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June 29, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Just so you know, you are breaking my heart by not updateing this. That sound you're hearing. That's my heart. Going crash. Its a sad, sad thing.
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April 6, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I loved every second of reading this fic. Please, please, please continue.
And if you have a mailing list, please add me at: redbanana1991@gmail.com
Very good work!
And if you have a mailing list, please add me at: redbanana1991@gmail.com
Very good work!
schedule
July 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
please update
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May 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I'm interested in where the story is going. I would like to see more.
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January 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Holy crap! That twistr thing was freaking amazing! Wish there was more... hint hint
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September 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Waaahhh, the story's so interesting, MORE UPDATE pleaseee...
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July 30, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Darling Maxx, you're killing me here! Now I have no idea what to expect from this story! You've got me afraid. Very afraid. In the most delicious way, of course. I am too accustomed to predictable plotlines. I hardly know what to do with myself.
There are so many aspects to love about these last couple of chapters. I love that Brett, who seems to be the chief protagonist and possible hero/anti-hero of this story is so, well, unattractive and plain-looking. In stories such as this one, there is often a character who is somehow unique and amazing yet feels wholly unspectacular, and he is also usually unaware of his absolute gorgeousness, which is supposed to make him even more oh-so-adorables! They're like skinny bitches who are always complaining they're fat. It's not endearing; it's infuriating. I love that you've painted him as someone whose appearance matches the feelings of "unspectacularness" he feels about himself. Somehow, it makes us normal folk feel as if we can more readily identify with him. And I think that it effectively symbolizes his circumstances as a woefully too-average loner, blending unnoticed into the crowd. When I visualize Brett as you've written him, I think that it will serve to lend even more significance and interest to...whatever Brett turns out to be. And the fact that you've created not a sense of fantastical wonder and amazement but complete anxiousness and dread surrounding his "true identity," is, well, fantastic! No magical cuddly forest friends and glittering angel wings for this boy! I find it refreshingly unexpected and unusual, even if it does worry me a little. It's not just that he could be your average, uncuddly vampire/demon/werewolf badass; it is the underlying sense of malevolence and terror that surrounds the big mystery of Brett's identity. It's...awesome and darn good writing (IMO), for complete lack of better words.
And then there is Miles, who could possibly turn out to be an almost foil to Brett's character. At the very least, juxaposing Miles and Brett as you have already is utterly facinating. You have this good-hearted, empathic character with unique abilities of his own, and his reaction to Brett makes your characterization of Brett even more intriguing and nerve-wracking. And in just as many chapters, you've now "heated the stock" for three deliciously meaty characters that I want to know more about. I am just as intrigued (if not more so) to see how you're going to develop the relationship between Brett and Miles as the one between Brett and Mr. Stinky-stalker-monster.
Also, I have to say that your switch from first person to second person to...second person and back to first was surprising yet effective. These transitions felt smooth rather than distracting, aided by clear transitions between the voices of the characters. I think we readers can take for granted how horribly wrong such writing styles/devices can go until we've suffered through it...and then stumbled across decent writing, once more.
I also deeply appreciate that you've taken the time (so far) to establish some other character dynamics here and given these other characters a little meat and substance on top of it all to make them identifiable and interesting. Whether or not all of them become significant to the broader plot, it makes the journey so much more interesting. Nothing bores me more than a story with a lack of outside characters. Too many writers choose to focus on a couple central characters/lovers and then damn the rest. Anyone else becomes exchangeable filler, like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern or Dimitrius and Lysander, only with shitastic writing. It's maddening. A plethora of interesting characters is like an assorted box of chocolates for me. I can't wait to roll up my sleeves and take the time to break them all open and taste their insides-- in the most uncreepy way, of course.
There are so many aspects to love about these last couple of chapters. I love that Brett, who seems to be the chief protagonist and possible hero/anti-hero of this story is so, well, unattractive and plain-looking. In stories such as this one, there is often a character who is somehow unique and amazing yet feels wholly unspectacular, and he is also usually unaware of his absolute gorgeousness, which is supposed to make him even more oh-so-adorables! They're like skinny bitches who are always complaining they're fat. It's not endearing; it's infuriating. I love that you've painted him as someone whose appearance matches the feelings of "unspectacularness" he feels about himself. Somehow, it makes us normal folk feel as if we can more readily identify with him. And I think that it effectively symbolizes his circumstances as a woefully too-average loner, blending unnoticed into the crowd. When I visualize Brett as you've written him, I think that it will serve to lend even more significance and interest to...whatever Brett turns out to be. And the fact that you've created not a sense of fantastical wonder and amazement but complete anxiousness and dread surrounding his "true identity," is, well, fantastic! No magical cuddly forest friends and glittering angel wings for this boy! I find it refreshingly unexpected and unusual, even if it does worry me a little. It's not just that he could be your average, uncuddly vampire/demon/werewolf badass; it is the underlying sense of malevolence and terror that surrounds the big mystery of Brett's identity. It's...awesome and darn good writing (IMO), for complete lack of better words.
And then there is Miles, who could possibly turn out to be an almost foil to Brett's character. At the very least, juxaposing Miles and Brett as you have already is utterly facinating. You have this good-hearted, empathic character with unique abilities of his own, and his reaction to Brett makes your characterization of Brett even more intriguing and nerve-wracking. And in just as many chapters, you've now "heated the stock" for three deliciously meaty characters that I want to know more about. I am just as intrigued (if not more so) to see how you're going to develop the relationship between Brett and Miles as the one between Brett and Mr. Stinky-stalker-monster.
Also, I have to say that your switch from first person to second person to...second person and back to first was surprising yet effective. These transitions felt smooth rather than distracting, aided by clear transitions between the voices of the characters. I think we readers can take for granted how horribly wrong such writing styles/devices can go until we've suffered through it...and then stumbled across decent writing, once more.
I also deeply appreciate that you've taken the time (so far) to establish some other character dynamics here and given these other characters a little meat and substance on top of it all to make them identifiable and interesting. Whether or not all of them become significant to the broader plot, it makes the journey so much more interesting. Nothing bores me more than a story with a lack of outside characters. Too many writers choose to focus on a couple central characters/lovers and then damn the rest. Anyone else becomes exchangeable filler, like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern or Dimitrius and Lysander, only with shitastic writing. It's maddening. A plethora of interesting characters is like an assorted box of chocolates for me. I can't wait to roll up my sleeves and take the time to break them all open and taste their insides-- in the most uncreepy way, of course.
schedule
July 29, 2012 at 12:00 AM
You lovely boy, you. I am new to AFF, but this is one of the first times I have felt the urge to write a review for a story. Either the writing or the stories on here have been utterly wretched, merely plotless porn, or they have been finished or abandoned by their authors years ago. So I didn't feel the need to bother. But I digress.... When I felt really excited after reading the first couple of chapters and saw that this is a new and ongoing story, I just couldn't help myself.
There is some compelling writing going on here! I loved your use of the first person having an internal monologue with an unseen character. Already, you have a well-established character with a(n albiet hazy) backstory and a motive, and you have begun what promises to be some intriguing world-building. As a reader, I felt the sense of urgency of this unnamed character, almost sickeningly so. I felt his maddening desperation made even more potent by his hopeless confusion and sense of aimless wandering in this unknown world. Your writing dragged me into this fictional world immediately, while creating enough interest in the character and his mission to keep me reading without revealing too much too soon. (I really hate when all the cards are laid out on the table too quickly. I'm a sucker for an evolving plotline and a slow reveal.) I couldn't wait to get to the next chapter and find out who this mystery person is!
You have some minor grammar issues, which include substituting "than" for "then," using the objective form of pronouns when they are meant to be subjective, and what seems to be a personal abhorrence of commas after introductory clauses (a ridiculous pet peeve of mine). But these are incredibly minor and do not distract from the story itself nor detract from the quality of the writing. And that makes this reader so very happy.
I look forward to reading more, especially because I have no idea where this is going!
There is some compelling writing going on here! I loved your use of the first person having an internal monologue with an unseen character. Already, you have a well-established character with a(n albiet hazy) backstory and a motive, and you have begun what promises to be some intriguing world-building. As a reader, I felt the sense of urgency of this unnamed character, almost sickeningly so. I felt his maddening desperation made even more potent by his hopeless confusion and sense of aimless wandering in this unknown world. Your writing dragged me into this fictional world immediately, while creating enough interest in the character and his mission to keep me reading without revealing too much too soon. (I really hate when all the cards are laid out on the table too quickly. I'm a sucker for an evolving plotline and a slow reveal.) I couldn't wait to get to the next chapter and find out who this mystery person is!
You have some minor grammar issues, which include substituting "than" for "then," using the objective form of pronouns when they are meant to be subjective, and what seems to be a personal abhorrence of commas after introductory clauses (a ridiculous pet peeve of mine). But these are incredibly minor and do not distract from the story itself nor detract from the quality of the writing. And that makes this reader so very happy.
I look forward to reading more, especially because I have no idea where this is going!
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June 15, 2012 at 12:00 AM
YAY!!! I notice you updated! You just made my life! Thank you, and I absolutely love Janos, he's so clueless =)
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May 22, 2012 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOD! Just started reading this and I'm totally hooked-never read anything this before in my life! Please update soon- it's so gooood! :)