a GREAT story if you clean it up.