schedule
February 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
So glad to see you updated! I love this story! The two boys seem so interesting together; Yamata (did I spell it right?) was so sweet, putting his watch on Suichi.
The whole part of the chapter w/Suichi's sister and the mention of their parents, had me crying. No kid should have to take care of himself AND his sister and have no one looking out for him. He has such a large burden to carry; it's so sad. He has to be such a grown up; it's not fair.
Your story is great, altho there are a few typos here and there, and different words you're using don't make sense in the sentence. For example, Suichi sat on his desk. I think you meant to say he sat in his seat? I also noticed that you start a lot of your sentences w/o a capital letter. The first letter of a sentence should always be capitalized. Also, when you use numbers, you should spell them out, especially at the beginning of a sentence.
If you would like me to look your next chapter over before you post it, I'd be more than happy to do it. I proofread a few stories on here; it would be no trouble. If you want me to, my email is LisaT25@msn.com
Anyway, English aside, I LOVE the story! Great job!
The whole part of the chapter w/Suichi's sister and the mention of their parents, had me crying. No kid should have to take care of himself AND his sister and have no one looking out for him. He has such a large burden to carry; it's so sad. He has to be such a grown up; it's not fair.
Your story is great, altho there are a few typos here and there, and different words you're using don't make sense in the sentence. For example, Suichi sat on his desk. I think you meant to say he sat in his seat? I also noticed that you start a lot of your sentences w/o a capital letter. The first letter of a sentence should always be capitalized. Also, when you use numbers, you should spell them out, especially at the beginning of a sentence.
If you would like me to look your next chapter over before you post it, I'd be more than happy to do it. I proofread a few stories on here; it would be no trouble. If you want me to, my email is LisaT25@msn.com
Anyway, English aside, I LOVE the story! Great job!
schedule
February 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the new chapter. I am so sorry for Suichi. He is more overworked than most single parents. The poor boy definitely needs a friend. Life is even hard for his little sister. I am glad that Yamato is talking to Suichi. I was thinking that Suichi probably needs someone to talk to more than anything. I want to read more of this lovely story.
schedule
December 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story. Yamata, or was it Yamato? Sorry, anyway, so even his teachers don't talk to him in the mornings. How odd, that he just doesn't suck it up like every other person in this world! Hahaha
Anyway, I feel so bad for Suichi; having to take care of his little sister, being w/o parents; so sad. He seems like a very mature kid.
Oh, I noticed you used the word quite, when you meant quiet. Quiet as in not being loud, while quite is like "this is quite a good story!" Anyway, you get my drift. Just thought I'd mention it.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter; when Suichi wakes up to Yamata's alarm! Boy will he be surprised!
Anyway, I feel so bad for Suichi; having to take care of his little sister, being w/o parents; so sad. He seems like a very mature kid.
Oh, I noticed you used the word quite, when you meant quiet. Quiet as in not being loud, while quite is like "this is quite a good story!" Anyway, you get my drift. Just thought I'd mention it.
Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter; when Suichi wakes up to Yamata's alarm! Boy will he be surprised!
schedule
December 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the new chapter. I love this story. I want to read more. I can't wait for Yamato and Suichi to meet again. I thought it was amusing how gossipy the classmates were. I think the story has the potential to be very hot. I hope to read more soon.
schedule
November 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Love it! Please email me when you update: narcoleptic86@gmail.com
schedule
November 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great story so far! I'm really enjoying it!
schedule
November 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very nice start to your story. I am very impressed by Suichi taking care of his little sister. That is such a sad story. That must be a humongous burden on him. Yamato seems so laid back and cool. I wonder how he will react to meeting a boy with so much responsibility in his life. I can't wait to read more. I love the Japan setting too.