schedule
May 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
"!!!!!!!!!!!!" Was my first reaction...
Woah! where has this story been hiding? I could have sworn I had been right through the m/m archive and then I find your account full of such delicious stories!
As for this story! wow! It had so much to love in it and then the twist at the ending!! so much love!
I would have Loved! to know what Lord Devon's reaction to the Big Reveal was!! I kind of assume his reaction would be the same as his son's lol
This story was great!
Woah! where has this story been hiding? I could have sworn I had been right through the m/m archive and then I find your account full of such delicious stories!
As for this story! wow! It had so much to love in it and then the twist at the ending!! so much love!
I would have Loved! to know what Lord Devon's reaction to the Big Reveal was!! I kind of assume his reaction would be the same as his son's lol
This story was great!
schedule
April 27, 2012 at 12:00 AM
You spin an interesting tale, there's no denying it. I didn't foresee the young duelist being the son of the lord, but you certainly dropped enough hints that a cleverer man might have guessed. For my part, I'm glad that I didn't see it coming; the sensation of a surprised 'Gotcha!' is not to be undervalued. The sex seemed a little brief, but there's no denying the heat it held or the sense of dominance that the lord held over his prize. Well done!
I agree with what you said in your review of my work; at the time that you wrote this, some practice in grammar and spelling might be prudent. It's not so big an issue as to detract from the story, but it's noticeable. With eight stories posted, however, you're definitively getting all the practice you need.
One question before I wrap up: you said in your review that you hope the vamp doesn't 'put the trash out too soon'. I'm unfamiliar with that phrase, could you clarify? My YIM is on my profile, if you like.
I agree with what you said in your review of my work; at the time that you wrote this, some practice in grammar and spelling might be prudent. It's not so big an issue as to detract from the story, but it's noticeable. With eight stories posted, however, you're definitively getting all the practice you need.
One question before I wrap up: you said in your review that you hope the vamp doesn't 'put the trash out too soon'. I'm unfamiliar with that phrase, could you clarify? My YIM is on my profile, if you like.
schedule
November 30, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh my the ending was a shock.I liked it.
schedule
May 30, 2010 at 12:00 AM
have i reviewed this yet.
if i havent. its probably because your ending threw me off guard totally.
father and son. D= huh. the taste for incest (is it called that?) is an acquired taste that i have yet to acquire.
When I meant you had long dialogs. I meant something like this:
----------
“Boy your rude refusal has deeply offended me, and I must demand satisfaction, our seconds shell meet to sit up the time and the place. Know now if I win the duel and draw your blood first you must submit your virgin self willingly to my bed for one night in order to give me true satisfaction, otherwise pretty boy you must kill me, or do you wear that sword simply for decoration, what do you say to this plan?”
----------
that guy just spoke TWO whole LONG LONG sentences, in ONE dialog... I don't know. Do you find that weird, or normal?
It's just that, from what I've been reading, usually a dialog is just one sentence, then there's a short pause where the 'narrator' comes in, before the person speaks again.
so when everything is in the same chunk, its a bit of a mouthful. hard to swallow?
something like
--------
“Boy your rude refusal has deeply offended me," he said sounding shocked, thou his expression betrayed his tone of voice. "I must demand satisfaction, our seconds shell meet to sit up the time and the place." he went on, exclaiming his intention.
"Know now if I win the duel and draw your blood first you must submit your virgin self willingly to my bed for one night in order to give me true satisfaction," the evil Lord's eyes gleamed brighter as he watched the terror flash in the boy's eyes, "otherwise pretty boy you must kill me, or do you wear that sword simply for decoration, what do you say to this plan?”
--------
the only times, i find Long long long dialog OKAY. is when the character is explaining something lengthy. Like when the detective is explaining to his audience how he found out who the murderer was. Or when the Sire is explaining to his newly found mate how come he can get pregnant in this realm. That type of EXPLANATION kind of dialog, if its long, i wont find that weird.
but constantly long dialogs is a bit........... much?
I DONT KNOW!!! I feel very bad lecturing you like this. *head wall* IM SORRY!
It-its just. my ... opinion! dont take it to heart! IF other readers have said that your dialog is perfectly normal and ok. then. i guess it's just me alone with these weird thoughts.
yeah.
*runs away*
if i havent. its probably because your ending threw me off guard totally.
father and son. D= huh. the taste for incest (is it called that?) is an acquired taste that i have yet to acquire.
When I meant you had long dialogs. I meant something like this:
----------
“Boy your rude refusal has deeply offended me, and I must demand satisfaction, our seconds shell meet to sit up the time and the place. Know now if I win the duel and draw your blood first you must submit your virgin self willingly to my bed for one night in order to give me true satisfaction, otherwise pretty boy you must kill me, or do you wear that sword simply for decoration, what do you say to this plan?”
----------
that guy just spoke TWO whole LONG LONG sentences, in ONE dialog... I don't know. Do you find that weird, or normal?
It's just that, from what I've been reading, usually a dialog is just one sentence, then there's a short pause where the 'narrator' comes in, before the person speaks again.
so when everything is in the same chunk, its a bit of a mouthful. hard to swallow?
something like
--------
“Boy your rude refusal has deeply offended me," he said sounding shocked, thou his expression betrayed his tone of voice. "I must demand satisfaction, our seconds shell meet to sit up the time and the place." he went on, exclaiming his intention.
"Know now if I win the duel and draw your blood first you must submit your virgin self willingly to my bed for one night in order to give me true satisfaction," the evil Lord's eyes gleamed brighter as he watched the terror flash in the boy's eyes, "otherwise pretty boy you must kill me, or do you wear that sword simply for decoration, what do you say to this plan?”
--------
the only times, i find Long long long dialog OKAY. is when the character is explaining something lengthy. Like when the detective is explaining to his audience how he found out who the murderer was. Or when the Sire is explaining to his newly found mate how come he can get pregnant in this realm. That type of EXPLANATION kind of dialog, if its long, i wont find that weird.
but constantly long dialogs is a bit........... much?
I DONT KNOW!!! I feel very bad lecturing you like this. *head wall* IM SORRY!
It-its just. my ... opinion! dont take it to heart! IF other readers have said that your dialog is perfectly normal and ok. then. i guess it's just me alone with these weird thoughts.
yeah.
*runs away*
schedule
March 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
omg! u mean the lord dosent know he is doing his son? lolz~ this story is good. a very different ending...
schedule
January 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
mmmm, I love that twist at the end. *purr* Very hot. More?
schedule
January 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
You sould put the incest warning in the summary. For me, who avoid at all cost incest stories, the end was kind of cold shower...
All my apologies if it was there but didnot see it.
Bye
M
All my apologies if it was there but didnot see it.
Bye
M
schedule
January 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Spell checking would be nice, but other than that.... WOW! I totally did not see that ending coming! Like the reviewers before me, you got me too. :D
schedule
January 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
OMG! Awesome story with a surprise at the end! I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for making my day.
schedule
January 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
holy shit lol that was crazy hahah i wish I knew his reaction, but not knowing is kind of cool too ^^: